Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Paul Revere and the Time Warp.

Upon seeing his signal in the belfry of Old North Church, the prototypical American hero threw his leg over his horse and galloped off to alert the Minutemen to impending danger. So intent was he on his crucial task that he failed to notice the zone of shimmering light on the road until he rode through it. The cyan shimmer faded and was replaced by strobing flashes of blue and red. His path was blocked by two cumbersome wagons marked with "Massachusetts State Police", yet no horses were in sight. Two official-looking young men with unusual lanterns and practically shaved heads signaled him to a halt. "Stand aside!" he shouted, "I must warn the militia in Lexington and Concord; the army is coming to seize their arms!" The two men glanced sidelong at each other, as if to say "We've got a live one here..." and approached Revere, unsnapping their holsters and resting their hands on their pistols.

"Excuse me sir, may I see your license, registration and proof of insurance for your, uh, conveyance, there?" asked the younger one.

"What do you mean?" Paul half-yelled, disbelievingly. "Please, good sir, I must warn the militia..."

"I'm sure you must, sir. License, please?"

"A license? To travel? Have you lost your mind?"

The officers exchanged glances again. "Step down off the horse, please, sir. We're going to do a little field sobriety test."

Following the officer's instructions, and literally shaking from the stress of the delay to his vital ride, Revere's finger missed the tip of his nose by a good three inches. Worse, as he leaned back to try again, his coat fell open and he felt a hand snatch his flintlock pistol from his belt. "Lemme guess, sir," sighed the policeman, "you ain't got a license for this, either?"

"A license for a pistol? I've never heard such utter..."

"Didn't think so," muttered the officer, cuffing Paul Revere with his partner's assistance and then shoving him into the back of the squad car after a brief struggle and much shouting about "... but Liberty depends on..." and such.

(Back in the city his accomplices, a Mr. Newman and a Capt. Pulling, were proned out by a SWAT team in the belfry of the Old North Church when Bostonians, seeing the light of their blinking lanterns, mistook them for a terrorist bomb and called 911 on their cell phones...)

17 comments:

staghounds said...

Curious to read this little story as I listen to arguments in Heller.

A city's lawyer and the Solicitor General of this child of a violent, treasonable insurgency beg the court not to limit government's power to disarm its people.

Shameful.

Carteach0 said...

As sorta quoted from a close friend of mine, and not sure where she got it from:

"Do you really think the bill of rights would get past congress today? It would never make it out of committee!"

Alan said...

I don't think the Constitution itself would make it out of committee today.

pax said...

Hey, your time warp is exactly one month ahead of schedule.

B&N said...

I simply can't get too worked up over what those nine jerks in robes think about the situation.

Honest to god. Who does?

It's not going to change a damned thing either way.

Just watch.

Nice read though.

Anonymous said...

Tam, That was beautiful. I knew you were smart, but I never knew creative, too. Good job!

TC AKA Leatherneck

Old NFO said...

Carteach0 and Alan beat me to it... We'd still be speaking King's English and drinking tea today! Excellent twist Tam.

staghounds said...

I agree about Heller. My bet has always been that they'll find that there is an individual right, and they might find this particular ban is too restrictive. But the opinion will provide that basically any gun law is valid as long as the legislature passing it makes the right noises about reasonableness.

Wouldn't it be funny if they found what is probably the most correct interpretation- that it provides an individual right only to possess the current issue private soldier's individual weapon? Still can't have a pistol in DC, but that M4...

Scalia, J. was funny though, with the glasses. And Dellinger sounded as though he himself might have a gun at home.

BobG said...

"Do not tazer me, sirrah!"

Anonymous said...

...will you marry me?

jimbob86 said...

This country could solve its energy crunch problem quite simply: Disinter the Founders and stuff magnets in their pockets, and put them back in their caskets. Wrap those caskets in copper wire, attach leads, and rebury them in the graves. Pipe in the 24 hour news.... they'd never stop spinning..... voila'! An endless supply of cheap, clean, green energy!

Earl said...

Nice story, but our government has been taking the part of the King George's troops for a while now, I read and watched "Blackhawk Down" and kept asking myself if anyone on the American side had looked at it from the Somali point of view. The Supreme Court may not look at it from my point of view either, and I have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution against...

Billy Beck said...

"It's just a jump to the left..."

Thomas said...

I was waiting for the

"It's just a jump to the left... and then a step to the riiiiiiiight"

moment too.

Weer'd Beard said...

You should also see what passes for a "Militia" in Lexington and Concord, those lilly-white bastions on Moon-Battery.

Also in case you throught you were using creative licence, you DON'T need any permit of licence to posess a black powder firearm....but you DO need at least a Mass FID for powder and balls as they count as "Ammunition Componants" and require a permit.

Also note that after showing my permit to buy a brick of .22 or a box of 230 Gr TMJ bullets for reloading, I can drive across the street and buy 20 gallons of gasoline (10% Ethanol by law!) without even seeing a living person!

Jonathan said...

You forgot the part where they zap him with the taser.

dr mac said...

Tam, that was excellent.

Thank you.