Monday, December 17, 2007

I don't get it. Any of it.

Via Phlegmmy comes the ballad of the Briton who's been busted for boinking a bike.

Now, okay, that is a little freaky, but then you get to this part:
Mr Stewart was caught in the act with his bicycle by cleaners in his bedroom at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr.
In his bedroom? Assuming that it was an adult, consenting bicycle, what was the crime?

I mean, sure, humping your Schwinn is kinda gross, but gross is what your bedroom is for. Well, and your bathroom. And the dining room table. And, well, pretty much anyplace else in your house as long as the doors are locked and the blinds drawn because, hey, that's pretty much what we mean when we yell "Jeeze! Get a room, y'all!" So now this cat is going to be on the government's official Freaky Perv list for minding his own (well, and his bicycle's) business behind closed doors? Unbelievable...

12 comments:

Mike W. said...

No surprise really. There's no such thing as privacy in the UK anymore.

Les Jones said...

I'm having a hard time finding a victim in all this. Was the bike someone else's?

CGHill said...

Perhaps they saw the training wheels?

treefroggy said...

Schwinn = schwing ??

Gregg said...

So, blow up dolls, pocket pussies and fleshlights are still ok right? .. RIGHT???

j/k though seriously, if you are criminally perverted, a sex offender, for sliipin the schlong to this inanimate object, where does it stop? (No, I have NO idea how this guy was fornicating with the object in question, unless it was teh pitcher and he the catcher.) Are women going to be persecuted under this type of legislation? Will people need special liscensing just to buy carrots and cucumbers??

comatus said...

Go briefly and quietly to Phlegmfatale, read what Lin said, and spend the rest of the day contemplating what a privilege it is to be in the presence of genius. Oh, and take that hat off while you do it.

Anonymous said...

I assumed he sat on the bike without a seat. And without pants or underwear.

kbarrett said...

Ermmm ... it could be worse ... like getting humped by your schwinn ....

"Put that seat back on!"

Roberta X said...

...One thing for sure, once he an' his get organized, at least their velosexual pride parades will move swiftly...

phlegmfatale said...

Too true, comatus - I've been chuckling about 24 hours over what Lin said. Brilliant. She's smarter than the average bear.

But as I said in my post, considering there were no victims and he was in the privacy of his room, he should be left to his own device(s).

uturn said...

So was it a baseball card in the spokes kind of thing?

Matt G said...

I've been wondering about that one since I first heard about it a few weeks ago, and I thought the same thing-- who the hell CARES what a guy does with his bicycle?

I doubt that it would be the first time that satisfaction was found in the vicinity of a banana seat, and I really don't think it concerns us.