Sunday, June 09, 2013

Things I Don't Get, #4,821,948

Now, maybe time is hazing my recollections, but I don't seem to ever recall waking up one morning and thinking to myself:
"Self, you know what would be awesome? Flying halfway around the world to someplace with questionable drinking water and even questionabler restroom facilities and trying to get myself killed in a confusing civil war being fought by multiple factions for reasons my well-fed and central air-conditioned mind will never puzzle out in a million years."
And yet that's apparently how some people from Michigan Troop 810 go earn their Sharia Scout merit badges.

Look, if you're determined to shock mom and dad by running out and converting to a religion, remember that Mormonism has similar restrictions on intoxicants, lets you eat bacon, and the worst thing likely to happen to you while working on an LDS merit badge is a bicycle wreck.


The Great and Powerful Oz said...

The statistics I've seen are that 75% of Americans who convert to Islam are female. There's probably a very important, but politically incorrect lesson to be learned there.

Tam said...

Questioning the virility of the American male would be sexist.

Tam said...

(Oh, and [citation needed].)

Joel said...

I've never really thought of the mormons in quite that way before, Tam. And - for geographic and demographic reasons beyond my control - I've given them more thought than I really like.

Angus McThag said...

My sister converted to LDS to shock my mom. It worked.

She quit because...

No Beer? No alcohol of any kind.
No wine? No alcohol.
No scotch? No alcohol.
No whiskey? No alcohol.
No ZIMA?!?! No alcohol!
Fine, gimme a coke. Um, no caffeine either.

I guess Islam at least lets you have coffee!

Tam said...


"I guess Islam at least lets you have coffee!"

It's the bacon thing that's the big deal-breaker for me. Well, that and the whole raging sexist thing.

The Scribbler said...

I am LDS. You bring up an entertaining and interesting point, as seems to be your wont.

I don't understand people who go out and fight other people's wars for them. I'm half Polish and living in Chicago (yes, I know. I'm going to school in a free land.) so I am well familair with Casimir Pulaski, and the dude just sorta leaves me scratching my head. Admirable on some level, but... really dude?

og said...

If I'm gonna fly halfway around the world and hang out where the drinking water is questionable and the facilities are a hole in the ground, it will be to kill something that can kill me back. I hope to have at least four of those left in me.

Kristophr said...

If I'm gonna fly halfway around the world and hang out where the drinking water is questionable and the facilities are a hole in the ground, The women and booze there had damned well better be good, plentiful, and cheap.

And if I can't get bacon as well, I ain't going.

Borepatch said...

I got married in an LDS church - I had Gentile Cooties and so wasnt allowed in the Temple. Father-In-Law (rest his soul) was a pillar of the Church, although a trifle disappointed that his Baby Girl up and married a non-Mormon.

But the Missionaries had our address and paid a visit. Thinking it was only fair to let them try to sell their product, I agreed to The Talk. It went sort of like this:

Me: My opening bid is that an Church that says I can't have a glass of wine isn't likely to get much of my repeat business. And after all, didn't Jeaus turn water into wine?

LDS Elder: well, couldn't that have been grape juice?

Me: Sure, but because this was before that guy Pasteur invented pasteurization, the natural yeasts on the grape skins would immediately start the fermentation process.

LDS Elder: Really?

Me: Thanks so much for dropping by.

No doubt I'll go to He'll for that but it's God's own truth.

staghounds said...

Gilbert du Motier was way crazier than she ever dreamed of.

Tam said...

It would be a Lafayette parallel if she were a military vet with family money and connections and was helping the...


Helping the rebels against the government as a way of fighting the Russians by proxy?

Or joining the government and fighting the rebels as a way of fighting Al Qaeda by proxy?

Beaumont said...

@ Borepatch: Right on, bro!. Not only did Jesus drink wine, but He was known to drink a lot of wine. And, sadly, Mormons are not the only denomination to be ignorant of the fermentation process. The teetotal-itarian mindset found in some churches is actually an artifact of the Temperance movement, and not Biblical in the least.

Aesop said...

I dunno, I'm guessing the widespread drunkaholism, and the sterling way drunks comport themselves, pretty much from Noah to five seconds ago, has some teensy small bit to do with the sentiment that some things are better to avoid entirely than skate around the edges of.

I make a good bit of my living at the ER, and I can assure one and all that alcohol accounts for upwards of 35% of my customers, daily, one way or the other.

I'm completely neutral on whether or not others drink, as long as we can bring back the rack and hot irons for when their drunkeness becomes our problem. Fair is fair.

But like most things good in moderation, the immoderate a-holes have screwed it up for everyone.

Tam said...


"I make a good bit of my living at the ER, and I can assure one and all that alcohol accounts for upwards of 35% of my customers, daily, one way or the other."

How many are accounted for by guns and cars? Shall we keep skating around the edges of those?

Mike_C said...

Huh, Troop 810? Oh, I see what you did. Took longer than it should have for a Michigan native.

Did anyone notice that the passport in the BBC link appears to be expired (as of JUL 11 2011)? Was she out of US since before 2011 and the family didn't know? Did Syrian TV somehow get an old passport? Something is screwy. Possibly my vision, admittedly.

Mike_C said...

Apparently my vision. Guess the passport was issued 2011 and will expire 2021. Damnit. Need to wear the new glasses.

Anonymous said...

LDS > Islam: if you try to leave the religion, all you'll get are visits and casseroles, instead of a bullet to the brainpan.


1911Man said...

I find it somewhat fascinating that the readers of this particular blog, whom I regard as being several - okay, many - cuts above average ranking for both intelligence and knowledge, and who so correctly and immediately pounce upon the ignoranti who spout off about "bullet magazine clips" and "illegal machine guns", so often fail to recognize that exact flavor of, err, let's be kindly and call it "data analysis failure", in their occasional LDS comments.

Tam said...


"...that exact flavor of, err, let's be kindly and call it "data analysis failure", in their occasional LDS comments."

That's a little vague. Feel free to elucidate!

Steve Florman said...


As an active Mormon of the sort who appreciates truth in all its forms, not just the religiously approved ones, I can assure you that there are significant numbers of us who don't buy the crap about grape juice, understand that Jesus drank wine, and also realize that the church doesn't ban caffeine (just coffee and tea). *Sigh.* Give those poor elders 10 or 15 years, and they might come around. However, as you know, the capacity for self-delusion is not limited to the religious.

Excuse me, there's a Coke waiting for me. :) Sorry you had such a bad experience.

Windy Wilson said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"LDS > Islam:"

My Sister-in-law considers Christianity to be absolutely awful and the source of all that is bad in the world because they scold you on TV when they disagree with what you're doing.
She is apparently blind to your example of the wages of apostasy from Islam, or else she believes that every religion is in fact Christianity with a different building, and they're really Christians.