Monday, October 24, 2011

But what does that even mean?

I haven't even really digested the story, but you have to give CNN props for the cryptic headline:
Teen murder suspect carried 'backpack of hatred'
I mean, there've been days when I've had a purse of rage, and I'm pretty sure I've seen a dude with a wallet of crazy wandering around Broad Ripple before, and I know those kids that hang out by the bridge over the canal are well into a baggie of happy, but kid, that big ol' backpack'll give you scoliosis...

43 comments:

og said...

Was he wearing his boots of escaping?

G said...

It keeps me slightly hunched forward.

Tam said...

"It keeps me slightly hunched forward."

Wins the internet.

Brick said...

It gives you +2 on storage attacks against those with lawful good alignments.

Anonymous said...

I drove my SUV of Doom to the Temple of Boredom this morning.

Ed Rasimus said...

A Zip-Loc of zeitgeist?

Lewis said...

The June story that fits the Paradigmatic Typewriters of the reporting classes, and is color coded to fit their Rose Colored Glasses of Perception!

Anonymous said...

I've got a Satchel of Seething--it's European, and men over there carry them all the time, and they're not effeminate, at all!

But you probably haven't heard of them.

Mike James

Les Jones said...

I dunno, but Dora the Explorer will probably sport one in her jaded teens.

Borepatch said...

The most I ever did is a range bag of snippiness.

mmasse said...

I bet it doesn't beat my jump to conclusions mat.

fast richard said...

It appears to be a quote from one of the murderer's previous bullying targets. Using it as the headline for a story about a horific crime seems a bit clueless.

Ken said...

A repurposed map case of ennui.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

A musette bag of abject grief

Jay G said...

Pshaw. I live in MA. We haul around rage by the truckload...

Bubblehead Les. said...

I prefer to have a Holster of Happiness, myself. ; )

George Weinberg said...

I assume it's metaphorical, like "can of whup-ass" or "twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each
one was to be used as evidence against us."

Thomas F said...

I got me my Wallet of wrath.....

The wife has herself a Clutch of chagrin.....

Jay G said...

Pshaw. I live in MA. We haul around rage by the truckload...


Would that be the U-haul of Umbrage?

GuardDuck said...

I had me a carry on of contempt...

Robert said...

If you skim the article you will discover that some murder is apparently equaler.

Matt G said...

Tam, your self described Purse Of Rage is nowadays more of a Turse Of High-Density Cool Shit. ;)

An Ordinary American said...

Hmmm. I've carried around a can of whoopass, but never a backpack of rage.

Where DO they find these writers?

--AOA

JD said...

After reading the article on the crime, it appears that "backpack" is a preacher's son's euphemism for "buttload".

Anonymous said...

Okay, for once comments are worth reading:-)

Joseph said...

I have a U-boat of uneasiness.

Crowndot said...

There you go with the roaring dump truck of snark, while I only have the laundry hamper of daydreams.

jimbob86 said...

I suppose it is similar, if a bit more intense, than the handcart my frau holds her grudges in .....

@ JD: Would that be a "Buttload of Butthurt? Dunno.... just askin' ....

SoupOrMan said...

A valise of vileness?

Drang said...

I bet I'm not the only one who ever had an ALICE Pack of Exhaustion...

atlharp said...

How about "Teen carried a pantload of snuggle?"

Brigid said...

You carry that much rage, you really need to get something with little wheels on it.

Speedier getting through the airport that way.

BGMiller said...

No go Brigid.
Rage is on Uncle Bad Touch's no fly list.

You are allowed 3oz. of moral outrage so long as it remains sealed.

BGM

Boris da Bastid said...

This comment thread is so full of the proverbial win that I just snorted nachos out of my nose.

That hurt.

global village idiot said...

Neither my Grip of Gripe, my Stuffsack of Spleen, my Valise of Vitriol nor my Big Brown Bag o' Boiling Bile can compare to a backpack of hatred.

Anonymous said...

Forget all of you, I found someone who tops you with a whole decade.

"Top hedge fund manager: Decade of doom ahead"

jbrock said...

The Backpack of Hatred is a purple item intended for Death Knights, right?

Anonymous said...

". . twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us."

Sorry to disappoint, but Arlo Guthrie disclosed that those ". . color glossy photographs . .", were actually black and whites . . .

. . . in the same interview in which he disclosed to a horribly disillusioned Washington Post reporter that he was now a registered republican.

True Story! I was roflmao when I read that part of the interview.

:-)

BoxStockRacer

staghounds said...

Brigid, mike James, & Drang win so far.

Something tells me, just from the headline, that the hate was not directed at "Wall Street".

Hmm, what could he have hated?

I hunt- saddle flask of fellow feeling, sandwich case of joy.

And when I'm whipping in, couples linking joyous memories and lovely dreams...

Alan J. said...

He probably carried around his 'Backpack of Hatred' everywhere because it was color coordinated with his 'Flipflops of Destruction.'

Mattexian said...

Would that be a "Buttload of Butthurt"? Dunno.... just askin' ....
I'm afraid if he's going to the Big House, he'll be getting one of those (maybe several), especially if they find out his special crime. O.O

tmc said...

The flagon of loathing. The wineskin of scorn. The papoose of pathos.

mariner said...

But what does that even mean?

As I suspected: it means he's white.

If he were black he would carry a backpack of sainted victimhood.

Grayson said...

Boris:
Sorry to hear about your nosenachos of annoyance. But this blog entry isn't just full of win, it's overflowing with virtueous victory.