Sunday, February 24, 2013

Part of the problem we have...

Any Californians reading this, please don't take it personally; I'm sure you're not part of the problem.

As some of you may know, California is the state where a Tijuana drug mule can take a break in LA to get that disc he herniated while hauling bales of Sinaloa dope treated and send his kid to school on the taxpayer dime, while the state government vigilantly mans the ramparts at the Nevada border, ever alert for invasive avocados. This demonstrates a shocking lack of a sense of proportion when it comes to threats to the state's economic viability.

Meanwhile, during the first decade of this century, we in the rest of the country allowed Californians to sell their 1br/1ba 750sq ft cinder block cracker boxes to each other for $1,000,000 and then come spend that Monopoly money on the housing market in the rest of the country like it was real cash.

California has border checkpoints because they're worried about invasive species? How do you think Coloradans are feeling about "invasive species" right about now? A generation's unfettered immigration has almost finished waxing Colorado's hairy chest and is about to start on giving the old mountain man a mountain mani-pedi; you have to flee to the far corners of the state to get away from the latte fumes emanating from the statehouse these days.

I think the rest of the nation would take it as a kindness if Nevada, Arizona, and Oregon were to seize those California Department of Food and Agriculture border checkpoints and turn their guns the other way and start shaking cars down for signs of dangerous invasive species, like voter's registration cards and real estate brochures.


Steve Skubinna said...

One of the things that chaps my ass whenever I go to CA is the state's asinine insistence on posting signs everywhere a potentially harmful material might be.

On Earth, that's everywhere. So literally every building that is publicly accessible must have signs warning you that items known to the State of California to be hazardous are present. They ought to just put up billboards at every crossing and bus station and train depot and airport and harbor: "Look Out, the World Will Kill You! Shove Your Head Up Your Ass and Hide!"

Maybe they could put Chris Dorner's face on them.



Farm.Dad said...

I think we have had exactly this conversation Tam , Thanks for posting .

Anonymous said...

Behind every warning sign in California is state legislation, and for every law there's a multitude of (mostly) unionized state employees sucking up salaries for pushing the paper to increase the budget for whatever it may be they are supposed to enforce.

rremington said...

Welcome to Washington State circa 1976.

LL said...


Dan F said...

If everything is hazardous to your health in California, then the common denominator is the culprit.
Ban CA for safety purposes!

sepulvedasrevenge said...

Ouch! Oh God that hurts but I loved every minute of it damn you! Do it again!

That's how we roll in California

Love Reno

taylor said...

As a newly-minted Colorado-ian (Coloradan?) who fled Illinois to a "more reasonable" state, I both laughed and cried at your post.

Damnit, why did I leave Tennessee again?

Darrell said...

I've lived in Colorado going on 40 years now, I hate seeing what's become of it. We presently have some of the best gun laws in the country (from a shooter's point of view), Kalifornians and East Coast types who've moved here are doing their damndest to make a libtard paradise of the place. Grrrrrr.

tweell said...

With the numbers of Californians that have resettled in Arizona, I'm amazed that we have managed to keep gun-friendly and conservative. When I figure out how we've done it, I'll be sure to spread the word.

sepulvedasrevenge said...

Well many of those Californians are doubtlessly like me. If I ever moved to a free State I'd be like one of those rabid anti-commie gulag survivors.

"Never Again!"

Kristophr said...

Scorpion pits.

With the words "Enjoy your visit!" written on the walls.

Scott J said...

Our governor claims to be all about attracting industry to Alabama.

I wrote him last week we should be courting companies like Magpul and Remington.

No response yet.

Billll said...

You nailed it on Colorado. Been here over 50 years myself and I fondly remember the proposed state song welcoming the tourists from out of state that ended
"Bring your pickups and your campers and you Winnebagos too
But don't forget to go home when you're through."

Border controls.
A good thing.
Ask any Indian.

BobG said...

We've been getting invaded here in Utah for years. And as soon as they get here, the first thing they try to do is to Caliform the place into where they came from. If it wasn't for the high birth rate of the native LDS population, they would have taken over the state completely.

Colorado Joe said...

Miss Tam,

Thank you. Best laugh I've had this week! I have believed for years that there is a long term solution to the California export problem.

My origial idea was to pump sea water into the fault system, causing the CA coast to shear off of the continental mainland, forming an island we could repurpose as a penal colony or perhaps disown entirely.

But I now believe a more certain outcome could be achieved by negotiating a population swap with China. We could exchange the registered Democrats and illegal immigrants in California for the population of Tiawan. We would agree to allow the ChiComs to reassimilate the island, and in exchange they would agree to confine all persons recieved on the island for at least 50 years.

Even modern medicince should be safely incapable of preserving Nancy, Diane, or Barbara that long.



Joe in Reno said...

It's probably too late for western & southern Nv. Over 90% of the state population is invasive species. Personally, I keep hoping for the big one and an ocean front view.

Anonymous said...

Amen, Tam, amen.

It hurts to see Colorado being ruined.

Anonymous said...


I'm a 5th Generation Californian, and for 40 years I've watched this state go steadily downhill. About 80% of the State's population aren't natives. For decades we've been getting the odd, the unwanted, unemployable, malcontents, rabble-rousers, anarchists, insane, welfare queens, overly sensitive, hairdressers, artists, thespians, lawyers, and politicians. Every square peg in a round hole with the price of a bus ticket in their shopping bag wound up in California.

Thank your lucky stars there is a California, otherwise they'd be in your cities -- and polling places.

BTW, all of your refuse will be driving me out of my home state very soon. I'd like you to keep in mind that I was once part of the solution - and not the problem.

(A Once Proud California Native)

Anonymous said...

BobG, I'm stealing "Caliform"--that's the perfect term!

I'll be leaving Cali as soon as I possibly can, since there's no work to speak of here. Hopefully I'll be able to settle down in southern Oregon, maybe get the State of Jefferson out of its slumber...


Firehand said...

I go by 'Californicated' as the state name. And what the former denizens keep trying to do to places they move to.

Have family in CO, and this is one of their biggest problems: idiots who move there from CA or OR to 'get away from [ ]', and immediately start trying to make CO like the place they moved away from.

Effing fools.

Kristophr said...

Firehand: Most of those OR folks are either ex-Californians, or the spawn of Californians.

Do not let excessive libertarianism dissuade you from the obvious benefits of giant scorpion pits.

( will have to work out some way to help sane Californians ... maybe give them visas )

David said...

Colorado does seem to have quite the infestation these days...

Rabbit said...

From your mouth to Odin's ears.

The Quiet Man said...

As someone who grew up in northern Nevada and has lived the last way too many years in Arizona, it pains me to no end to see what the Kalifornicators have done to the places I've loved.

The area where I grew up was like Goldwater country north...a bastion of conservatism. And as the Kalifornians moved in the rules began to change. Now the area is merely a shade of what I once knew. And sadly, Arizona has gone the same direction as well. I mean, my voting district just voted a self-described "Prada Socialist" in as our representative. It's getting to be almost impossible to find a place that hasn't been infected. Border checkpoints are about 25 years too late...if we had only know then what we know now.

Jeff said...

It's probably too late for Southern NV, Vegas was overrun years ago... They totally tanked the real estate market by trying to flip cheap houses to other idiots from Kali then drove the prices up into bizzaro-world.

Then there is the whole voting thing...

Another vote for the giant scorpion pits.

Ted N said...

Flamethrowers. They work on bees, they should work here too. Maybe chainsaws too.

Give a man a fire, he'll be warm for the night, set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life...

Anonymous said...

The invaded states should take a lesson: at least one Wyoming legislator knows how to respond when they try to caliform (love that term.)


Anonymous said...

In Cow Hampshire. We get them Sanctamonius Authortarian scum from MA and various Socialist enclaves. On more Than one occasion I alluled to why move here? They often say How cheapy home prices and/or work. Then bitch about the high property taxes! Then decry We need an income tax! What Bravo-Sierra!

Anonymous said...

I live in LA. I work in the entertainment business. I love my job but I hate CA politics. Don't blame me I vote R every time. I ignore gun bans, exploit "loopholes" in CA law and make my own ammo.

But you'll really hate this: my car cost more than my house in Las Vegas.

Aesop said...

Okay Tam, when you're right, you're right, but let's straighten out a few things:

1) It's Califrutopia. Period.
(And that's public domain, so by all means use it if you like it.)

2) As one of the Anonymous posters above noted, it ain't really California's fault, any more than Barack Obama is D.C.'s fault (or Illinois', or New York's, or Masasachusetts', or California's, or Hawaii's, or Indonesia's, or any of the other 57 states where he has social security numbers from...)or Hillary is NY state's fault.
We just have the climate most attractive to carpetbaggers, and they all vote for a living. Usually more than once, and long after they're dead. (cf. Chicago, Philadelphia, etc. etc.)

Doubtless somebody somewhere will get their panties twisted too tight by this, but I'll make ya a deal: you can send all the actual Californians back, if only you'll all agree to take back your own toothless banjo-playing kinfolk into the states from whence they fled to pollute this once-great place.
Before anyone starts a yapping cross-country flame war, kindly check the bio data on Barbara Boxer, Nancy Pelosi, Gray Davis, and Ahnuld, and tell me where they were born.
I'll take the rap for Sen. Fineswine and Gov. Moonbeam so long as the other tards get repatriated to some-effing-where else from whence they issued.
You take your village idiots, and we'll take ours. I assure you, California's getting the vastly better end of that deal.
And your relatives say "Hi."

3) That goes double for the current horde (multiple millions qualifies as a horde) of illegal aliens who persist here due largely to the monumental neglect, if not actual malignant recruitment into this country, by most of the 98 other senators and 390 or so other congressional representatives.
And if you voted for John McCain, Lindsey Graham, or Marco Rubio, in lieu of an apology, just kill yourselves, for the team, 'kay?


Aesop said...

4) And of course, that goes triple for all the airheaded nitwits who got off the bus from _______ to be in movies and TV. Yea, Santa Monica totally owns Sean Penn. And sometimes we get a winner, like John Wayne, Jimmy Stewart, or Ernest Borgnine.
But we get 20000 other artsy-fartsy knotheads who came here because they couldn't stand living in Pigknuckle or East Nowhere. So just because they work here, please, at least mentally, remember they're the obnoxious kid from your highschool theater class who ran away to join the circus, and don't tag this state just because the Volkswagen full of clowns they pal around with has California tags.
And when you think they're talking smack about you folks in the great American heartland out of ignorance, try to recall that more often than not, you raised them. Think of all that twaddle they spew covered breathlessly from coast to coast as our little gift back to you!

Cleveland had the right idea: make a museum for the rock stars, but don't get them to move in next door.

Of course, that plan works better when the breezes come roaring across Lake Erie at 15 degrees in January than when they slide off the Pacific Ocean at 72 degrees.

5) Yes, the Avocado Nazis are out of control, but at least they don't do TSA-style cavity searches. Yet.
And even the real police make fun of them. FWIW, I think they're a comedy reality show waiting to happen, and to date, they still haven't shot 27 innocent bystanders, used drones to launch Hellfire strikes on suspected violators, started major national riots, or burned anyone's religious compound down, so on the totem pole of Officious B@$tards to get worked up about, they're pretty far down. And you have to admit, sticking them out in the middle of the desert is a pretty good idea whether we're talking nuclear tests, or Barney Fifes. As a matter of fact, that might explain a bit of the 'tude, being jammed in that little toll booth in the heat, and watching everyone else come and go to Vegas all day long. Some trips I leave an apple in the back of the truck, just so they feel like they're doing Something Important.

Because whenever something is the Least I Can Do, I'm the go-to guy for doing the least.

And nobody can really cut loose on California like someone who's lived in occupied territory for decades.

Tam said...

We had a saying back where I grew up in East Pigknuckle...

No, not the bumper stickers that said "We don't care how you did it back up North." went: "The hit dog yelps."


Tam said...

(Although I read a good essay on the web, I can't remember where now, that described a certain demographic of American society as a rootless vulture class that moves to where the hipness is, soils the nest, and then moves on to the next big thing. Unfortunately, coastal Cali and NYC are pretty much permanent magnets for these people, but you could probably get heartfelt tales of woe about them from citizens of places as diverse as Seattle, Austin, and Athens, GA...)

Aesop said...

's okay.
When I was getting out of high school, we had bumper stickers too.

They said
"Welcome to California. Now go home."

Mind you, they have the same bumper sticker nowadays.
It's just that now it's in Spanish.

Anonymous said...

In the early 70's there was a very popular as in every other car had it, bumper sticker in Colorado that said "Don't Californiate Colorado". I guess it didn't work. Too Bad. I feel partly responsible I sold the home of a family that moved from Venice CA, a town know for its Progressive insanity to Ft. Collins.
Sorry Colorado, I needed the dough, but I still feel bad I know what you got. There is still lots more of that sub human sludge left around here. God, I want out of California! ... while I still can. My cousin still lives in Lakewood CO.