I cannot begin to describe the song in my heart as I read this headline:
The article starts off with "Wild monkeys attacked a senior government official who then fell from a balcony at his home and died..." and just keeps getting better from there. I mean, really, in this case is it possible for a humorist to improve on the raw data?
I found myself wondering "What exact species of monkey is this? Are they importable? What in their evolutionary heritage compels them to attack bureaucrats, and can it be reinforced through selective breeding?" I want grant money. I want to hire LabRat from Atomic Nerds and put her in charge of the research effort. I want investors. Think of the unfulfilled market out there in politician-attacking simians! Picture a tribe of these things hooting their way across the stage in the middle of the next presidential debate... oh, please gawd let it happen.