Sunday, November 13, 2011

Word of the Day: How to speak Tamarese.

Kleptocordage: (klep'-tō-kôrd-ij) n.

1. A string or chain used to secure anything, but especially a pen, to keep it from being stolen.

"I used some 550 cord to make kleptocordage for my pen, attaching it to my clipboard. Now maybe those thieving heathens in the maintenance department will stop wandering off with it."

20 comments:

Keads said...

Hey! Not all of us in maintenance are thieving heathens!

We have better ways to get what we want. Like shutting down your air conditioning. Or heat. Or power. Or water. Or network. Powerful inducements!

Bubblehead Les. said...

Then some schmuck pulls out a pair of scissors while you're not looking....

Anonymous said...

When I saw "kleptocordage" I was thinking theft of firewood...

TBeck said...

Years ago while working as a document courier I learned to use capped ballpoint pens and only give the other person the pen, keeping the cap in my hand. That way I had a much better chance of remembering to ask for my pen back.

Drang said...

Thought one: You have a maintenance department?

Thought two: Won't they just wander off with your clipboard?

TBeck: That's the politically correct rationale behind so many of the Tacticool Pens being capped, with the cap not fitting over the "butt." (The non-PC rationale being that it makes them sturdier for stabbing bad guys in the eye.)

WV: tetic. Uh, yeah, not goin' there...

Loki1776 said...

Les,
Apparently someone forgot to use uncuttable kleptocord on their scissors.

wv: rodeb -- robbed by a dyslexic

Kristopher said...

Always get rid of the cap.

If some dumbass steals it, he will at least ruin his shirt.

Joe in PNG said...

I'm starting to think I need to kleptocord the pens in my own office to keep ME from stealing them.

Justthisguy said...

Is that what they speak in Tamaraland?
Now that the Disney Organization no longer properly maintains Tomorrowland, I reckon we'll have to head for Tamaraland.

Oh, and here's a Sousa march for you and the housemate: "Hail to the Spirit of Liberty."

Or maybe "The Free Lance."

Justthisguy said...

Who among us has not stolen a Skilcraft US Government ballpoint pen at one time or another?

RHT447 said...

“We have better ways to get what we want.”

Indeed.

I was stationed with a maintenance company in former West Germany repairing small arms for Uncle Sam. One day we were scheduled to have all hands turn to for weapons cleaning. After a bit, the field phone rings in our small arms repair shop. Seems the lads over at the heater repair shop are assigned to one of our M-60 MG’s, and are a bit rusty on the whole take-it-apart put-it-together thing, and would like our assistance. Sure, no problem.

My buddy and I stroll over and tell them “We got this, go grab some coffee.” Off they go, and we dis-assemble their M-60. Completely, down to every last pin and spring, and then leave.

Back at our shop, phone rings again:

Heater shop: “@#%!&!!!”

Us: “Say what?”

Heater shop: “@#%!&!!!”

Us: “Why yes, three coffees and a dozen doughnuts from the snack shack would be wonderful!

Bram said...

Marines call it a "lanyard". They use 'em to attach their heater, compass, and any other gear they really need to themselves.

Justthisguy said...

Why, yes, when I happen to be afloat, you betcha I tie a lanyard to my knife and drape said lanyard around my neck. That is just good sense. (the knife would be my Buck "yachtsman.")

Odysseus said...

What if the thieving maintenance heathens like to braid paracord?

Drang said...

JustThisGuy: "Taking home office supplies that can reasonably expected to be brought back to work is not considered thefts." Forget where I learned that.

Bram: "Lanyard"="Dummy Cord" in Army-ese.

Spud said...

If management gave us a working budget, we would not have to steal.
After all
We cannot continue to make Chicken salad out of Chicken Shit forever. LOL

JimB said...

Now... Just where did that clipboard go??????

CTone said...

Alright, I'm a dork, but I have a 550 cord pro-tip: the little white strands inside the 550 cord shell work great on retaining pens. For amusement, there's an added bonus of watching someone try to yank the pen free from such an itty bitty string, and when the string does break with much effort they may just put a dot in between their eyes. Well, I guess they could also put their eye out. . . .maybe it's not such a good idea.

Drang said...

@Spud: "We cannot continue to make..."
This just joined "Making bricks without straw" in my list of things to say to try and describe to management how poorly they do their jobs.

DukkButt said...

Having locked myself out of my house and car multiple times (including on a Washington State ferry - hint: very bad move) I finally made my own bit of kleptocordage by braiding 50 feet of paracord into a 2 foot link between my belt and my keys. Unless I forget my pants, I can no longer lock myself out.

wv: ghearo - a cross between a gyro and a hero sandwich. Roast lamb with American cheese and pickles on a hoagie bun.