Tuesday, October 30, 2007

"Now you citizens of Boston, don't you think it's a scandal..."

"...to be held hostage by poultry?"

I mean for the love of Pete, people! First Lite Brites, now this?

Look, when the turkey gets up in your face, you kill it and eat it. Stuffed with cornbread. Don't you people know anything? There are ol' boys down here that hit their knees every night praying for a turkey so unwary as to allow itself to be glimpsed at shotgun range, let alone approached and throttled by hand.

That whole Kennedy/Kerry thing is starting to make a lot more sense to me now...

25 comments:

Matt G said...

You damned skippy.

"There are ol' boys down here that hit their knees every night praying for a turkey so unwary as to allow itself to be glimpsed at shotgun range, let alone approached and throttled by hand."

Get. Out. Of my BRAIN!

El Capitan said...

Dunno about throttling it by hand, you'd take a whoopin' from the flailing wings and I suppose the turkey feet might track mud and turkeypoo on your britches.

OTOH, that scenario is why there's a machete in the truck's toolkit. You never know when you might need to do a little zombie or turkey head-loppin'!

Tam said...

Yes, but if a properly cooked bird isn't worth takin' a whoopin' for, what is?

jimbob86 said...

I can attest to the takin' a whoopin' thing...... the first wild turkey I shot was (unbeknownst to me) only hit a single #2 pellet- in the back of the head, and it just KO'd him. At the shot, he rolled over and his feet stuck straight up in the air, twitching..... I put down the shotty, ran out and hoisted him up by one foot. At this point, the 23 lb bird came to, and IT WAS ON!

BobG said...

Wish they were wandering my streets; I'd grab a baseball bat and fill my freezer.

comatus said...

We finally went full open on tusked boar in Ohio, and I suppose you'd say the same thing. Just choke 'em like the ol' boys.

At first glance, that stalking turkey looks like he has a walking stick. Hew veddy Bostonian...

Wa-HATE a minnit, rasslin a turk down ain't the same as having it "properly cooked." Any proper hunting party for game over squirrel-weight must needs include a dedicated game cook. Moose turd pie rules apply.

Anonymous said...

Kerry and Kennedy voters eating turkeys would be too much like cannibalism. Although eating tame turkeys would be even more like it...

But wait, I'm letting my cultural prejudices show again. Wouldn't liberals keep insisting that cannibals are just as good as anyone else, right up until the stewpot gets uncomfortably warm?

markm

TD said...

A Kingston Trio reference? You don't seem the type.

Matt G said...

"A Kingston Trio reference? You don't seem the type."

Even 'lectric gun-totin' punk-rocker motorcycle gurls (who are CLEARLY laying baited traps for unwary robbers) know their 1940s social movement ditties by way of 1960s folk bands, and can tie them in with the Bostonian reference.

Jeez.

Rob said...

I think a golf club would work perfectly for these birds, even better than a baseball bat.

jimbob86 said...

Well, a plastic wiffle ball bat and a handful of corn does the trick on golf course geese......

...... I was once younger and hungrier......

Anonymous said...

It also looked like the turkey had a tiny bowler hat... and a monocle.

Fits said...

Wherever big slow stupid herbivores congregate, and Mass fits that description to a T, eventually the sharp-tooth'ed beasts begin assembling, and whats a lib town to do when the wolves come back. Then the cougars. Ducking into a coffee joint will seem like the good old days as they tell their grandkids all about way back when. And this pleases me.

Jay G said...

Laugh all you want. This is part of my grand plan...

"Every turkey dies. Not every turkey truly lives!"

doubletrouble said...

Tam,
you hafta understand the MA mentality.

Guns are bad.

Wildlife is wonderful.

All the animals love us because we don't kill them.

We are a bunch of morons...

LabRat said...

Fits: Oh, the cougars will get there first. They've been finding them further and further east every year. A kit was run down in Kentucky ten years ago, and some guy managed to get himself chomped on by one in Ontario.

They're following the deer. Guess what state has a big deer population and is hostile to hunters?

Tam said...

"A Kingston Trio reference? You don't seem the type."

I actually have all my dad's old Kingston Trio albums on shiny monophonic vinyl. The lyric seemed to fit.

Good catch. :)

RHT447 said...

Kingston Trio, indeed. I don't have my parents albums, but I remember growing up with them. If memory serves:

"Charlies wife goes down the Kendall Square station
every morning at a quarter past two...

And through the open window
she hands Charlie's sandwich
as that train goes a rumbilin' through!

comatus said...

Now we may look forward "to Morrow" and "The Tattooed Lady," all along the Colorado trail.

Do I thank the gods or curse my fate, that I survived long enough for Kingston Trio references to be obscure? Well, neither the skeeters nor the gators got me. "You got a point there, Judge."

rickn8or said...

Tam--

Since you've got the old Kingston Trio stuff, maybe you could help me locate a song (I think) was done by them.

Supposedly, it was a War-of-Northern-Aggression -era protest song about a young soldier that grows disillusioned by life in the trenches. I remember the refrain as (approximately):

"Goodbye to ye captain, the bravest in command,"
Goodbye to all the soldiers that didn't give a dam'"
Goin' back to Memphis, boys;
Leavin' here today.
Gonna trade my rifle for a jug,
And get drunk along the way."


Any help as to artist, title, lyrics, etc. would be appreciated.

Tam said...

All I know is that it's stuff like this that makes it hard not to snicker when someone talks about how tough "Southie" is.

I guess when you're comparing yourself to Cambridge...

mdmnm said...

rickn8or-
It's on their Capitol box set, title "Farewell Captain". It was written by John Stewart of the Trio. I don't know the original album it appeared on, the version in the box set is recorded live.

Steve Bodio said...

Thanks, Tam-- you gave us a real "Tamalanche".

If you think this is bad wait til you see the forthcoming one about New Yorker who move to the country and then live in dread of everything from rabbits to their neighbors...

comatus said...

"Tamalanche." Talk about things I've lived to see. It's on, then.

Relish it, sister. Wallow in it. Rub up against it like Roberta's Yeti.

Prof. Reynolds sure-nuff sweatin' bullets now.

rickn8or said...

mdmnm--

Thanks for the info.

I suppose I could have goojled it, but I think the info you get this way is much better.