Thursday, October 20, 2011

...and the mountain is back in its original location.

Well, all the critters running loose in Ohio have been put down or rounded up, dashing my hopes for a safari on the cheap.

Looks like we're back to my original plan for an affordable lion hunt:
Dear Diary:

Day three of the safari.

After a quick breakfast of Tabasco Slim Jims and Diet Mountain Dew, my native guide, Fred, has maneuvered me into an excellent position for the culmination of my trip, the confrontation with Simba.

Careful not to spook the skittish herds of preschoolers, which would alert the lion to my presence, I ease around the concession stand. The cloying stench of cotton candy fills my nostrils...



Thomas Smith said...

Ell, Oh, Ell

Word ver pimess- what I almost did to myself upon reading the post.

og said...

I have a similar scenario:

Morning, and the gathering dawn just reveals the herd of buffs that was invisible all the moonless night. I watch them mill about as the sun warms them, the dew in their coats rising like a mist. Finally, a big bull wanders off alone, and I raise the rifle and point two Garrett 45-70 solids at his heart. I can barely breathe as I slide the safety off, careful not to make a sound

Then the rifle is wrenched from my hands and sails off toward the east, spinning wildly as it goes; the've turned on the goddamned Accelerator Ring early, bastards!!

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

It's guy bowhunting for white tail near Zaynesville. He's been in camp all week. He never like to listen to the news on his radio while out hunting so he has no idea what is happening in the world. Sitting in his blind. Hoping to see a big deer... Waitaminnit... that's a VERY big housecat...

Anonymous said...

I think I would go all Jim Corbett. Build a blind high in the jungle gym and stake out the the biggest cry baby of the preschoolers in the open as bait.

That may not be legal in Ohio, best check the game law.


roland said...

I'm good with the Machan ala Jim Corbett, but for bait howzabout one of those OWS crybabies instead?

Hat Trick said...

Og - I knew exactly where you meant without following the link!

LOL, if a little exaggerated. I don't think there's a strong enough magnetic field outside the accelerator tunnels to even notice let alone rip a rifle from your hands.