Monday, February 05, 2007

Blog Stuff: Weekend Update.

Friday night I went to the book store with Bob the Gunsmith; on the way there his phone rang, and we got diverted to get some peanuts & pecans for his mom. At Wal Mart.


"I don't wanna go to Wal Mart! Can't we go to the grocery store?"

"I just need to run in and get this one thing. It'll be just a minute."

"Bob, it's physically impossible to just 'run in and out' of a Super Wal Mart. Plus, every time I set foot in there, I turn into a raging elitist. I start thinking fond thoughts about eugenics. Genocide seems not only plausible, but attractive. I ponder the feasibility of an IQ-and-good-taste selective lethal virus, maybe triggered by a combination of polyester fumes and singing a certain note heard only in Britney Spears songs..."

"Just last week you were showing me that goofy video on YouTube and going on about how we were all part of the human race..."

"I was drunk at the time, Bob. I don't want to get in the cage with the monkeys, no matter how cute they are on YouTube."


We went to Wal Mart, I didn't get all genocidal (and Merck has yet to get back to me on my designer virus proposal), and we went on to Border's, where I bought the first P.J. O'Rourke book I've ever bought in the Economics section.

Saturday and Sunday were absolutely zoo-like at the shop. Democrats in Congress, the recent heavily publicized carjacking/double murder, and income tax refund time have combined to create a perfect storm in the gun store. We sold like five M4-type AR's on Saturday and Sunday alone. Sunday one of our guys was helping the TN National Guard protect the state from camel-borne invaders, and we were consequently a person short. The range was full and we ran a waiting list all day long.

At one point in the day, I took advantage of a lull to run next door for a pack of smokes. And by "run", I mean "run". I went to hop the fabric erosion control fence at the bott om of the hill, and the toe of my left boot just snagged the top of the fence.

Oops.

I augered in pretty hard. I tried to tuck my arm and roll onto my left shoulder, but my reflexes aren't quite as catlike as they were, and all I succeeded in doing was pulling my left arm up and out of the way, allowing my entire body weight to crash down on my left boob.

Ow.

I didn't know the sky could turn that color.

When I regained my breath, I looked around to make sure nobody had seen, then walked into the convenience store. To be greeted by "You okay? Damn, I saw you hit the ground and I was like, 'Oh! She must really be hurt! Get up, Girl!' You sure you're okay?", thereby ensuring that my pride was bruised as thoroughly as my ribs, which still hurt like heck today, thankyouverymuch.

...and that was my weekend.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

I spent my weekend with the Inlaws.

I spent Friday night at the circus (a real one) that I've been to every year for the past 5 or 6.

I DIDN'T get to go to the range because they were so busy.

The only real fun I had was riding my mountain bike up a narrow singletrack, climbing 1000ft in 1.5 miles. The ride along the ridge and the downhill side were worth the effort.

Chris

Mark said...

If it's any consolation, I did something similar a couple of weeks back trying to scissor-vault over the dividing rail of a dual carriageway.

I do say "similar".

Gnnnn.

Adapting to one's slowly diminishing physical aptitude as the years accrue is occasionally unwontedly humbling.

treefroggy said...

This is the real reason that smoking kills. It's not the smoke, it's the crazy things people do to get the smokes.

comatus said...

I'm impressed with your reader base. No mention yet of that port mammary extension, its adequacy as padding, what color it turned, who ought to be helping with that, etc. Mute testimony to your reputation for long-range accuracy. WE CAN THINK IT, THOUGH.

Like all the tales of drivers who lived because they didn't wear a seatbelt, there's a counter-example to every safety rule. This is the first case I've heard where small-of-the-back carry might have been safer than a shoulder holster.

Real gunny's sympathy: didn't drop the gun, did you?

DirtCrashr said...

I had a bad cold intensify.

Joseph said...

Really? Because I had (and happen to still be recovering from) a cold, and so did a friend...

Anonymous said...

Went out Friday to get the mail. Snow'd blown over an icy patch. Concussion.
They say it causes short-term memory loss and headaches. Already had the first.
OldeForce

{Word verification is wart-u-fg. WTF?

Kristopher said...

I'm sorry .... I just couldn't get the "mud wrassling" meme out of my head ....

Ulises from CA said...

Ouch. Sympathy.

I recently tried out for a local police force. At 38, I was tailgun Charlie for just about everything. :(

Anyhoo, one test is the 145 pound dummy drag. @#&^%* dummy knocked me down & put my back out to boot! It has taken me 3 weeks to walk upright without pain.

Again, sympathy for the damage to your left life preserver.

If you quit smoking, you can buy more guns on your list, sooner!
;^)

Anonymous said...

Good to hear another dissenter from the "but we're conservatives, so we're OBLIGATED to love Wal-Mart!" chorus. :)

Interesting that things have recently been more busy at gun shops down there. 'Round here (northwest Indiana, just across the border from Hoplophobe Heaven) they don't seem any more (or, I should add, any less) busy than usual, although I wasn't the only one at the store I went to last Thursday who was in the process of spending more than half his tax refund on guns.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry Tam but I did immediately think of all the permutations of landing on the left mammary. I'm so disappointed in myself. Honest.

PS This is why I posted anonymously. But, you need to know that even if nobody mentions it, we're all thinking about it.

Anonymous said...

I think I saw something hop that same fence. At first sight I was more inclined to think that I had actually witnessed a bigfoot sighting. But on further observance I came to the realization that it was not bigfoot but some new and as yet unidentifiable new species. Something along the scientific species of homobigbitchecus. Since it was beginning to darken during this sighting, I decided to follow this creature (who's foot size was directly proportional to its height and girth, and Im not talking small here folks) back to its lair. I at first sight was aghast at the mere size of this creature, but was also at a loss as to what sexuality it might posses. Being in fear for my life, I was able to slowly back away and flee from the lair with my life intact. That was a close call!

Anonymous said...

For soft tissue injuries, and to reduce/prevent swelling and bruising, try "Arnica Montana" herbal supplement.

A buddy of mine whacked his thumbnail full force with a hammer, went into shock from the pain. His wife gave him a bunch of tiny pills which dissolved under his tongue. He felt better in ten minutes, and didn't even lose his thumbnail.

Billy Beck said...

"Adapting to one's slowly diminishing physical aptitude as the years accrue is occasionally unwontedly humbling."

Until about five years ago, I could still take a running jump up onto a truck loading dock. There are many theaters in America in which I would go running down the aisle and take one jump from the orchestra floor up onto the stage.

It was in my early forties that I started thinking, "I do bloody hope that I'll have enough sense to stop trying this before I can't actually do it anymore."

Somehow, I found the sense. It's been "humbling" enough to realize how The Robot (the body that my mind drives) starts breaking down, without driving it to catastrophe to make the point even more sharply.

Sorry to hear it, Tam. I never broke a rib, but I've seen enough of 'em in others to sympathize.