Tuesday, March 01, 2011

The Audacity of Dope.

Charlie Sheen Fact: Where you and I are 70% water, Charlie is 70% Tanqueray. The rest is cocaine.
Apparently Charlie Sheen's publicist committed seppuku yesterday. Then Charlie called NBC's Today show back and said "Wait, bring the camera back! The train's still wrecking!"
Charlie Sheen Fact: To make a "Charlie Sheen", add 1 tsp Vermouth to 1 kiddie pool of vodka.
When asked about his publicist's departure, Sheen replied with affronted puzzlement. Raising his voice to be heard over the career flameout klaxons, he suggested that perhaps "...it got so gnarly that Stan just went, ‘I'm out.’ That's fine. That's how I roll. And if it's too gnarly for people, then buh-bye. There's the freakin' door, you know?

Charlie, that wasn't a "freakin' door" he used, it was an ejection seat.
.

34 comments:

TBeck said...

If Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan had a child, which state agency would get custody?

Anonymous said...

The train already wrecked; what we're watching is the pieces coasting to a stop.

McVee said...

Hmm... considering Carlos's history Lindsay Lohan could actually be His child.
Also, can He be considered a freebase lifeform? :)

Robert said...

TBeck: I'm thinking Bureau of Prisons. Either that or the CDC. It's a close call.

Anonymous said...

And he goes on in that interview to say, okay, guys, just joking, but now it's gonna take 3 mil per episode to bring me back.

And pathetically, they just might give it to him. Because like that recent vid game you mentioned that got its greatest boost by the review saying how horrible it is (and which is now the hottest thing on the shelf down at GameStop)?

Same deal. It's all about the money; the producer is out? Pfft, get another one. There is much truth to the adage that there's no bad publicity. Well, unless your big star actually goes TU...and maybe even then.

I'm all about the capitalism, but man, it's a sick society that makes this crap possible...and profitable.

AT

perlhaqr said...

I dunno, sounds like a pretty sweet life he's got going there.

Tam said...

perlhaqr,

You know why he keeps the two chicks around, right? No, the other reason...

Did you see that "clean urinalysis" he was waving around? It also said he was pregnant...

Mark Alger said...

Clean urinalysis?! Y'mean he's claimin' to be doin' this wittering stone cold sober?

He might wanna rethink that claim. Diminished capacity, while not much of a defense, IS a defense.

M

tw: dignism (how does it KNOW?) Bears about as much relation to dignity as sexism does to sex.

JimB said...

So how long do you supose before ol' Charlie is found dead?? The way he's going I don't think it will take too long.

Bram said...

The real funny part is that Anonymous is probably right. Sheen probably will get a raise to go back to the show.

Joke's on us. Sheen was making $2 mil a week, flying private jets, and partying with porn stars. I want to train wreck like that for a few weeks at least.

I'm an F-18 bro! Winning!

Anonymous said...

If Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan had a child it would be called Damien.

Gerry

Sarah said...

Well, he's a *TV* star, and we know how we are about television shows. (Even welfare leeches have bigger, better TVs than I do because, y'know, vital to life and all.)

Pull the glass teat out of America's collective mouth - especially when it's feeding something so many like for whatever reason - and watch the coast-to-coast suffering. Well, until we find the next teat, anyway.

They'll bring back the show. It's too lucrative to kill.

aczarnowski said...

Charlie has been going downhill since Ferris Bueller. Keith Richards should keep checking his rear view, Sheen is gaining.

staghounds said...

There's only one thing he could do to kill a career this big...

jimbob86 said...

"Well, he's a *TV* star, and we know how we are about television shows."

What you mean, "we", Kemosabe?

I don't watch TV.

The radio clips I've heard of this guy sound extremely arrogant..... PR guy just ejected? Planet surface looming, impact imminent?

"Planet, Schmanet! Hit the burners, Baby, we'll fly right right through! I'm a Supersonic Winner with Magic in my fingers!!!!!!" (loud thud)

Joshkie said...

Question: Why would anyone want to get involved with some one slowly killing themselves with ..... Oh, wait this question got me into trouble on the last post.

Man you guys are a butch of judgmental prigs.

LoL
Josh

Joanna said...

I think "That's how I roll" is code for "Last one out, hit the lights." Very sad.

There's always the slim chance he's pulling a performance-art stunt, a la Joaqin Phoenix, but it's very slim. On the other hand, Amy Winehouse is apparently clean and sober, so I guess there's always hope.

SpeakerTweaker said...

After reading this post - and after the subsequent laughter stopped - I re-read the title.

It looks like it could have been "The Dope of Audacity," as in "Charlie equips Dope of +4 Audacity."



tweaker

jimbob86 said...

"That's how I roll."?

Pilot Sheen maybe has aerobatic terms confused: "roll" vs. "flat spin".......

WV=winglo

Google Knows.

Tam said...

jimbob86,

"Pilot Sheen maybe has aerobatic terms confused: "roll" vs. "flat spin"......."

Let me know where to send the internet you just won. :D

Jim said...

I can see the headline: "Charlie Sheen found dead in a ditch with a head full of chemicals like some cheese-eating high school boy."

It'd be a waste, but it is his choice.

Jim

w/v: diabica. Hell yes this coffee is good.

Anonymous said...

Want his money, don't want his drugs and you guys can keep the porn 'stars'.

Why oh why would anybody want to put a bit of their (to me anyways) invaluable anatomy inside a chick like that? Gota be an ego thing.

Cheers- Rusty

jimbob86 said...

"Let me know where to send the internet you just won."

Teh Shippings? Ur payen dem?

Jeffrey Quick said...

Baghdad Bob is apparently still alive in the UAE. K'daffy will need a new job soon. Either are eminently qualified to be Sheen's new publicist.

mikee said...

All I can say is Robert Downey Junior, who before his commanding roles as Iron Man and Sherlock Holmes had a bit of a druggie sheen to his activities, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

I enjoyed Charlie Sheen in Ferris Beuhler's Day Off and Platoon and Major League, and although Two and a Half Men is a piece of crap, I hope he gets his act back together and becomes an actor again, instead of the basket case he is now.

Joe in PNG said...

Maybe he can get together with Mel Gibson on a movie project... or even better, a reality tv show about him and Mel Gibson working together on a movie project.

Joshkie said...

Mike -

Robert Downey Jr, has a wife that want put up with that crap and has told him if he starts back she will leave him in a heart beat. He has found he's reason to stop and Charley hasn't.

Josh

Anonymous said...

Charlie..who? What's the significance of this? -- Lyle

perlhaqr said...

Did you see that "clean urinalysis" he was waving around? It also said he was pregnant.

Can't say as I've got a problem with that either. I'm perfectly fine with him taking whatever substances he wants as long as he doesn't hurt anyone else while doing so.

Anonymous said...

I remember when celebrities had a little class, at least in public. Maybe it was just all hushed up (as in Rock Hudson) but when did all this become acceptable?
My guess is the mid sixties but who's responsible? Every year things got cruder. Now we're stuck with the Charlie Sheen's of the world.
I'll bet if you follow the money you'll find some smuck in an LA office right now telling his co-conspirators how great he is for producing a upcoming toilet based reality show.

DirtCrashr said...

I prefer Charlie to Obama. If he were President this would be an awesome country!

hektor said...

So what laws did he break? I don't think being an asshat is particularly news worthy or illegal.

Cond0010 said...

Here's some Deep thoughts with... Charlie Sheen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEDT_WD1xGM

Jack Handy is on vacation.

Justthisguy said...

This is one of the reasons I try to stick to weak cheap beer. You really have to work at it with that stuff to get stupid drunk, and also it's dilute enough to be fairly easy on the kidneys. Further, it's cheap.