Saturday, February 02, 2013

Nerf goes the world!

I am not kidding you: At this very moment, that herbivore Lester Holt is on the TeeWee down the hall wringing his hands over whether the X Games have "become too dangerous." First Barry going on about football and now this...

Johnny raced dirtbikes, Jenny jumped BASE.
Name of the sport is The Human Race.
Everybody tell me have you heard?
Nerf goes the world.

Jenny drove rallyes, Johnny did too,
In a Mitsubishi and a Subaru
Everybody tell me have you heard?
Nerf Goes The World.

It goes something like this: (N n n nerf)

Johnny and Jenny had a crazy dream,
See their pictures in a magazine.
Every little boy needs a girl.
Nerf Goes The World.

Jenny and Johnny getting smart (it seems)
Made more money on a Red Bull team.
Every little nest needs a bird.
Nerf Goes The World.

One two three and four is five,
Everybody here is a friend of mine.
Whatever happened to the Duke of Earl?
Nerf Goes The World.

Six seven eight and nine is ten,
Send Jeb Corliss off a cliff again.
Say what planet are we on? The third!
Nerf Goes The World.

And Every time I wonder where the world went wrong,
End up lying on my face going ringy dingy ding dong

And every time I wonder if the world is right,
End up on the YouTube watching wingsuit flights.

Johnny raced dirtbikes, Jenny jumped BASE,
Name of the sport is The Human Race.
Everybody tell me have you heard?
Nerf Goes The World.

Johnny raced dirtbikes, Jenny jumped BASE,
Ain't nobody couldn't take their place.
Everybody tell me have you heard?
Nerf Goes The World...

25 comments:

Alan J. said...

Huh - until I played the video I thought the tune might have been Country Joe Mcdonald's famous Woodstock hit "I-feel-like-I'm-fixing- to-die-rag." (The Viet Nam song)

What are we fighting for?

sepulvedasrevenge said...

Brilliant!

Borepatch said...

I'm with Alan J - the words didn't quite fit.

You wacky kids with your "New Wave" ...

Bubblehead Les. said...

Uh, Lester? Ever stop and think that what they do at the XGames is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS, AND NONE OF THE COMPETITORS WERE DRAFTED INTO THE GAMES!

Gee, it looks like a whole bunch of kids who can't play in School because "they might be hurt by a Dodgeball, and besides, it's not FAIR that we teach Winning and Losing" decided to tell You and Your Nanny State Knicker-Twisters to Go Frack Yourselves!

And so say I.

BTW, are your Corporate Bosses at NBC and Comcast going to give up the Winter Olympics next year? There's a whole lot of Winter XGames taking place there nowadays, like Snow Boarding and Moguls. So if you're so concerned, persuade them to give up a couple of Billion Dollars that was paid out to Broadcast, AND all the Ad Revenue you'll be losing.

What's that? Don't want to do that? Guess you just another Money-Grubbing MSM Hypocrite then.

Anonymous said...

I'm not even remotely interested in seeing the President or Congress get involved, but I have to admit that all the brain damage going around has lessened my enjoyment of football. Guys trashing their knees in a pro sport... fine, retired players walking with a cane, doesn't bother me too much. But retired players with early onset dementia, psychosis, shooting themselves in the chest so their brain can be autopsied... kind of takes the fun out of it for me.

It's your brain, though: if that's what you want to do with it, go ahead - knock yourself out. Not sure I'll be watching as much, though.

Alath
Carmel IN

Anonymous said...

I knew you were going for "pop goes the world" but I heard "pepper" by the Butthole Surfers.
Ah, the 90's.

Desertrat said...

Better to die while doing something you love than to just sit around waiting to die from boredom.

Joyful living beats merely existing.

Anonymous said...

Everybody knows the bird is the word.

God I'm old.

Dwight Brown said...

Wait, wait: Men Without Hats had another song?

Bubblehead Les:

"BTW, are your Corporate Bosses at NBC and Comcast going to give up the Winter Olympics next year?"

Excellent point. Number of X Games fatalities so far: 1. Number of Winter Olympic games fatalities so far: 4, according to Wikipedia.

ISH (Mininerd) said...

Ambrose Bierce in his Devil's Dictonary (a book that reaches a full 0.99 Tams on the snarkometer)wrote that the lingering fear that someone, somewhere might be enjoying himself was the definition of 'puritanism.'

I think Bierce might have gotten his -isms mixed up.

Angus McThag said...

Choose.

Do you wish to exist or live?

Temnota said...

It's like that bit of wisdom from the Church of the SubGenius: "Don't eat that hamburger, eat the hell out of it."

Roberta X said...

Was that Bierce or Mencken?

Jay G said...

Live fast, die young, and have a good looking corpse.

-Nick Romano

Overload in Colorado said...

I thought the X in X-Games was eXtreme, and that extreme meant dangerous.

Old NFO said...

Sigh... one more infringement... For the good of the chilluns...

Ancient Woodsman said...

An old cowboy proverb that I've always been fond of is, "If you ain't livin' on the edge, you're takin' up way too much space."

I wouldn't play any 'x' games, but sure as heck appreciate why they are 'x' games. Teddy Roosevelt would have approved: "If you're going to play, play hard. If you're going to work, don't play at all."

Although some modern folks would disagree with the second half of T.R.'s witicism, I think many X-Gamers would heartily approve of the first half.

Lester needs to stay far, far away from my end of the planet. Or preferably go find another planet that has all the sharp edges & dangerous things & people off of it already, and stop trying to de-snag de-fang this lovely place and the colorful inhabitants thereof.

Anonymous said...

I had to use google to find out who Lester Holt is. But google never told me why I am supposed to care what be thinks about anything. I already knew exactly who Jeb Corliss is and on what subject I would consider his opinions worth paying attention to.

Corey

Tim said...

"I think Bierce might have gotten his -isms mixed up."

Then again, maybe he didn't. I'm persuaded by the argument that progressivism is directly descended from puritanism. There does seem to be a lot of fun policing in America.

Phssthpok said...

*SIGH*

The song just seems...incomplete... without the little brit-girl doing the intro.

"Ladies and Gentlimin, boys and gehlls...Pop Goes the Wherld, by Men Without Hahhts!"

(intentional misspellings in an effort to covey British accent)

Chris said...

It was Mencken.

Jack said...

Thomas B. Macaulay, 1800 - 1859

"The puritan hated bear baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators."

TotC said...

I love you Tam, you spelled Rallye the correct way in your lyrics.

Jericho941 said...

OH I SEE WELL I GUESS WE SHOULD ALL JUST PLAY SARCASTABALL

(That episode was great.)

staghounds said...

I have always loved that song!

And the Men Without Hats singer had a solo career-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3X5wFtjhAK4