Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Tab Clearing...

  • As municipal budgets shrink, I would not be surprised to see downsized police departments focus on "guarding the flagpole" and more revenue-positive law enforcement (crimes involving fines and/or asset forfeiture.) In that environment, Mall Ninja-ing will be a growth industry.

  • Pursuing a nuclear bomb to threaten the world? Check. Armies of female ninjas? Check. Ahmadinejad is only a secret island volcano fortress and a white Persian cat away from being a Bond villain, and since he lives in Persia, the cat shouldn't be a problem.

  • "I'll take 'Cool Blog Titles' for $500, Alex."


Critter said...

i wanna be a mall ninja when i grow up. already got the expanding waistline started.

also, i'd pay money to see a death match between iranian girl ninjas and seal team 6.

code: getsh shosivi, name of head iranian girl ninja squad.

SGB said...

Love the second one.

Bram said...

Here in NJ, the cops are already revenue collectors. Several times I've been pulled over, accused of grievous driving crimes (speeding - guilty, failure to use indicator - not guilty). Knowing I would hire a lawyer and fight the ticket if they write one that will increase my insurance, the cop then "gives me a break" by writing one with a fine but no points. My last fine was for not wearing a seat-belt (which I took off to retrieve my registration). He knew I would just write that check and forget it.

They are very good at the collections racket in some towns.

Josh Kruschke said...

Mall Ninja..... Mall Ninja.... I take offense. We like to be referred to as Asset Protection Specialists. I even have a minnor in BabySitting.
I found this part most interesting:
"Signs that vigilantism was taking hold in the city came earlier, around Memorial Day 2009, when former federal agent Alvin Davis decided he’d had enough of the break-ins at his mother’s home on the east side. She called the police again and again, but the brazen robberies continued. Davis, then a 32-year-old Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer, snapped.

Prosecutors said he spent days chasing and harassing the teenagers who were allegedly robbing his mother, even shoving his federally issued firearm into one of their mouths. No one was killed, but by the time he was done, Davis had racked up charges of unlawful imprisonment and assault. In August 2010, he was convicted and sentenced to four years in prison."

I guess the moral of this story is he should of caught them in the act a shot them like everyone else.

Josh Kruschke said...

Would Ahmadinejad's Bond Vilian name be... Ima Gonab Anutjewb?

Leatherwing said...

If the US operated like Iran, and revoked the press credentials from those who published incorrect reports, would there be any journalists left? Some bloggers and maybe a weatherman in Kansas?

Scott said...

But Persians are messy long haired furballs. I suggest Siamese Terror Squads. They can shred flesh to the max. I have the scars to prove it.

Anonymous said...

I think we can kill two birds with one stone.

Pay the Greeks to fight a proxy war with Iran.

Greeks make some cash and Iran gets a good old grudge match it people can get behind.

I'm willing to let the Macedonians play too!


Cybrludite said...

I'm sure the Israelis can convert his current base into a volcano for him...

Anonymous said...

“Guarding the flagpole” is definitely becoming more prevalent. John Derbyshire at National Review Online back in August, 2010.
“Coincidentally, the July 24 issue of The Economist ran an article on the ferocious enforcement of pettifogging laws. We read about the hapless George Norris, 65 years old and a collector of orchids. Because the paperwork was not correct on some orchids he’d imported from South America, Mr. Norris was in technical violation of the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species, to which the U.S. is a signatory. Mr. Norris’s home was stormed by a SWAT team, he spent 17 months in prison, and his life and health have been ruined…………..This is emblematic of a broader problem. In spheres where the government should be busy in action – guarding the nation’s borders, for example – anarchy reigns. In trivial matters that, in a sane order, would not concern the government at all, they practice a savage tyranny…………The main driving force here is sloth. Throwing 65-year-old orchid fanciers in jail is nothing like as much hard work as tracking down terrorists or people smugglers. Anarcho-tyranny is just EFTA at work: the Easier For Them Association.”
As for freelance mall ninja-ing, he said this in the same article.
“Why you should make friends with guns:     Apart from the fact that guns are fun, you should give some thought to the direction the U.S.A. is headed.
As municipalities sink under the weight of pension and benefit liabilities for their employees, with stagnant or falling revenues, law enforcement will be one of the things to go. In some places this has already happened. East St. Louis announced at the end of July that it is to lay off 19 of its 62 police officers. Back in June the city of Maywood, Calif., went further, laying off all its employees. Sure, these are poor cities (statistics here and here), but the rot will climb up the pilings, you may be sure.

When it does, Joe Citizen, you’ll be on your own law-enforcement-wise. Get yourself some guns. Learn how to use and maintain them. Teach your family members how to use them.”

Can I get an Amen?

fast richard said...

I'm getting almost as tired of "mall ninja" as I am of "execution-style". The phrase is starting to be applied to any defensive gun use by someone other than the "only ones" who have attended big name firearms training academies. It is also getting harder and harder to draw a line between reasonable attention to self defense and obsession. I am getting less likely to disparage anyones attempts at stopping the decline of society, even when I think they don't know what they are doing.

Bubblehead Les. said...

RE Iran: Funny how the Persians threw out a whole News Bureau because they got the Story "Wrong." In Civilized Cultures, you'd have a Press Spokesperson demanding a Retraction at Worst. So perhaps there might be some Truth to the Story? Remember Khaddaffi's "Amazon Legion?"

Oh, as to the Secret Island Fortress. Just Google Map the Iranian Coast Line and pick one. It'll probably fit.

Tam said...

fast richard,

While you are of course welcome to be tired of whatever you want to be, I will point out that here I am using the term "mall ninja" in its original context: Rent-a-cops with a lot of black nylon and a head full of SWAT/paramilitary dreams.

I realize that the term has somehow mutated among most gunbloggers to mean "Person I Don't Agree With", but I remember the original Gecko45 thread, "Am I Being Careful Enough?" I posted in the original Gecko45 thread. I worked with Gecko45.

You weren't there, man! You weren't there! (Sorry, I was having somebody else's Vietnam flashbacks for a minute, there... ;) )

Tam said...

Oh, and:

"The phrase is starting to be applied to any defensive gun use by someone other than the "only ones" who have attended big name firearms training academies."

I totally haven't seen that. Where?

fast richard said...

Don't mind me. I've been turning into a grumpy old fart lately.

I saw several references to that Zimmerman guy as a mall ninja, with no more factual basis than any of the other speculation in that case.

Anonymous said...

This photo was on the fornt page of the Wall Street Journal this morning:


Three heavily armed officers in combat fatigues walking past the covered bodies of murder victims. That perfectly encapsulates law enforcement in 21st century America.


Will said...


Back in '05, it was reported that the towns of NJ get approx 80% of their revenue from their share of teh State Police tickets written in their area. (No idea how much additional income comes from local cops) This came out as they were explaining why the towns were going broke.

This news came out toward the end of the SP refusal to stop motorists due to charges of "profiling". I was there. It was neat not having to be scanning for cops on the highways, and just drive.
BTW, as is typical, it was also reported that the accident and fatality rates dropped during this time. Rates immediately returned to "normal" as soon as the SP went back to stopping people.

Bram said...

In many of the smaller towns in NJ, there are no local police. We pay the State Police to patrol the town, and apparently encourage them to pay for themselves.

Sigivald said...

Ghadaffi had a female guard that might as well have been ninjas.

Didn't help him, in the end.

But man, did it ever look cool.

Ken said...

Somewhere north of 75% of the municipal budget of Linndale, OH comes from the mayor's court, which means from the speed trap on I-71 that cuts through a corner of the town.

Doug said...

I like the fact that Iran objected to the women were said to be training as "ninja assassins" but accepted them as training to be "ninja". Because ninja, after all, are just friendly acrobats.

Anonymous said...

"female ninjas"

Ah yes and he's already been infiltrating them into the country, I have at least eight in my local area (including one who works in the hospital with me [er, what calibre for a Ninja-Nurse?],there's also a rather large 'oriental' gentleman with a penchant for bowler-hats too?!?).

Damn, the DB9 is in for service, my Tux is at the dry-cleaners and I'm fresh out of witty one-liners - what do you expect me to do?