Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Today In History: Trading Up.

On this day in 1327, 14-year-old Edward of Windsor was crowned king of England, replacing his no-count dad, Edward II.

Ed the Deuce had a problem with keeping his trousers up in the presence of handsome, dashing French knights, and was eventually forced to abdicate; according to popular legend, he was eventually disposed of by means of a red-hot poker up the poop chute.

His son, Edward III, seemed interested in French knights, too, judging by his favorite hobby, which was to go over to France and kill them in job lots.


Old NFO said...

"Job lots"...LOL dammit Tam, how about a beverage warning when you sneak one in like that... :-)

Robert said...

Had a few daddy issues to work out, did he?

SGB said...

Ed III not thought of highly by Scots.

Tam said...

Considering the curb-stomping he handed them, they darn well shouldn't be.

David said...

Thanks for sending me off on an etymology hunt this morning. I pounced upon your term "no-count" with glee, thinking I could actually catch the famous Ms Tam in a mis-statement. I, not wanting to be hoist by my own petard, decided that a little research would be a good idea and found that perhaps "no-count" could be an acceptable version of "no'count" which is an accepted contraction of "no account".

So. Nevermind.

Robin said...

He was called Edward of Windsor for a time, since he was born in Windsor castle. But note that this is not the Windsor family, the English throne had not been polluted with Germans yet in the fourteenth century. He was a Plantagenet.

By the way, I still like Thomas Costain's book series chronicling the Plantagenets.

Kristopher said...

David: Eddie 2 was no stranger to getting hoisted by petards.

Anonymous said...

Biggest. Dork. Ever.

Anonymous said...

So, a hot poker up the deuce chute is a punishment for... what exactly?

From wikipedia: "The popular story that the king was assassinated by having a red-hot poker thrust into his anus has no basis in accounts recorded by Edward's contemporaries. Thomas de la Moore's account of Edward's murder was not written until after 1352 and is uncorroborated by other contemporary sources. Not until the relevant sections of the longer Brut chronicle were composed by an anti-Mortimer Lancastrian polemicist in the mid-1430s was the story widely circulated."

Meh, it's wikipedia. I've got my salt-shaker next to me for when I read that site.

I like the "poker" death better. Kinda poetic, no? Death by extra-hot lovin?


Gewehr98 said...

As teenagers, we'd always giggle about "Greek Style", but leave it to the Brits to write the very definition of "buggering" circa 1327.

Speaking of British Buggerees, will somebody over there please take care of Jamie Oliver's damned lisp?!

Anonymous said...

Don't get me start on the French perfidy when it comes to interpreting royal inheritance and feudal rights to their advantage.

There is exactly ZERO reason why the French crown should not be an appurtenance of the English crown.

OTHER than
A. The French playing fast and loose with the law ( to a degree when you study what they did, you just realize it was an utter crock of shit their claims are)
B. More the point, the local magnates didn't want them. (that at least I can get behind.)

It's actually a pity England + Franch = Western Empire which would have been powerful force and so much less warfare from 1100 to 1820 or so.

Of course we'd all be speaking French now... as part of her imperial majesty's North American possessions.

You can just see the her titles, can't you? Queen of England, of Scotland, of France, America, Duchess of Normandy,Quebec, Aquitaine, Empress of India,
Africa, & etc...

I suspect that either there'd be a German empire from the Rhine to Russian Empire's border, Baltic to Adriatic , or she'd own the Germanies too.

Goober said...

Crier: "PEOPLE OF ENGLAND! I have wonderful news on this most beautious of days! Your king - the lecherous old homo who was so busy loving French Knights that he didn't fight with them very much is dead! Your new king is committed to killing as many frenchmen as he possibly can! Isn't that wonderful? We'll be around in the next few days to collect all able bodied men and youths to force into military service go be slaughtered as fodder in Normandy! ALL HAIL KING EDWARD III!"

People of England: "Uhhh - yay, I guess? What was so bad about the old king again? Can we maybe have the one that wants to diddle other dudes back? At least he isn't going to want to conscript us all into bloody combat for no real good reason?"

Crier: "Racists! errr - I mean DISLOYAL SCUM!"