Saturday, March 26, 2011

I felt a great disturbance in the Force... though thousands of defense attorneys had thrown their hands up in exasperation and said "Screw it!"

The self-defense industry is rife with bad advice. From the strip-mall karate instructor to the guy at the gun shop telling you "And if'n you shoot 'em outside, make sure you drag 'em inside and put a knife in their hands before you call the cops!" when he probably can't even spell 'tampering'.

Still, of all the bad advice I've heard or read over the intertubes, the guy in this video takes the cake. Were I him, I would probably just sell all my guns now, because in this one video, he has handed any future prosecutor a slam-dunk murder conviction in pretty much any conceivable self-defense shooting scenario he could be involved in, short of his house being stormed in broad daylight by a platoon of chainsaw-wielding Hell's Angel zombies. And even then he'd look suspicious.


Aaron said...

The fail is exceptionally, exceptionally strong with that one. So many examples of what not to do in one video that it is quite impressive in its thoroughness.

Hell, that guy doesn't even qualify for idiot rates for representation. Idiot rates come into play when you did something real stupid and we're trying to plea bargain or settle you out of the really big hole you dug yourself into. This guys is way beyond a hole and well into a full on Chunnel of screwed, and yes, in his case that is a legal description.

Please tell me this is some kind of ironic self-parody or moby-esque attempt to make firearm instructors look like complete morons.

wv: cappite - No, this guy don't capitte nothing about the legal use of deadly force in self defense, and he's going to lose his caput if he tried to defend himself following that kind of moronic advice.

staghounds said...

1. Pandering to the market- I have attended/taught eight permit-getting classes. The eagerness of some male pupils to shoot someone is frightening.

Particularly scary is the desire for a roadmap- "If he does A, then B, I can shoot him, right?"

U R thinkin about it rong.

2. I've always thought that lawyers in cases where permit holders are charged with shootings miss a bet by not secretly videotaping their customers' trainers in action.

Oops, not many permit holders get charged with shooting people.

Anonymous said...

Does "how he likes to take care of things" sound at all past-tense to anyone else?

There's a reason the camera doesn't pan, friends.

mc said...

I'm thinking this is his idea of very dry humor.

Not buying this man is serious, he's dangling bait.

Those are nice garbage bags though, nice and thick so icky stuff stays put.

Icky "nobody's business" stuff, like his half of a perp corpse.

I hope I'm not wrong, the thought that he's serious is well worth a creepy douche chill.

Old NFO said...

Umm... ah... damn, I don't even know what to say to this one...

Jac said...


Unknown said...

For a while I was wondering if he was joking, but in the end I figured we wasn't and that he represents a good percentage of gun owners.

I didn't hear him condone murder. He even said if you do certain things it'll look bad. His advice is to destroy evidence, but not of a murder.

How many passionate gun owners do we know who hate the police and mistrust the government? It's from among them that you get guys like this.

global village idiot said...

Alea iacta esto, indeed!


WV: propiti - as in, "stay off mine"

Will Brown said...

Here in Texas at least, potential self-defense examples are part of the CHL instruction syllibus - along with the appropriate Texas criminal code section that applies. Not every possible, and the instructors I'm familiar with are quick to point out that they aren't lawyers and everyone needs to consult one for detailed analysis of the body of legal interrpretation that may exist.

I do remember that my class instructor made the specific point several times that, if you become involved in a shooting (even if only as a direct witness to events) your first action as soon as the gun smoke starts to clear is to call 911 and stay on the phone with the operator until told otherwise. My lawyer advises to call 911, make the initial report then hang up and call him. Once the PD does show up, accept that you're going to be handcuffed until they figure out who's what and answer any question that goes beyond identifying yourself by saying that you wish to make your statement in the presenceof your legal counsel whom you have already contacted and nothing more! Be polite about it, but careful too.

Frankly, choosing to render first aid to another who is potentially part of a crime scene is a difficult decision, especially if you shot him/her. Consult your own concience on that one.

Tam, may I plug my lawyers in your comments, please?

Tam said...

Will Brown,

Sure! I think it's important for people to remember the existence of Problem #2.

pax said...

What, it's April Fool's Day already?


Those looking for some good advice about after a shooting, from someone qualified to give it, should read this:

Kristophr said...


That would be Skippy's online debate rule #2:

2:# If you share any qualities or ideas at all with a bad person, you become identical to them in every way. So for instance all failed art students are now genocidal white supremacists. Even the black and Asian failed art students.

Will Brown said...

If you are in Texas and own a gun (whether or not you also have a CHL, for which there is a seperate catagory of retainer) there is a legal retainer arrangement available with the Houston law firm of Walker, Rice & Wisdom that is marketed as Texas Law Shield (sorry about the auto-start ad). See my previous posts introducing the service here and discussing an example of the type of educational advice they routinely offer their clients here for additional detail.

Being well informed about the law is all well and good, but not having to secure the services of a lawyer from a holding cell is well worth the $130/year to me.

Arcticelf said...

The really frightening part is that this is video number 20. He has made 19 others...


Steve said...

I'm dying to know what is in video's 1-19!

chiefjaybob said...

Well. I for one found this hopeful and informative. Notice how he keeps copious notes on what he wishes to speak about, consulting those notes and making sure to hit all the bullet points. All this time I've been trying to cram all those home invader bodies into a SINGLE garbage bag. Never occurred to me to use two. And just dump it off the road? Sheesh, I bet I've spent years driving out to the perfect dumping sites and digging a shallow grave. This guy has just improved my life!!

Unknown said...

Gee, and I've been SO looking forward to using my backhoe in "Shoot, shovel and shut up."

Ken said...

Mike B, when I call you a venomous creep and an exploding pustule on the body of humanity, please do not misinterpret it to mean that I will click on your website.

Bubblehead Les. said...

When I was involved in my shooting, I remember the advice Mas Ayoob wrote about what to do from the Legal side of things. A) I called 911 when it started, and tried to follow their directions. B) I kept yelling " I have a gun and will shoot if you don't leave", and the 911 people heard it loud and clear on the phone. C) After the shooting. I gave the police my photo I.D. and said "I am remaining silent until I can talk to a Lawyer". D) This kept ME from being charged with Attempted Murder, because everything I did was on the record and in accordance with Virginia Law at that time.

What a lot of the people out there don't realize is that, in many, many States, cities and locals, if you pull the trigger to defend yourself and your loved ones, you WILL be Automatically Charged and Arrested, even if you have every Legal right to do so and the D.A. knows it. What to spend a weekend in Lock Up while they try to get a Judge to Grant Bail? Want the Cops to rip your House apart looking for other Firearms? Come Monday, when you get released, and you return to your house, and try to clean up everything, if you're lucky, you might be able to get your weapons back in a few months. The Anti-Gun D.A. will delay their return while "they are being checked to see if they are stolen or were used in any other crimes", you'll discover that, even if you did everything by the books, the political hacks who run those places want to "teach you a lesson".

Go check out Mas Ayoob's stuff involving the Law. This Fool's advice will get you sent to Lock Up so fast your head will spin right off.

pax said...

Comedy gold on his YouTube channel. Someone told him his advice was bad. He replied, "I don't consider myself stupid..."

("In Bean's experience, that was a sentence never uttered except to prove its own inaccuracy." ~OS Card)

Miguel said...

Activate the captions.... Still does not make sense that this guy should be giving advice but at least the transcription is stupid funny.

MonteG said...

I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that this guy is mikeb302000.


El Capitan said...

I think I've seen this guy on South Park.

"Home invasions are bad, mmmmKay?"

Anonymous said...

Arcticelf said:

"The really frightening part is that this is video number 20. He has made 19 others..."

You wish. He's made 78 of them!

Check this one out:


NotClauswitz said...

I think MonteG is right, it's gotta be MikeBnumbernumber.

Ken said...

How many passionate gun owners do we know who hate the police and mistrust the government? It's from among them that you get guys like this.

That just makes it suck worse than ever to be you, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

Thank you Justice Breyer. For another opinion on this case, we will now hear from Justice Scalia.


Anonymous said...

" though thousands of defense attorneys had thrown their hands up in exasperation and said "Screw it!"

You got the visual right, but you better read their lips again; they're saying "Ka-Ching!"

Unlike ambo chasers who only get to steal money if they can take some from one party "on behalf" of another, the defrauder versions of esq swine get paid - big - up front. And the stupider their client the more um, remunerative they are likely to be.

Hell, this vid guy could be their plant...


Anonymous said...

Unrelated, but btw...

"All we are saying is give peace a chance."

Just saw that up there...I don't know if I've mentioned lately how damn funny this place.

But that better not be another "gray-haired bastard" crack. ;)


Anonymous said...

"How many passionate gun owners do we know who hate the police and mistrust the government?"

Well, me, for one, but I was paying attention in class.

"Hell, this vid guy could be their plant"

You can't blame this one on us.

Shootin' Buddy

Joseph said...

I got bored enough where I didn't watch it past the first 2 minutes...

Guffaw in AZ said...

OMG! Who IS this clown?

Keads said...

Uh.. I ... Holy Crap! This stuff would make Baby Jesus cry. "Instructor Training"- Those words do not mean what you think they mean.

After students spend 8 hours in the classroom with me I HOPE they get the idea that this is a "Legal Use of Deadly Force" class. Not a machismo class.

Bubblehead Les, +! on you Sir!

"What a lot of the people out there don't realize is that, in many, many States, cities and locals, if you pull the trigger to defend yourself and your loved ones, you WILL be Automatically Charged and Arrested, even if you have every Legal right to do so and the D.A. knows it."

Ding ding ding, we have a winner! A lot so students think if they shoot the Bad Guy the Mayour of the City is going to give them a key to the City and a parade. BZZZT! Wrong answer!

I have also encountered the stuff staghounds mentioned. Even more scary: "Particularly scary is the desire for a roadmap- "If he does A, then B, I can shoot him, right?".

Yep, some seem to think about a certain scenario too much. There is also a good chance I will get called into court or subpenaed by a Grand Jury if one of my students pulls the trigger as their instructor.

Some are incredulous (down here the word is pissed) when I tell them if I can run away to save my life I will. Even more so when I say "not every problem is a gun problem".

Anonymous said...

I had zombie Hell's Angels at my door recently, they said "chains... chains..."

A week before that, zombie railfans: "trains... trains..."

Then there were the zombie vegetarians: "grains... grains..."

Interesting times and all that.


Justthisguy said...

Tam, Tam! That's "were I he"!

Also: "And even then he'd be an object of suspicion!"

Cond0011 said...

Wow... The garbage bags... That sounds logical!


Couldn't he... like.... put mask over his face when saying this?

All that is missing is the banjos playing in the background:

(h/t Velociman for safety the video)

Kristophr said...


Even the residents of PaddleFasterIHearBanjos, WV ain't that ingnorant.

John said...

Swate Jay-sus!!!

That creeeps me out. His utterings has all the pathological stench of a three-day dead plague victim.

og said...

Wow, I always wondered what MikeB looked like.

McVee said...

Wow. He's kind of a psychotic rainman... 27 minutes to Wapner... practically 26 minutes.

If I were an up and coming LA county DA I would definitely check this guy out...

JB Miller said...

Show this to a Judge and it would be excellent grounds for a search warrant!

Kristophr said...

I suggest flagging his video, and getting him removed.

The first amendment is not a license to commit conspiracy felonies.

Sigivald said...

mikeb: I dunno, the part about "just going and waiting while they bleed to death" sounds a lot like murder in terms of the law.

Legally, you can shoot a home invader, and keep doing that until he stops being a threat.

Then just "going to bed for an hour" while he bleeds to death will, as the linked post said, get you sent to death row.

Kristopher: I'm not seeing the conspiracy; conspiracy requires action towards commission, by the conspirators.

Advising people to do something hypothetical ("in case of a home invasion") that would be a crime if they did it, is not conspiracy.

An Ordinary American said...

I liked the "ordinary garden gloves" he uses to dispose of his dead bodies.

The Hefty Company ought to consider running some print ads in the gun rags and mercenary magazines advertising their heavy-duty "contractor grade" bags as ideal for disposing of those bled-out, pesky dead bodies that tend to litter your living room every home-invasion season.

This guy is nuttier than a 1960's Christmas fruitcake.