Looks like we're back to my original plan for an affordable lion hunt:
Day three of the safari.
After a quick breakfast of Tabasco Slim Jims and Diet Mountain Dew, my native guide, Fred, has maneuvered me into an excellent position for the culmination of my trip, the confrontation with Simba.
Careful not to spook the skittish herds of preschoolers, which would alert the lion to my presence, I ease around the concession stand. The cloying stench of cotton candy fills my nostrils...