Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Evergreen Conspiracy

One of my favorite conspiracy theories has been the one where tens of thousands of (Warsaw Pact/United Nations/Communist Chinese) troops are (staged at hidden bases in our country/lurking just over the Mexican and Canadian borders) and about to take over our fair land.

This meme comes with numerous subtropes, too! There's the one where the stickers on the back of roadsigns, hastily slapped there by DOT workers, are actually a secret code directing the invaders. Because foreigners drive on the wrong side of the road, see? 

This is sometimes conflated with the haphazard adoption of more international-looking symbols on US roadsigns in the 1970s. We never signed on to the Vienna Convention, but we did change some signs, and if you want to get American conspiracy nuts in a tizzy, either change something about the road signs or something about the money. How changing the symbols on the front of the signs is supposed to help the UN troops when they're all driving on the wrong side of the road looking for the stickers on the back of the signs is an exercise best left to the reader.

"Where ever you find "handicapped access" signs and symbols and "YIELD" signs, you will also find a targeted site to be confiscated by the military. 
Again, these signs are *European* in origin. When foreign sinage began to be injected into our own sign system in the 1960's the American people were told by the Department of Transportation, these signs were needful because of all of the *European* tourist entering our country, that we have to make them feel more at home while visiting our country! This fabricated *LIE* wrapped in an excuse is now exposed! In our research, these foreign signs are a major component in a scheme to set-up our nation, not for foreign *tourists*, but for an invasion of foreign troops! This was the real reason for their arrival in America, and it is continuing unabated. Actually, American road signs are becoming more and more confusing to understand as they shift to "wordless pictorials" and strange *stackings* of signage to accomodate the hidden codes for military operations. 
Arrows pointing "UP" are a confirmed code symbol that identifys an important site and has been a regular feature at helicopter pick-up and drop zones."
I can't help it, all the arrows pointing every which way in these diagrams make me think of a much more recent internet meme.

Other sure signs of impending foreign invasion and internment:
  • The barcode scanners at Walmart and other big box stores are there to scan the marks that will be tattooed on the patriots who've been rounded up. They'll then store you in the Walmart garden center, which is why it has a big chain-link fence around it.
  • As a matter of fact, anything with a big chain link fence around it, from basketball and tennis courts to big-city industrial facilities, is interpreted by these loons as a secret detention facility for patriots.
  • Which is why they think barbed wire atop security fences points inward. That's a much more exciting reason than the actual one, which has everything to do with liability.
The most common trope is the flurry of worry that accompanies the sighting of any convoy of military vehicles moving by road or rail. Back in the early Nineties, early in the Clinton years and during the heyday of Michigan Mike and the Black Helicopter panic, several US companies were buying up ex-Warsaw Pact vehicles and refurbishing them for resale. The sight of rail cars or parking lots full of BTRs or whatever was a guaranteed crowd-pleaser on militia boards in the day. 

It reached its crescendo when some company was painting them white with big "U.N." markings to sell on to a country who intended to use them for its peacekeeping forces. That caused such a stir, with people thinking they were the vanguard of the long-feared U.N. invasion, that The New American actually did an investigative piece debunking it. 

Bro, when the frickin' John Birch Society is telling you to stop being a paranoid whacko and slow your roll, you need to stop being a paranoid whacko and slow your roll.

In a way, it was comforting to learn that even now, thirty years on, the details may have changed a bit, but the same fantasy Red Dawn LARP is evergreen and happening right now in the kookier corners of the internet:
It's comforting to know that the myths go on and on and on...