Tuesday, March 15, 2011

This'll go good with those $100 speaker cables.

I have just seen a commercial for the "Fuel Doctor Fuel Efficiency Booster FD-47". For those of you who are unaware, this is a hollow plastic shell that plugs into your car's cigarette lighter and contains naught but three LEDs and a circuit board that apparently serves no other function except to painlessly separate the gullible from ~$50.

Personally, I think the government should slash taxes and entirely fund its operations by selling things like this, lottery tickets, and ziploc bags of rocks. Stupidity is the most abundant element in the universe after hydrogen, and it's infinitely renewable; when combined with gullibility, the reaction is phenomenally powerful. Isn't it time we put it to work?

37 comments:

Tango Juliet said...

But... but the Fuel Doctor says it works!!

Anonymous said...

47?!?

Shit, I just got the 46! Who runs that outfit, Apple?

AT

Standard Mischief said...

It works better if you have a few magnets on the fuel line aligning the gasoline molecules first ;-)

Of course, you need my special magnets ;-)

Anonymous said...

Oh wait...says here I get a special upgrade discount for only $40, so I'm good.

AT

Ferret said...

I think I understand the theory by which this device operates.

There are only two constants in the universe: hydrogen and stupidity. We're already fueling cars with one, why not the other?

mikee said...

If you get the one with only the red and green LEDs, you miss out on all the beneficial effects of the blue LEDs!

I'm waiting for the Fuel Doctor 48!

.45ACP+P said...

Reminds me of the technical article on speaker cables I read a few years ago. Super system amp, super speakers the human ear could not tell the difference between $5.00/foot, oxygen free, heavy gauge pure copper wire or a set of coat hanger wires. A salute Mr. P. T. Barnum, even if you never said it, there is one born every minute.

aczarnowski said...

Don't forget the muffler bearing replacements. They reduce rolling friction for better mileage. The Prius has 10 of them.

BobG said...

"Stupidity is the most abundant element in the universe after hydrogen, and it's infinitely renewable; when combined with gullibility, the reaction is phenomenally powerful. Isn't it time we put it to work?"

How do you think Obama got elected?

Tam said...

BobG,

I meant "put it to work doing something useful." ;)

Chuck K said...

"Brilliant pebbles"? Was that not part of the original "Star Wars" defense system we should have had operational by now?

Bubblehead Les. said...

So the FCC wants to put FoxNews and NeoCon Talk Radio to sleep and we'll just live with National Propaganda Radio, yet they won't go after these Snake Oil Salesmen? Guess the company must be a regular donator to the DNC.

Jim said...

While I'm waiting on the miraculous MPG improvement from the FD-47, do you think it would be wise of me to also top-off my car's blinker fluid?

http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=6

They also have Elbow Grease on that site.

http://kalecoauto.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=32

Maybe it'd be useful to smear on some hippies, and get some actual work out of 'em?


Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston,TX

Jake (formerly Riposte3) said...

"Maybe it'd be useful to smear on some hippies, and get some actual work out of 'em?"

Better read the label, first.

"Warning: Do not apply elbow grease to hippies. Studies have shown that the years of stored productive energy accumulated by hippies is released at one single instant by the application of elbow grease. Yield per hippie varies, but is generally measured in tons of TNT. Serious injury or even death may occur as a result."

Chad said...

Stupidity is only less than hydrogen because they haven't found a way to fully measure stupid yet.

Long years back I was building a computer network for the company that sells "octane booster" type stuff to increase gas mileage.... and the employees all told me they'd never put the stuff in their own vehicles.

Anonymous said...

Tuned up a co-worker's wife's car (back when they had carburetors and distributors - 1970s) and found two plastic things clipped over the plug wires. Not even a magnet or anything inside - he said new wife's ex had bought it to improve gas mileage. Told him it was junk and took it off. He swore up and down, and at me, that the car didn't run as well as it had. Put them back on and he was happy. Doesn't Larry the Cable Guy say , "You can't fix stupid?" Larry Weeks

SFlorman said...

And I always thought the expression was "Dumb as a BOX of rocks."

Jim said...

Chuck K got there first, but at least that was some intelligent research that has no doubt had useful spin-off benefits.

Jim

Kristopher said...

Wow. I stand in awe.

Audiophiles will spend thousands on Pear cables ( $7250 for a twelve foot cable! ), which have exactly the same electrical characteristics as simple lamp cord.

I would have never had the balls to sell them shiny rocks, and claim dropping one in each corner of the room will improve sound quality.

Kristopher said...

And as you can see, Tam, only audio-poseurs buy those cheap $100 Monster cables.

( snicker )

1911Man said...

I'm a partner in an audio transducer (speaker) technology development company. One of the uphill battles we face is that there is, apparently, no other industry on earth, quite so heavily populated with Kool-Aid manufacturers, Kool-Aid salesmen, and Kool-Aid drinkers/addicts. That would be Snake Oil flavored Kool-Aid, of course, in a color somewhere between yellow and brown. Regular consumers get so bombarded with absolute bullshit claims, that hardly anybody is able to filter out the actual good stuff.

If you're ever in Las Vegas during CES, you can go to the off-site unofficial show events at various hotels without needing a CES hall pass. It's good for a laugh or eleven. Magic speaker wire from the secret mine in Chile where there's NO OXYGEN to interfere with the sound waves. Magic anti-earthquake granite platforms for your zillion dollar record player (because analog vinyl sounds soooo much better than that awful CD sound, Nyquist be damned). Magic doodads to place around your listening room to make the room more betterer. And, once in a while, some actual damn nice sounding speakers for reasonable prices - but those people don't really belong here at the show, because they don't have any MAGIC, you know.

Standard Mischief said...

"octane booster" is a real product that actually will boost octane. Typically, one bottle will raise 15 gallons of gas up a few points.

"Points", you know, like from 98 octane gas to 98.2 octane gas.

Jim said...

I enjoy the irony of gold-plated connectors "for better conductivity."

Never mind that gold only conducts about 70% as well as copper. It does resist corrosion nicely, hence it being there, but it does nothing good for conductivity and a thin grasp of high school science would show this to anyone who cared to apply a little critical thought to the subject.

Jim

Ambulance Driver said...

Gas On! Apply directly to the cigarette lighter plug! Gas On! Apply directly to the cigarette lighter plug! Gas On! Apply directly to the cigarette lighter plug!

Keads said...

Phhfft... 100 Dollar speaker cables are for losers! Real audiophiles use Denon AKDL1 cables.

Oh the reviews are great!

Sigivald said...

On the plus side for $100 cables, at least those actually work as cables, which is why Monster doesn't get shut down by the FTC for fraud.

(Their cables aren't really superior to cheaper ones, of course, but they do work.)

These guys, well, just a matter of time, like the rest of the frauds.

bubblehead: This sort of thing is the FTC's job, not the FCC's - and they do go after guys like this. It just takes time, and there are so many of them...

(On "octane boosters", well... I'm sure they do boost octane. But that won't get you better mileage, just as putting "premium" in your car that demands plain unleaded is just a waste of money.

Octane just prevents detonation, allowing higher compression - but if the engine don't need it, it doesn't do jack.)

Joseph said...

Why should we listen to you? Are YOU a doctor? No, well Dr. Fuel IS a doctor, so nyaa!

PS at least $100 speaker cables do something.

Anonymous said...

Gold plated connectors don't work because they have greater conductivity, but despite having lower conductivity. They work by having a coating that is more malleable, so that the contact area is larger. The transfer of corrosion away from the connector to other parts that can afford is is a nice bonus.

Davidwhitewolf said...

@Standard Mischief: I remember well the fellow in our high school who claimed his car ran on "pure octane." Presumably he bought octane booster and poured it in the tank instead of filling up. He shut up when we told him of his Kessel-run-in-12-parsecs conceptual error.

docjim505 said...

Does anybody know if this thing will work with a diesel engine? How about hybrids?

Anyway, I'm getting mine before GM buys the patent so that you can only get one on a Chevy Volt. Not that it needs one...

/ sarc

theirritablearchitect said...

A decent vacuum gauge and just a bit of ingenuity, and you can rig up something that actually, ya know, works, and probably not spend any more than that $50 the hustlers are swindling out of the idjits.

GuardDuck said...

Dude! You can't use an electricity conditioner on a Chevy Volt! If your Volt was charged using renewable solar or wind power the electricity is ALREADY conditioned to it's optimal level. Any tampering with that green and renewable energy is not only a waste of natural resources but is also potentially a FEDERAL FELONY!

Kevin said...

Oh and don't forget cured copper heaters that are not bound by the laws of thermodynamics.

Sometimes I wonder if the Gov't is not behind all of those scams, taxing the stupid in every way possible.

Derfel Cadarn said...

What is the difference between genius and stupidity. There is usually a limit to genius.

Anonymous said...

Chuck K said...
"Brilliant pebbles"? Was that not part of the original "Star Wars" defense system we should have had operational by now?


Sorry, no. Most of the original *actual* STAR WARS programs, which would actually have been of some benefit, were well on their way to being canceled/wound down after the end of the cold war when the farcical "Brilliant Pebbles" program scam was dreamed up. It was simply a last gasp attempt to keep the dollars flowing by making absurd claims of maximum effectiveness for minimum dollars.

And those "minimum dollars" (which actually weren't that insignificant) were a LOT more than the concept deserved. It should never have made it past the first cut of a "no-idea-is-too-stupid-to-throw-out-first-cut-brainstorming session".

"Brilliant Pebbles" was to STAR WARS as the "Fuel Doctor Fuel Efficiency Booster FD-47" is to a real carburator/fuel injection system.

BoxStockRacer

Kristopher said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

What about the USB pet rock? Where does that fit in?
LittleRed1