Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Why did nobody tell me?

Via LawDog, I find out that yesterday was "Meatout 2006", a day for the more shrill-voiced of the tofuista set to sanctimoniously proclaim the virtues of a diet that mostly seems to cause whey-faced complexions and an inordinate fondness for black turtlenecks. Not being properly forewarned, I was unable to do anything to uphold the honor of my team beyond the bacon cheeseburger I had for lunch, unlike Phlegmfatale, who managed to celebrate the day with a trip to a Brazilian-style steakhouse.

I admit it: I am not just carnivorous, I am almost belligerently so. When a friend took me to the old Eat Your Vegetables restaurant at Little Five Points in Atlanta, I (after making the gaffe of asking to be seated in the smoking section) appalled her by asking why there were no meat items on the menu. After all, most nicer steakhouses have vegetarian entrees to accommodate the herbivorous, so shouldn't the grass-eaters reciprocate on their turf, since they're all about the tolerance and everything? In revenge, I took her to a place not known for overly aging or marinating its beef, so that my big ol' rare filet bled all over my plate like a Wes Craven flick, causing her to be visibly distressed and me to snicker on the inside. On another occasion, I was out shopping with the same friend and found that a cajun joint that had opened at the Perimeter Mall food court served crawfish. Delighted, I wandered back over to the table with a big basket of them, and made her squirm by holding two-way conversations with the yummy little mudbugs as I ate them. (I had to provide their end of the chatter, of course, in a Mister Bill-esque voice.) When she pointed out the squeamish teenyboppers at the next table, I couldn't resist making the little crustacean in my hand wave its claw at them before sucking its brains out. They left. Quelle dommage.

Remember, kids: Meat is murder.

And murder tastes good. :)

18 comments:

Dr. StrangeGun said...

Hrmm, well... I screwed up a bit there then, I wasn't about to leave the house once I got home and the only meat I got was the sausage in my mcmuffin on the way to work and the clams in the canned sauce for dinner...

I make up for it some weekends though, when I go snag a pack of beef from the grocer, slap it on the e-grill until it's nice and seared (and just warm inside) and eat the entire thing, usually with no sides :)

shooter said...

Hey, if a vegetarian bites his lip, does he feel guilty?

BobG said...

Veggies and salad are good for small side items; they are merely to fill in the cracks after consuming protein. Personally, I prefer my beef (and bison) steaks to be heated up and then thrown bleeding onto the plate. Anyone who would cook a steak well-done should be forced to eat a whole tofu salad, without salt

Anonymous said...

Off topic and I am sorry.

Tam, could you or someone at CCA point me in the right direction if I wanted to obtain a threaded barrel for my USP?

-Drake

Anonymous said...

A tip on eating crawfish: Instead of sucking on the head, if you seperate it into two pieces, there is an orange goop at the base of the interior. Your thumb ought to be able to get most of it, and that way you get more than just the juice.

Steve Bodio said...

Didn't know-- but we just finished "Meat Weekend" here in the NM boonies. My wife Libby and I cooked for a two day end- of- the season party for a bunch of ranchers and other crazed characters (friends) who chase coyotes in full Brit fox- hunting regalia.

Among other things we cooked feijoada-- black beans cooked with pounds of beef, fatback, and pigs' feet; two full- sized briskets cooked with garlic and chile until they could be shredded for burritos; eight chickens ditto; and who knows how many sausages. Good deserts too. Our friends loved it but it was a vegan's version of hell-- fifty mounted hunters, fifty hounds, and lots of MEAT!

Jeez, maybe I should blog this too-- but after dinner (locally raised lamb chops).

phlegmfatale said...

Have I told you lately that I love you? The Wes Craven-bloodied plate was classic. Hilarious post.
Meatout???! Seriously? THAT must have been why I had the mad hankering for meat.

OH, and I've posted a link to a .wav of Reverend Horton Heat's Texas classic "Eat Steak"

Viva carnivores!

DirtCrashr said...

The hypocrisy of vegetarians astounds me endlessly. We bend over backwards to accomodate their fibrous and pithy dietary self-indulgences at our fine dining establishments, and then for them NOT to not even have a meat section on their ridiculous menue of whole-grain dirt clods. What pathetic little weasle-wannabees.

Chris Wage said...

If saag paneer qualifies as "whole-grain dirt clods", sign me up for the all-you-can-eat mud buffet. If you're going to eat vegetarian, it's not worth doing unless you take a few cues from people that do it right.

hw4892 said...

We had left-over chicken last night, but made up for it today (Tuesday) with beef tacos at lunch and buffalo stew for dinner.
A niece is a vegan, and her Dad is always serving up grilled fish and rare steak - which we eat with great glee (found in the diary aisle), while she's eating a variety of greenstuff from the lawn.

Zendo Deb said...

Well crawfish are just icky...

Zendo Deb said...

But then I didn't spend millions of years getting to the top of the food chain to be a herbivore.

BobG said...

I like crawdads, myself; all they are is a type of freshwater lobster.

infidelharlot said...

"The only food worth eating is something that gave up its life for you..."

Refugee said...

There's a story about Larry Niven, the science fiction writer whose classic novel Ringworldinvolved an ambassador from a belligerent alien race named "Speaker-to-Animals".

At an SF convention dinner, he tortured his lobster for military intelligence: "So, Captain Xlim, you will now tell us when your fleet will arrive in our solar system!"

He was dubbed "Speaker-to-Seafood".

Anonymous said...

You rock! I was just turned on to your blog by smallestminority. Next time you are with a veggie bud, ask him/her if he/she feels at all guilty about taking food out of the mouths of the creatures he/she's trying so desperately to save!!! How about - does a carrot "scream" when you put it in boiling water? LOL! Sorry about anonymous, but I don't have a blog, just read "em. Jeff McKillip, upstate NY, where we have hills, trees, lakes. Get the picture?

og said...

Vegetarian: it's what's for dinner.

al said...

Great post. Came here via thesmallestminority. Reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw in Colorado:

Vegetarian - Indian for lousy hunter.