Monday, October 25, 2010

Dreams...

I had this dream last night that whipsawed between nightmare and trivia and farce...

I was working at this convenience store located in Typical Tamara Dream Territory, which looks very much like the coastal Pacific Northwet, for some reason.

Anyhow, this kid we had just hired came in and stuck the place up. Gruesomely. Shot the manager and the other cashier. And when the cops arrived, it turned out that the other kid loitering in the parking lot was his accomplice, because he ambushed both the arriving officers. And then they fled.

And just then this "Mall Security Co." van pulls up, and the sliding door slides open, and these mall cops hop out, but the holdup guy and his accomplice (who look like Coolio and Jason Mewes from Clerks, respectively,) were in the van with them, having apparently paused in their getaway to hijack this van full of armed security guards, which they then executed right there in the parking lot for no reason or anything. And then they fled again.

At this point I was all wigged out, and decided to go home and drink to steady my nerves, but the only thing left in the coolers at the store were margarita- and fuzzy navel-flavored wine coolers, so I bought a bunch.

And I was back at the house, and Bobbi was telling me that my 9mm ammo can was missing, and the new hiree must have stolen it (apparently he'd been over to the house or I'd given him a ride to work once or something,) and I was all "No, no, maybe I just left it in so-and-so's trunk last time we went to the range." She was really agitated about it, but I was convinced it was no big deal. Which is odd for me, because the sudden absence of 500 rounds of 9mm is a very big deal to me, I can assure you, especially if one of the suspects in its absence is a dude who shot up the town right in front of me.

And so I went walking to the neighbor's house to see if I'd left it in the trunk of their car, and it started sprinkling rain, and then hailing; hailstones as big as a baby's fist. And it was at that point that a bunch of familiar-looking dudes in Elizabethan garb walked past, marveling at the hail, and I wondered what William Shakespeare and Sir Francis Drake were doing in my yard, and then I woke up.

24 comments:

Brigid said...

I had a dream just before I woke at o'dark 30 to catch a plane that involved a trek on the Monon Trail ending up with you on the back of an elephant with a howitzer blasting the foothills of hippie land. I REALLY need to avoid pizza just before sleep.

Tango Juliet said...

Pizza just before bed?

JimB said...

Tam... Just what the hell have you been snacking on???

Jon said...

I dunno, but I think Brigid's dream could be turned into a holywood movie. I'd pay to go see it anyway...

...but then, she had me at howitzer.

Anonymous said...

"coastal Pacific Northwet, for some reason"

Because you are channeling the show "Twin Peaks".

Shootin' Buddy

Anonymous said...

If thios is typical of the way your subconscious works, I don't EVER want you even the slightest bit upset with me...

Be my Best Friend Forever...please??....

cap'n chumbucket

Nathan said...

Well.

Alrighty, then.

Anonymous said...

*hooks up Inception device to Tam's brain*

Robert said...

The other night I had a dream where I was standing in line at a fancy restaurant. I had on the bottom half of a suit, but no shirt. Several college student walked by and commented, and I told them I was auditioning for a part on "COPS", but that I needed a budweiser to hold. (You know. The guy without the shirt on always gets arrested on COPS.) At the front of the line I couldn't get in because of the missing shirt, but the Maitre D' said that they had extra shirts just in case of such things.

Knitebane said...

So...

Exactly what kind of mushrooms were on that pizza?

Anonymous said...

I call this kind of thing, "Dreaming Novels."
If only they'd stick around long enough, and in enough detail, so I could write them all down after waking.

Stan in Minnesota said...

Raccoons breeding with great white sharks. I think I took the lead on this one.

Stretch said...

NyQuil and Tylenol 3?
Sniffing Hoppes #9?

BobG said...

What kind of mushrooms are you putting on your pizzas?

staghounds said...

The post-rampage tempest makes perfect sense- after he put them in the grave, sir...

perlhaqr said...

If you end up in a red room with a midget, just don't say "Sometimes my arms bend backwards". ;)

Sport Pilot said...

????You have an intresting and rather strange dreamscape is all I can say!!!

LabRat said...

Something in the air apparently. Mine involved a tortured affair with a mathematician, a Great Escape plot, a long and rather out of place interlude in a Waffle House, and pickled walnuts became a plot point.

Brad K. said...

Tam,

Everyone in a dream is yourself, in different roles.

In the observer, you are missing the piece released to the world at the gun show, and worrying about protecting yourself, your friends, your home, and your community.

Hosing the Mall Security is an expression of disrespect and disdain for their casual relationship with their gun, at the same time as they bear a responsibility for others. Especially in a Disarmed Victim Mass Shooting Zone, like the typical mall.

The part about fuzzy drinks over the excitement represents acceptance of the violence. Once the pellet wends down the barrel - you have bought what you are going to buy.

. . and you are just free-associating from here on.

The "new hire", the young gunner, is a fear about what all those really young people might do, that don't get the training to handle weapons securely and responsibly.

The moral: Choose wisely, before unloading a prized firearm at the next gun show. And eat light before going to be. I like a big (16 oz) cup of decaff or herbal hot tea before bed. With a spritz of honey.

Ancient Woodsman said...

Since you are the one who put the phrase "canned soy haggis" out there, you get the dreams you deserve for that one.

Stuart the Viking said...

"Everyone in a dream is yourself, in different roles."

Wait... what? So the cute (female) midget hooker was really just... ME? What the hell does that mean? BTW... It's not what you are probably thinknig, most of it was pretty boring; however, in my defence, in the part with the midget hooker, we were just having a few beers in a run-down bar (I didn't know she was a hooker till she told me). The really twistie bit for me was the fact that I was drinking beer. My tummy HATES beer and I tend to projectile vomit before I get halfway through the first one, but in the dream I seemed to be enjoying it "hurl-free".

s

Stuart the Viking said...

"I had a dream just before I woke at o'dark 30 to catch a plane that involved a trek on the Monon Trail ending up with you on the back of an elephant with a howitzer blasting the foothills of hippie land. I REALLY need to avoid pizza just before sleep."

If that dream was the result, I really must eat MORE pizza just before sleep.

s

John said...

Hmmmmm...Vell it vas choost a tream, vas it not?

Good thing,too.

Everyone seems to have a doozy or two in their dream banks, sometimes good enough for a script, prolly.

A decades-old, wake-up-screaming nightmare, "The Vampire Arena in Hell" would do very well in today's Hollywood, with a Russel Crowe lead. Another oldie but bloody one, "Silly Werewolves" cries out for a great comedian lycanthrope.

Gotta love those dreams.

John B said...

I had a weird dream at about the same time....
check my blog for it!