Friday, July 23, 2010

The apocalypse is upon me.

Like Nastia Liukin approaching the parallel bars or Lindsay Lohan seeing her first big fluffy line of coke, the moment for which I have prepared all my adult life is finally here:

There's a face-eating monkey loose in Indiana.

This is why we own guns, people.

Well, this and killer space robots. And zombies. And ninjas and pirates, of course. Also, vampires, werewolves, evil clowns, and bears.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

Based on recent cold-war events, I would think ghosts would be well up on that list.

AT

Rustmeister said...

And Barney

Anonymous said...

I meant spooks, dammit.

AT

(note to self: have second cup of coffee to burn through the cobwebs before attempting lame humor.)

Themadlemming said...

...and unstoppable cyborgs

Lissa said...

Whatever you do, DON'T make a sound like a banana!

Jay G said...

Tam just gave me a wonderful idea for the Bloggershoot sacrifice...

Anyone got an old Curious George we can bayonet?

staghounds said...

No face was eaten. And the monkey never left the house.

Who are you, Breitbart? The New York Times?

Tam said...

staghounds,

I'll not let him lull me into complacency that easily. He's just resting before the inevitable face-eating begins.

Tomcatshanger said...

but.. but.. you forgot the lions and tigers!

I can't believe you left out the lions and tigers. not to mention scarecrows.


w.v. prositin, a fine name for our elected officals.

Matt said...

I knew the Apocalypse was upon us when I heard a year ago that they were making a live action smurf movie ... a SMURF movie ! I weep for the future.

Thank God i had a mother that read a lot when i was a kid. And I'm not talking romance novels either. Asimov, Heinlein, Clark, etc. The one bad thing is that I'm a bit OCD about my books. Mom had a bad habit of breaking the spines of paperbacks. While reading a particularly good short story anthology, I came to page 39 which was immediately followed by page 68. !!!???. The glue had let go and those pages had been lost at some point.

Ever since then I have very strict rules about loaning my books and heaven help the heathen that returns one in less than pristine condition. I need help lol.

Matt said...

Damn, posted to the wrong place. Need more caffeine.

Anonymous said...

"Indiana is one of 15 states that don't require permits for primates"

I demand monkey control now . . . for the children.

Was the monkey wearing pants?

Shootin' Buddy

Anonymous said...

Shooting Buddy,

In the pictures the monkey is going commando. If they attempted to make him wear diapers, his outburst would be totaly justified.

Gerry

Aaron said...

I find your taxonomy to be completely ridiculous.

Everyone knows bears are just a myth.

randy said...

You say "evil clowns" as if there was another kind

og said...

Monkeys don't eat faces, mo....

nevermind.

og said...

"In the pictures the monkey is going commando. "

Ooh. A freeballing monkey. Those are the worst kind.

http://www.namibian.org/travel/wildlife/pictures/vervet-monkey/fullsize/Vervet_Monkey_fs.jpg

Dixie said...

And murderous hobos.

Also, possessed cheerleaders.

GuardDuck said...

Flocks of...heh...ravenous ravens

GuardDuck said...

Oops, that would properly be referred to as a unkindness of ravenous ravens.

reflectoscope said...

So, what gun for 30# monkey?

Jim

Kristopher said...

The crazy is following you, Tam.

Crucis said...

Followed the link...

That is one evil-looking monkey!

Windy Wilson said...

Caliber for a 30 lb monkey? Well, I was thinking something along the lines of probably .357 Magnum or .38 +P+ ought to do, too, or .44 magnum, or .45 ACP. Thinking further, that's about the size of a small to medium sized dog, one about poodle-sized, so any caliber suitable for poodle-shooting ought to do.
So, yep, use your poodle-shooter.

Firehand said...

Well, the little bastard will be moving, so I'd say 12 or 20 gauge. Probably #4 buck.

D.W. Drang said...

you forgot the lions and tigers!
Forgot 'em before I even left Motown...

Steve Skubinna said...

The worst are the damn clowns. Why is it that every small child is scared of them, yet stupid adults pretend they're funny?

Kids know. What happens to them after they grow up to ignore the evil that are clowns? How does Big Clown get to them?

Ed Foster said...

I'm with Firehand on the #4 buck. Lovely stuff inside 20 yards.

I feel so bad for you Indiana types. Here in Connecticut we not only have real face eating chimps, but escaped murderers skulking just 6 doors up the street with blood dripping 14 inch knives in hand, captured by 76 year old vets with model 39 S&W's.

But the shade tobacco people sent all the Jamaican field hands away and replaced them with docile little Mexican Indians, so no more machete fights on the weekends.

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.

Weetabix said...

Nastia doesn't do parallel bars. She does uneven bars. But she may eat faces...

ASM826 said...

Evil Clowns. So clearly the reason for the 2nd Amendment that I am continually surprised that it is not mentioned in the Federalist papers.

When I saw that clown in Zombieland, or Pennywise in IT, I understood the need for private ownership of tanks.

RM1(SS) (ret) said...

You haven't mentioned velociraptors. Or worse yet, zombie velociraptors.