Went down to the almost-a-dentist this morning and saw an SUV in the parking lot with an antenna farm on the roof and so many radios and orange flashers on the dash that it was a wonder the driver could see out.
Got up to the fourth floor and there in the waiting room, looking like 300 pounds of chewed midnight blue polyester-clad bubblegum, was a guy in unbloused BDU floods revealing an inch of white tube sock above his scuffed boots, a mechanic's shirt, an orange-lined blue jacket, a basket-weave belt with pouches for radio and multitool, and a mesh-back ball cap with "INDHS" and "HAM" flanking either side of the state seal.
I've met cop mall ninjas and fire department mall ninjas and even EMT mall ninjas, and everybody and their brother has met SEAL Delta Ranger Sniper mall ninjas, but I don't believe I'd ever clapped eyes on a DHS mall ninja before. This was an entirely new variety of holster-sniffer in my experience, but I guess every organization with a uniform has its badge bunnies; somewhere some poor schlub is wearing blue gloves and searching himself for secreted explosives while moaning "Yes, TSA Agent, yes!"
So, this guy goes driving around and pretends he's America's ninety-seventh line of defense, somewhere on the org chart between the USCG Reserve and the Knights of Columbus?
Dream big, my friend...