Monday, April 17, 2006

Miss Tamara's School for Wayward Yoots.

Working where I do, it's unsurprising that I sometimes find myself feeling like a schoolmarm at Miss Tam's School For Boys. Take last Thursday, for instance. The range was booming, but there was a lull on the sales floor. Dr. Strangegun had his nose in a book on old rifles that I'd brought in, boning up on Mosins and Enfields. Thing 2 was stocking out ammunition, and Thing 1 answered the phone.

"Uh-huh. Yes. Hang on, I'll ask..." He put the customer on hold, turned and said "The guy on the phone has a muzzle loader. He needs to know if we have balls."

Pause, two, three... Instant, red-faced, helpless laughter...

*gasp, wheeze* "What size balls does he..." *snicker* "...need?"

"He needs .72 caliber..." *snort* "...balls."

"We only have .454 caliber. Small balls..." *chortle* "Tell him to call Fred's. I'm sure Fred has..." *howl, gasp* "...big balls."

I dread the coming of muzzle loader season, when these guys will be confronted with requests for breech plugs, Red Hot Nipples, nipple picks, and Wonder Wads.

"Excuse me, do you have Red Hot Nipples?"

"Well, I've been told I do..."


BobG said...

I'm getting a good laugh imagining the ads that someone could come up with using Photoshop and a wicked imagination...LOL

Dr. StrangeGun said...

Hey now, I may have been the first to break a snicker, but you were chortlin' right along with the rest of us yoot's :)

phlegmfatale said...

sex-ay! *LOL*

BobG said...

I remember once being asked (sarcastically)by an anti-gunner if 'gun nuts' was a medical condition; I (with a straight face) replied "Yes, and if the condition worsens, it can develop into cannonballs". The person was not amused...

Adam said...


Atleast Thing 1 remembered to put the guy on hold before busting out laughing...*sigh*...tears of laughter always cleanse the soul.

buzz_knox said...

"Dear Forum,

I never thought I'd be writing one of those letters, but I am. I was at the gun store when someone started asking about my [insert muzzleloader accessory of your choice here] and, well, you can guess how the story ends."

Tam said...

My most embarrassing moment in the store, EVER:

Customer comes in and announces he's just bought himself a shiny new cap 'n' ball revolver, and wants to know if we have supplies for it.

In all innocence, I respond (and I quote): "I've got almost everything you need for that. I've got percussion caps. I've got Pyrodex pellets or loose powder. I've got everything you need but balls."

Tiff covered her mouth and ran around the corner. Dr. Strangegun nearly choked and turned away. The customer stayed painfully straight-faced.

I stood there, crickets chirping, until I realized what I'd said, then turned a lovely shade of maroon.


Anonymous said...

My parents have a hardware store. Early on, my mother (with no experience in that area) almost threw a guy out who came in and asked for dope. After much explanation and sputtering, she came to realize that pipe dope is used in plumbing.

And yes, someone came in one time and asked for a screw. And yes, the first time that happened, he almost got popped upside the head. Later, she learned that the proper response is to inquire as to the size and length of screw desired.

Trebor said...

My favorite is one I heard on the net. A mom was trying to get her kid one of the fast food promo toys from "Toy Story 2." This particular toy was hard to find so she would go to different drive thru's and ask for it. She didn't understand why she kept hearing laughter through the speaker until she realized she was driving up and asking the teenagers, "Do you have a Woody?" or "Can I get a Woody here?"