Saturday, February 04, 2012

Overheard at the Grocery Store:

I had a wonderful dream last night that some horrible plague had wiped out 90% of the people on the planet, but when I went to the grocery store today, it was obvious that my dream hadn't come true, because all those people were jamming up the checkout lines halfway down the aisles...
Butcher: "So, who do you think is going to win the game tomorrow?"

Me: "Uh, the team that gets the most baskets?"
The last time I really paid attention to a pro football game, Steve Bartkowski hit Wallis Francis on the numbers in the fourth quarter to stifle the Eagles in the Wild Card game. We were watching it on the TeeWee at my grandparents' house, and I still wasn't old enough to sit at the grownups' table...

(Incidentally, Wallis Francis attended our church when I was growing up, and so I got to hear about how God had taken the Falcons and the point spread, ad nauseum.)

24 comments:

The Jack said...

Awww nuts.

And I was planning to go grocery shopping tomorrow.

Guess I can wait another day.

Brigid said...

I'm still chuckling as to our conversation as to offering up the guest room at the Range to any footballs fans we might knew coming in. You said "your tribe is MY tribe, do we really know anyone that likes football?".

So true.

Barkley, however is having a glorious time munching on a football squeekee toy. It's not a Patriots or a Giants football. It just says "hello kitty" on it with a Sharpee

Phillip said...

I just said the quoted part out loud to my wife. Her response was: "Who wrote about you at the grocery store?"

You are not alone.

RevolverRob said...

I was discussing this with a like minded colleague the other day. Even if 99% of people on the planet were wiped out by a wonderful and glorious plague, there would still be 700,000+ people left.

Which is enough to run anyone's dream of seeing mother nature actually defeat humanity. 700,000 is enough to get the world repopulated to exorbitant levels in less than a 100 years.

Sorry nature, you will have to go for the 100% extinction, to win.

-Rob

WV: rever what a man becomes when he drifts to the edge of the universe and stares into the abyss.

Tam said...

Wow, everything is on the internets...

Keads said...

This is a tactical advantage. I'm going to a remote range tomorrow and do my grocery shopping while all of this is going on.

Football? Pffft!

Bubblehead Les. said...

Madonna as the Half-Time Act? The "Big Game" is between Boston and New York? Coverage STARTS at Noon?

Thank Crom there's an Ammo sale at Gander Mountain. Sounds like a good day to restock.

Ritchie said...

Um, is this some kind of sports thing?

Anonymous said...

I've been in the UK all week and thought I might escape pro football. Nope. My contact for the trip asked if I enjoyed "American Football" the first day.

Chris

Able said...

Damn, and I thought you colonials spoke English! It had all the verbs, adverbs, nouns, etc. but I didn't understand a bit of that.

I knew there hadn't been a plague due to the crowds of violent, foul mouthed and drunken people around in the wee small hours (and that was just my nursing colleagues, don't ask about the patients!). Saturday nights are there to remind A&E (that's ER to you Yanks) nurses how really, really bad they were in a previous lifetime (I only hope I enjoyed it because the here and now sucks!).

Still we can only pray for a plague, but knowing my luck I'll get to look after the buggers as they generously spread their bodily fluids everywhere. Can it please be a zombie plague, at least that way I can have some enjoyment out of the predicament? (and no I won't be armed with 12" vinyl). But wait until the circus leaves town as the whole zombie clown thing makes me nervous, we also seem to have a ballet company at the civic centre - what calibre is best for zombie ballerinas?

Justthisguy said...

Able, all ballerinas are zombies, so to speak. Those gals are the best combination of good shape and bad health I've ever known.

On the Stupor Bowel: Well, I have already given my opinion about that here as a Band Nerd. To put it shortly, I say nuke the damn' thing, as long as no bandsmen are injured.

Anybody who voluntarily attends a football game in the actual stadium while not wearing a band uniform, and pays money to do so, is a loony if you ask me, and deserves a good loud nuking with lotsa hot lithium deuteride

Desertrat said...

I enjoy "sorta watching at" pro football games. The dead time between plays, timeouts, half-time: Get lots of reloading of ammo done, then. Get beer; go to bathroom, etc.

What I refuse to watch is anything *about* sports--of whatever sort. I drove race cars for 20 years, and enjoy watching most all racing--but I'm damned if I'll watch the natter-chatter *about* racing.

Ed Skinner said...

Speaking of sports ignorance, I once sat next to this guy in dark glasses on an airplane. He asked my name and what I did; I told him. I asked his name. "Joe Paterno." So I asked what he did. [Silence.]

Today will be a wonderful day to go to the usually crowded stores!

BobG said...

Never could get interested in watching football. A bunch of large men bend over in a circle, then they kick a dead pig across the lawn. Big deal...

Txred said...

The loose association of millionaires who receive their recompense in our village shall handily defeat the loose association of millionaires who receive their recompense in your village.

Verily, as this occurs, there shall be feasting and a great celebration. Flagons of ale shall be drunk and the flying parts of fowl shall be consumed. The frequent travels to the outhouse from the former will remind us that glory is fleeting while the fiery sauce clinging to the latter will serve to remind us of our burning hatred for the kith and kin of our opposite enterprise.

Once our millionaires have been declared triumphant by the vertically variegated priests, it shall culminate in the festival of the ages during which the ceremonial chariot of the constabulary shall be upended and sacrificed to the relevant gods of loose bricks and fire.

The vanquished opponents shall be shamed in numerous ways, most notably when their clothing inscribed with the false prophesy of their victory is dispensed to the poorest among us so that it may be besmirched with their daily lives. Surely shame and ignominy shall follow them and their Mercedes for a period to last not less than six and not more than twelve months.

So it is reported on the ESPN, so shall it be done.

Buzz said...

Desertrat:

That's why I HATE when ESPN carries any event I want to watch.
NOBODY blathers more incessant nonsense than the ESPN talking headsnot even John Madden. I cring at the thought of ESPN scoring even more big events.

the pawnbroker said...

Growing up 90 miles away, I was a Dolphins fan back in the day; Dad had season tickets and rotated taking us boys, so I saw 3 games during the Immaculate Season.

The Evil that was/is Jimmy Johnson changed all that; the circumstances of his hiring and his tenure stripped the scales from my eyes and I saw the true nature of the "game"...even Dad turned against them.

Still, I became a different kind of fan some years later when a coke-ravaged Mercury Morris pawned (and forfeited) his SB ring to Mr. Bergeron for whom I worked, for a thousand bucks.

All that money, all that adoration, all that hype...and it all meant nothing; he was just like the hypes who huddled (heh) in the rat warrens of downtown West Palm. Old man Bergeron became my new muse and mentor; he later sold that thing for 20K.

I don't think I've watched an NFL game since where I gave a rat's ass about the outcome. I'll be taking wifey out for a drive in the country and a nice steak this evening; we should have the place all to ourselves.

tickmeister said...

Brilliant, Txred, although I prefer "loose association of tatooed thugs". My sports weekend ended when Mizzou waxed the Yellow Beaks last night. Our tall semi-pros prevailed.

Drang said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z3XvZ-lh7I

WV: throu.

cj said...

Just a hint, but wandering through my local mega-mart, I ended up with my girl in the sporting goods section chatting guns and gear with the old gentleman working there. I asked if he'd be busy, and he said the grocery section would be, but sporting goods would be empty...so one of the rare weekend days to browse without the crowds. And they had a Sig .22 there as well as some other newer goodies. Apparently the anti manager who used to run the place got himself canned, and the newer one was a little more focused on things that pulls in money...and in my heavy hunting area, that's guns.

Chas Clifton said...

Txred for the win.

Tim Ellwood said...

Some where round the year 2000, S&W did a study to see what "Gun people" liked. At the the intermediately long, boring and very expense sales meeting they had before SHOT that year they shared the info with us sales pukes, the only high point of the meeting. They found that most enthusiastic gun owners ( owned 5 or more handguns) were not followers of team sports ( NASCAR exempt) It did surprise me a little.

Desertrat said...

As SooperDooper Bowls go, this one was better than most. Few mistakes and penalties, with the final score in doubt until very, very late in the game.

There was a neat program about the Serengeti, which made the SB Halftime one of pure pleasure. :-) And read right at a hundred pages of a Drake "Hammer's Slammers" story.

So the Super Bowl is done. Maybe ESPN will bring back re-runs of arm wrestling from Petaluma, CA. Snark, snark, snark...

Jennifer said...

Had dinner with my parents so the game was on. Their TV is always on. Always. Like, when not yet married only child baby girl and boyfriend come with something very important to tell them, they turned it down...
Ahem
We talked during the game and got quiet for the commercials.