Monday, November 15, 2010

He was no Clyde Barrow...

...but thankfully the KC po-po were no Frank Hamers, either:
“I’m just an ordinary guy,” he said. “I go to work every day.”

Fortunately he was not hit. At least three bullets hit the van. Ransom said he did not know how many shots were fired.

“I wasn’t counting,” he said. “But it sounded like a lot.”
Apparently, as his van backfired to a shuddering halt near his home, one of his neighbors heard the backfires and called the police. A pair of Keystone Kansas City Kops showed up and promptly went cyclic on the van and its unarmed occupant, connecting with their barn-door-sized target three times (and their own squad car a few times as well) before someone realized that the van's occupant was standing with his hands raised, yelling "Don't shoot!"

Good work, men! Expect a call from an IMPD talent scout any ol' day now, because you've obviously got what it takes to work in this town.

(H/T to Old Grouch in comments here.)


Shrimp said...

Imagine if the poor SOB had been legally armed, and chose to shoot back at the miscreants who opened fire on him. What would that headline read?

Joanna said...

I'm always afraid I would yell "Nicht schiessen!" instead of "Don't shoot!" I blame Band of Brothers.

Crotalus (Dont Tread on Me) said...

Learn German, and you can command the K-9 dogs. They're trained in German.

Anonymous said...

Sitz! Schweinhund!

Anonymous said...

Every time I think "maybe cops aren't so bad...", I read something like this....

Matt G said...

Anonymous: those were bad cops. Seriously. I'll freely admit that it's hard to tell the difference between the sound of a backfire and a shotgun blast, but when they're shooting at a van without a real target in mind, hitting their own car? They don't need to be "protecting" anyone.

Shrimp: Hell, I was just thinking of how bad it would have been for the poor janitor if he had just been carrying a gun at all. It wouldn't be hard in my vehicle to find an empty case under a car seat; what if I hadn't topped off my Barney bullet after loading my (often dirty) pistol, and I had the same thing happen to me? The assumption (from those Keystone Cops) would likely be that I had fired a round from within the car.


Brian said...

Well at least we know where Bill Hader and Seth Rogen got the inspiration for Ofc. Slater and Ofc. Michaels.

Joe in PNG said...

I don't know if those two really do have what it takes to join the IMPD. Sure, there is the utter brick brained imcompitance, mall ninja level of shooting skill, and tactical sensebility of a rabid woodchuck.

However, I haven't seen anything to suggest either officer was drunk or stoned out of their minds while on duty, and the IMPD can't be having with that sort of thing!

WV: hatined- Joe, don't be hatined against the popo...

Firehand said...

Tam, I must point out: no LE with half the ability and brains of Mr. Hamer would have shot without knowing what the hell they were shooting at in the first place.

The level of fail in this..."tactical sensebility of a rabid woodchuck" almost covers it, but damn!

Anonymous said...

I live in the Kansas City metro.

Pray for me.

--Wes S.

Dr. StrangeGun said...

The first time my Tbird exhibited it's incredible abilities, I thought someone had shot a 12ga off near the car. Depending on conditions/equipment, it can be scary close (but that's absolutely zero excuse for not being aware enough of surroundings to not shoot up a sitting van with an unarmed and cooperative occupant).

Thanks to a rich condition and a pinhole in the crossover pipe, my '84 Tbird had an offensive weapon for tailgators. All I need to do is ease it down to second gear (3spd auto), cruise for a moment, floor it, and let back to a little less than cruise.


And there's suddenly a 4' wide, bright yellow and blue, shock-wave sounding ball of deflagration issuing from the back of my car. And it was clean! There was only ever a trace of soot.

I did eventually fix it though. Did it accidentally once too often and the muffler failed. I don't mean the baffling, I mean catastrophically failed, it resembled a soda can after a dance with most of an M80. Ripped it completely open and blew it's guts partly out.

The synchronicity was amazing, actually... *just* rich enough, *just* a large enough pinhole in a weld, *just* naturally long enough of a pipe to hold a standing wave, and *just* strong enough to last a couple years of this abuse.

It was fun/deafening while it lasted... though now I feel very fortunate to have never encountered Office Fife.

Living in Babylon said...

Easier with a BAR.

These are the guys we give BARs to right?

Crucis said...

It's not the first time something like this has happened. The KC cops and their Kansas brethren have a habit of shooting innocent folks, i.e., KC cops "follows" fleeing theif into wrong motel room and then shoots/kills sleeping occupant,"; Kansas Sheriff deputy breaks into wrong house, shoots/kill father who attempts to protect screaming daughter."

In KC, you have to carry to protect yourself from some of the cops.
Oh, in both of the above cases, no charges were brought against the killers---just doin' their duty.

mc said...



So, so wrong. Having some small knowledge of small town cop-itis I will bet these morons feel besieged and are well on their way to ginning up enough anger to reaaaalllly eff up and lay out some damage and water the fields with the tears of those they are meant to protect in the near future.


Loud noise, shoot and shoot and hit own cruiser.

What are their names? I want to publish their names. Public humiliation is a far lighter sentence than the death they are flinging with macho disregard.

The lightest sentence they deserve is a public airing of their idiocy.

Names Please.

As always, even if it has become annoying Tam, I thank you for your fine blog;)!

Crucis said...

mc, check the Kansas City Star. It may still be on their website,