[Douchebag's name redacted], who was carrying 15 Chick fil-A sandwiches in his bag when he was taken into custody, "has strong opinions with respect to those he believes do not treat homosexuals in a fair manner," authorities said in the complaint filed against [Douchebag], citing the suspect's parents, with whom he lives in Herndon, Virginia, outside Washington.Look, I have strong opinions about people who drive slowly in the left lane, the jerk with a full shopping cart at the "12 Items Or Less" register, and fans of American League so-called 'baseball', but you don't see me shooting them. And if my cheese did slide off my cracker and I wound up cutting loose one fine day, I wouldn't expect anybody to blame my behavior on the designated hitter rule, but rather on the fact that I had become a raving nutbar.
(And, seriously, 15 Chick fil-A sammiches? What was he going to do with those? Was the dude trying to set himself up for an insanity defense ahead of time?)