Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Settle down, there, Conan...

Abandoning his trusty steed, Paladin Strongheart continued up the carriage path towards the city of the Dark Tower, stronghold of the mighty wizard Rahm the Dancer...
State police arrested a shirtless man found marching along Interstate 65 in northwestern Indiana while holding a nearly 3 foot-long samurai-style sword.
Unfortunately, despite all signs indicating that Chicago was just over the horizon, Paladin Strongheart learned that one does not simply walk into Mordor, even with a sword forged of the finest steel by the gnomes of Pakistan and bought in the weapon bazaar at the Market of Flea.

Confronted by the evil henchmen of the Sheriff of Garyham, who appeared to be armed with phials of irritating, wands of tazing, and bracelets of arresting, Strongheart swung his sword, but rolled a Critical Miss. He then failed his saving throw against Going To Jail, and accompanied the warders peacefully.

Off-the-record sources have alleged that... (and I know you'll find this shocking,) ...marijuana was found in the car. I'm also considering starting a side pool on his BAC. Place your bets...

19 comments:

Bram said...

"He was jailed on resisting arrest and other charges."

I'm sure they will think up something.

TBeck said...

What happened to those Boots of Escaping he paid good gold for?

Art said...

Somehow ... I kinda doubt that the evil weed alone sent Conan down the four-lane to Mordor.

Betcha dollars to donuts, Conan has a lengthy file full of personal contacts with social workers, psychiatrists, psychologists, mental health workers etc.

Somewhere, perhaps, there's a lab working on a field test kit for "Teh Crazy".

Tam said...

Art,

For events like this, intoxicants generally need a good foundation of crazy to build on.

I sampled a pretty broad cross section of the pharmacopoeia in my younger, wilder years and something like this never would have sounded like a good idea.

Ausprepper said...

My bet is that it was a coked out Christopher Lambert reliving his Highlander days.

Bob said...

Drudge has the final, wonderful word on this one; apparently the guy told the po-po's that he was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Peter said...

Rahm the Dancer???

BWAAAHAHAHAHA!

Thanks for my morning giggle, Tam. I needed that.

:-)

WV - 'rentam'. But I don't want to rent Tam - she's my friend!

docjim505 said...

Tam - phials of irritating, wands of tazing, and bracelets of arresting

TBeck - Boots of Escaping

LOL! D&D references with morning coffee. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

"Somewhere, perhaps, there's a lab working on a field test kit for 'Teh Crazy'."

There is, it's the smell.

They sleep in their clothing and often do not bathe. I've worked for them, believe me I know.

Shootin' Buddy

Anonymous said...

There is, it's the smell. They sleep in their clothing and often do not bathe. I've worked for them, believe me I know.

So you're saying all us engineers got Teh Crazy?

jf

Henry Blowfly said...

Demon Rum.
Only a true coward will not fight when he has a belly full of Demon Rum.

og said...

"There is, it's the smell."

Actually truer than you think; there is a body of evidence that says trans-3-Methyl-2-hexenoic acid (one of the caproic type acids) is a marker for schizophrenia. The armpit juice of hard schizophrenics contains this, smells like bad cheese or goats. One of the waiters at the Broad Ripple Brewpub reeks of this, and I always keep eyeballs on him.

Studies have been done that say there is no difference between the emissions of schizos and non schizos in this respect, but it seems the "test" schizos may have actually been imitation schizos for hire, looking to scam some clinical research cash.

I've often wished I could use my memory for good, instead of just stupid trivia.

og said...

"Rahm the Dancer???"

Our local radio station plays 'Tiny Dancer" whenever they do a Rahm news story.

SpeakerTweaker said...

I was able to keep only an irremovable smirk up until the he "failed his saving throw against Going To Jail," at which point I rolled a natural 20 to LOL.

This shall be the funniest blog post on Teh Intarw3bz this day.



tweaker

J.R.Shirley said...

Good stuff.

And wow.

Heather said...

I laughed.

A lot.

Good job!

Matt G said...

"Off-the-record sources have alleged that... (and I know you'll find this shocking,) ...marijuana was found in the car."

I find it a bit surprising-- pot usually mellows a fellow, from my observations. Swingin' scimitars more of a drunkard thing.

And awesome post, BTW. :)

John B said...

On the BAC pool.
I'm betting at least double the legal definition of drunk!

By the old standards.

I never got loaded enough that bringing a knife to a cop fight was a good idea.

I remember going to jail overnight, because I expended my arsenal of water ballons against a half-dozen of Spokane's. The prosecutor wanted me to do a year, the judge thought the prosecutor needed a year. I ended up paying the deductible for two water damaged radios, and actually helped them field strip their Glocks.

(Cue Archie and Edith)
♪Those were the days♫

Heath J said...

:D

I needed a laugh, good stuff