Friday, February 09, 2007

Blog Stuff: Sorry 'bout this.

I was going to avoid mentioning anything about Anna Nicole Smith on this blog because CNN.com and Foxnews.com are doing such a swell job of it that I'm sure you're all as sick of it as I am. When someone told me yesterday that Anna Nicole Smith had died, I had to flip through my mental card file "Anna Nicole Smith? Anna Nicole Smith? Wasn't she that kinda zaftig chick in those black-and-white Guess jeans ads back in the day? The one that got everybody all a-twitter when she went gold-digging and landed some geriatric gazillionaire?" I was completely unaware that she had popped back above the ground clutter on the media's radar in the last ten years (such is the TV-free life) and now that she's augered in, they're giving her death more ink than they did for President Ford.

So, since there are plenty of celebrity-watching blogs out there eulogizing and scandalizing in all their banner-ad festooned, audio-streaming glory, I figured I'd let them do what they do best, which is pretending to care about Anna Nicole Smith, and I'd stick to doing what I do best, which is making fun of stuff that pretty much has nothing to do with Anna Nicole Smith. That is, until I saw that PETA had released a statement on her demise. The highlight?
A long-time vegetarian who had slimmed down into a stunning beauty when she stopped eating meat,
...and she died at 39, you tree-hugging dingus. I'm her age and, while I lack the dope habit, I do smoke and I eat meat and you don't see me keeling over in any Florida hotels, do you? So there you go: Learn from Anna, go eat some steak today.

8 comments:

comatus said...

Put me on the growing list of those who'd find the world a better place if more ex-centerfolds wholeheartedly embraced the Tamara K.(TM) Lifestyle. Stove-in ribs & all.

BRB said...

Your prose never fails to please. We are on the opposite ends of the political rainbow, but I always enjoy your takes.

"I was completely unaware that she had popped back above the ground clutter on the media's radar in the last ten years (such is the TV-free life) and now that she's augered in, they're giving her death more ink than they did for President Ford."

This sentence says it all about your style. It is great. And, no, I'm not hitting on you. I just enjoy the language well used.

Please, Ms, some more?

pax said...

Yet more proof that cocaine is no substitute for food.

phlegmfatale said...

Brilliant observation-- I hadn't heard that mess about the PETA thing. I DID see a photo of her looking drawn, haggard, and about 60 - frightening, but by golly she was thin. She looked more appealing when she had the fried chicken habit. You did well only to see her in print - her English was a heartbreaking indictment of the public school system-- I had to turn away.

Oleg said...

Saw her name op up on a TV screen at the gym. Had to ask a person next to me:"Who is this Smith? She's getting more air time than the Pope did..."

"Oh. Ok, then...I guess the Pope never posed for a centerfold."

Tam said...

"Oh. Ok, then...I guess the Pope never posed for a centerfold."

But what a wonderful world that would be. :)

Anonymous said...

pax said...
Yet more proof that cocaine is no substitute for food.



Actually, I don't think it was the Sorority Girl Diet® that did her in. Sure as hell didn't help, but I'm guessing that creepy lawyer dude of hers that was always hanging around had a case of the "I can't believe she's with me"-itis and kept her loaded on pain and happy pills.

Draven said...

Still don't believe it.... nope....