Friday, September 14, 2012

...or are you happy to see me?

In your best Apu from The Simpsons voice, say the following phrase out loud: "Pardon me, sir, but there seems to be a monkey in your pants."

That's right, a guy got busted at the New Delhi airport with a slender loris down his trousers. He was apparently trying to board a flight for Dubai when either someone noticed his crotchal area was more animated than it should be, or the crotch fondler at the customs checkpoint got his hand fondled right back.

However it happened, they discovered he had the little fellow in there with his little fellow and was trying to get the critter, which is on both the Endangered Species and Cutest Animal lists, out of the country, an act that is strictly verboten.

Knowing the attitude of wealthy Emirates citizens towards anything that smacks of work, I'm wondering if this guy was the intended future owner of said loris, or just a hired smuggler? And if the latter, did he use the line so familiar to any cop in America: "I don't know how that got in there! These aren't even my pants anyway, they're Sumdood's! I didn't know he had a monkey in there!"

At any rate, Story. Of. The. Year.


24 comments:

perlhaqr said...

Oh. Emm. Gee.

Now I desperately want to get one of those halloween "dancing hand" things (Looks like a cheap rip off of the Thing from Addam's Family) and rig it up somehow to grope TSA agents back.

Yeah, I'd probably go to jail, but it might be worth it. :D

Critter said...

this is a PG-13 site so i'd better not comment.....

Ish said...

I cannot beleive you had the fortitude to resist a "spank the monkey" joke.

Tam said...

He couldn't spank the monkey; it was endangered.

Anonymous said...

Smuggler, or snuggler?

Bob said...

*imagines TSA requesting the guy to unzip his trousers, at which point the monkey pops out and says, "I am the Loris! I speak for the trees!"*

And if the monkey eats too much and puts on weight, can you still call it a Slender Loris?

mikee said...

Of course it was a slow loris.

Who would put a fast one down their pants?

Ba dum, tchhhhk!

og said...

I did this in the Apu voice, which Ido very well, while my Daughter was driving us to her school this AM. She managed to control the car, but barely.

Bob said...

And try to do something about your filthy monkey, please.

Anonymous said...

This is scene for a movie... I have no plot, no actors, but I think that one scene could get me some funding.

Cybrludite said...

I hope the smuggler tranked the monkey, so it wouldn't go all Tarzan with his vine.

Bob said...

Of course this whole thread is nothing but a racist dog whistle.

OtherDood said...

Well, that's handy.

Anonymous said...

I guess I missed the loriserotica cult when I was in the UAE. It probably came from Bahrain, those folks are down right freaks.

Gerry

og said...

I just saw the video. Stand down, it was just Joe Biden.

armedlaughing said...

Where's the You Tube video?

gfa

Anonymous said...

Gerry,

Maybe it's for Bahrainis--remember, if you're from a Gulf country, you can't engage in the freakiness at home--have to go to a different country to get you booze et al. on. Baharainis to Dubai and vice versa...

global village idiot said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bo9riZYUpTw

Saw the story in yesterday's "Best of the Web Today" column by the Wall Street Journal's James Taranto (the best columnist you're not reading).

Pure Comedy Platinum.

gvi

Matt G said...

The man missed the perfect alibi.

"I put them into my pants to keep them away from everyone else's faces!"

Kristophr said...

Liebe mine Absminkey!

BGMiller said...

So......

Is that a monkey in your pants or are you just happy to....

Oh...

Banana?




BGM

NotClauswitz said...

They found the monkey? That means the other "one" is safe and got through...

phlegmfatale said...

But was the monkey masturbating? If he had trained the monkey to masturbate at awkward moments, the inspectors would have forgotten what they were about, and would have sent him on his way. Using the farce, as it were: These are not the masturbating monkey you looking for.

Justthisguy said...

As a professing Christian, I try to act less like a monkey and more like an angel, but I swear, sometimes I think I am just pissing into the wind. We are all such hopeless monkeys.