Wednesday, February 08, 2012

The clown police.

I try not to take articles regarding American events from the Daily Mail too seriously. They're usually written with a certain "Ha, ha, stupid Yanks, eh?" tone to keep the unemployed soccer yob's spirits up while he waits on queue for his dolecheque. At least he's not in California, where yahoos are all the time getting their semiautomatic handguns out of their truck cars and shooting each other over country music.

So when this article about the DHS turning back a couple of Limey tourists reared its ugly head, I figured it was more of the same: "Ha, ha, stupid Yanks! Fancy them not knowin' 'destroy' is slang for 'party raucously', eh, what?" Except no. We really are guarded by such clowns.

In a way, I wish the conspiranoiacs were right. I wish that there was some organized, coherent government plot to enslave us all and herd us through Wal-Marts converted into detention facilities while they give us RFID tags like migrating harp seals and go door-to-door and confiscate our guns, because people will always rise up against evil. If unarmed Frenchmen will take on the occupation troops and the Gestapo, imagine what a few thousand Americans would do with scope-sighted deer rifles. People will saddle up and bust caps to fight tyranny.

Instead, we're being smothered in a big, happy Barney hug of well-meaning security and protection, with laws being written by the same egotistical dorks who ran for student government and implemented by idjits who stand in front of the mirror in the mornings and repeat Colonel Jessep's speech from A Few Good Men with a song in their heart and a tear in their eye, and who in their right mind is going to get a mad on and shoot that? People will not saddle up and bust caps to fight Bozo, even if his big goofy clown shoes occasionally step on somebody's feet.

In closing, I'd like to say Illegal immigrant Outbreak Drill Strain Virus Recovery Deaths Collapse Human to animal Trojan. Hi, DHS!

(H/T to Joel at TUATK.)


Anonymous said...

"... and after that blogpost, kids, we never heard from Tam again. But there were rumors she was still alive, listening, ... and hunting....."

"But Dad, I thought you said she only shot rusty 380s."

Stuart the Viking said...

If this would have happened under Bush, it would have been on every newscast, and made to sound as if Bush himself had discovered the tweets and insisted the pair be arrested. With O in the White House, it will just get shoved under a rug and those who are truely responsible (on a much lower level than the president) probably won't even get investigated.


Desertrat said...

Once Congress removed the requirement that prerequisites for federal employment included a capability for rational thought, those rejected by Burger King found employment with TSA.

the pawnbroker said...

Clowns again...and now you're taunting them while swearing you'd never shoot them?

I'll disagree first of all that there is no Clown Plan, even if it is only that as Farmer Frank says, the jesters having assumed the monarchy, they plan to keep it by whatever means necessary.

And let me reiterate that the only *good* clown is a *dead* clown.

Figuratively of course, for you bozos out there on DHS web-watch.

Karl said...

Which Col Jessup speech are you talking about Tam??

1) "You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's going to do that? You? You Lieutenant Weinburg?" or

2) "You know Danny, I just realized something. She outranks you. Now listen up because I really mean this, there is nothing better, gentlemen, that a woman you have to salute in the morning..."

Tam, I'm already saddled up. Just waiting for your command!

Kevin said...

Jonah Goldberg was right: A "Have A Nice Day" yellow smiley face with a Hitler mustache.

Borepatch said...

Err, I think that you said "Mitt Romney" there.


Joseph said...

In closing, I'd like to say Illegal immigrant Outbreak Drill Strain Virus Recovery Deaths Collapse Human to animal Trojan. Hi, DHS!
Oh Shit! How do I erase my comments from this blog?!?

Heh, anyway, didja see the other bit of wonder that is the DHS? They apparently are now busting people who counterfit SuperBowl memorabilia. I shit you not.

How this pertains to Homeland or Security or Department for that matter is beyond me.

Leatherwing said...

I can't figure out how they connected the tweets to the person that made them, unless they saw them on his phone. Which begs the question "why were they searching his phone, and do they do that to everyone?"

Marko said...

Never mind that you can't dig up Marilyn. She's in one of those above-ground crypts, like a drawer in a filing cabinet. But hey--why pass up a perfect opportunity to put on some mirrored aviator shades and search some hapless tourist's luggage for shovels.

(As if they would carry them in luggage anyway when you can get one on location for $10 at Home Despot.)

Bubblehead Les. said...

Read an article recently where there are 20,000 people around the world who are on the "Do Not Fly" list. 500 are Americans.

Funny thing. I have not heard that there was a huge Bust by DHS where 500 Americans were arrested and charged with Terrorist Activities.

But 500 Americans can't find out that they are on the "Do Not Fly" list until they try to buy Plane Tickets.

And when they ask why they can't get on a Plane, they are told "You don't have a Need to Know. It's Classified!"

So 500 Americans have been declared Guilty until Proven Innocent.

Yet they have no way to prove their Innocence, because "It's Classified, and you Don't have a Need to Know!"

What's a Constitution?

Knitebane said...

I find it truly objectionable that in the original post and the following comments NO ONE has stepped up and asked the question that REALLY matters.

Namely, what caliber for clowns?

BGMiller said...


Whatever caliber you have.
And as much of it as you can send down range as quickly as you can while maintaining minute-of-wig accuracy.

And now for some reason I hear the voice of Moist Von Lipwig yelling, "look out! He's got a daisy!"


DirtCrashr said...

If you can't shoot karaoke singers with a .22 who the hell can you shoot? And isn't Marylin secretly buried next to Jack in Arlington?

Mr Evilwrench said...

Mimes. I though teveryone knew that.

roland said...

Newp, mimes you beat to death with an olive loaf.

Lewis said...

I don't always agree with Bubblehead Les, but damn, today is that day.

Michael said...

"Illegal immigrant Outbreak Drill Strain Virus Recovery Deaths Collapse Human to animal Trojan."

No, you need to Tweet that!

bob in houston said...

With mimes, you have to use a silencer.

Joseph said...

Alexis de Tocqueville predicted this nonsense long ago.

Evan Price said...

True Story:

Once upon a time I used to be employed by a very large clothing & apparel store chain in their huge distribution center and was entrusted with an 8000# forklift for loading and unloading trailers.

With great fanfare they introduced to their employees a "1-800-BE-A-SNITCH" line where they could anonymously report things such as other employees sneaking expensive designer jeans out in their handbags.

Anyone ever see the first season of M*A*S*H where Radar O'Reilly wasn't as innocent as he was portrayed later in the series? Hawkeye and Trapper X-ray one of his frequent, mysterious, large packages he was sending home and discover Radar was mailing himself a Jeep a couple pieces at a time.

Well, as a joke, I had been saying I was smuggling a forklift home one piece at a time (and you really don't want to see how I'm taking the forks!)

No less than three of my co-workers apparantly reported me to the anonymous snitch line and I got called in to the security office one fine day and given an intrusively bad-cop interview...despite the fact no forklifts or parts were missing, and the obvious impossibility of the act. I swear, the rent-a-cop security types have had their senses of humor surgically excised.

I was required to write and sign a written statement of what I had said, which was taken to HR and I was then terminated for suspicion of theft on the spot. At the time I was a young, dumb kid and had no idea that I shoud have told them to stuff it, but instead obediently did as told. THAT won't happen again.

Able said...

You do realise that the Daily Fail is about as 'right wing' and pro-American a newspaper as we have in the PRUK don't you? It's aimed at the tweed (with leather elbow patches) wearing set who hanker for the days of Empire.

The Guardian (Grauniad) is written for and by the middle-class-right-on-eco-feminist-healthist-socialists elites. As is the Biased Broadcasting Corporation. You really don't want to know what they think of you colonials! (they appear to be conflicted, they LOVE BO, because he hates us, yet hate all of you as the root of all evil in the world, only Al Jazeera gives you a worse press. Generally you all fall into one of: brainless cheerleader white trash, cousin-humping redneck, Gordon Gecko clones, or gun-toting warmongers. Still it works both ways, despite your papers opinions I am neither a Colonel Blimp clone, a punk, I do not wear a Bowler-hat, or am a yokel with string tied round my knees saying ekky-thump and drinking cider).

For the record the paper for "the unemployed soccer yob's" would be 'The Sun' as it only uses words of less than two syllables, has bodily parts on display and headlines soap-opera and football occurrences more than real world events.

As to the tweet fiasco, it's just SSDD. Try approaching the US to emigrate if you are a WASP and see how wanted we really are.

For the record I'd say the politics and views of the average rural English person mirrors that of fly-over country quite well.

Desertrat said...

"...the politics and views of the average rural English person mirrors that of fly-over country quite well."

Nice to know that there is at least some rational thought in the PRUK.

Able said...


'Some' is the operative word! I obviously excuse politicians, any member of the media, social workers, teachers, or any of the sundry High-Viz jacket wearing thugs employed by them. Why? well apart from the obvious try this:

The economy is failing, taxes increasing, front-line staff are being made redundant, but they can afford to..

.. go around butchering snowmen! FFS

As an aside, what is the best calibre for a wild snowman anyway?