"...to be held hostage by poultry?"
I mean for the love of Pete, people! First Lite Brites, now this?
Look, when the turkey gets up in your face, you kill it and eat it. Stuffed with cornbread. Don't you people know anything? There are ol' boys down here that hit their knees every night praying for a turkey so unwary as to allow itself to be glimpsed at shotgun range, let alone approached and throttled by hand.
That whole Kennedy/Kerry thing is starting to make a lot more sense to me now...