Tuesday, June 01, 2021

Hostile Takeover

So yesterday morning I was chilling out and watching the morning news when a commercial I had not seen before came on the televisor.

Everybody's sitting around with these snorkel masks on at the CPAP support group except this one dude who's just waving his remote control for... well, for what is not exactly made clear.

Now, I have a fair number of friends whose lives have been improved by CPAP machines, so I was curious as to what this new gizmo was, exactly. I pulled my iPad out and hit the Googles...

What the hell? Seriously?

Look if there's anything I don't want connected to the Internet of Things, it's my body's internal organs. Just keep my innards off the web, okay? I don't need my chitlins to be Bluetooth-enabled. There's a line, and that's on the wrong side of it. The last thing I need is some hacker in Kiev pwning my tongue and holding it ransom for a grand in Bitcoin.

While having a remote control for the tongue muscle does have, er, interesting boudoir implications beyond those of a mere peaceful snore-less night, the downsides are just... ick.
"Hey, why are you walking around with your tongue stuck out?"

"Got hacked. Thtupid thcript kiddieth."