Saturday, July 24, 2010

Can't sleep; clowns will eat me.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse are apparently on a rampage in the heartland.

Face-eating monkeys in Indiana. Evil clowns in Wisconsin. Can the killer space robots be far behind?

What shotgun for evil clowns?


(H/T to FatWhiteMan.)

30 comments:

Hypnagogue said...

Rule 5: Always be sure your target actually exists, and isn't just a product of your chemically altered consciousness.

Rule 6: When it doubt, stop shooting at the terrified family members fleeing your insane rampage.

og said...

Mossy 500. That way if you gotta toss it and split, not a huge loss

D.W. Drang said...

Money quote: "He was not in touch with reality."

Historically, of course, Wisconsin has been the some of some of your most insidious evil clowns.

Plus, always remember to double tap. Especially with evil zombie clowns.

Tam said...

D.W. Drang,

It was not just the money quote, it was easily the most elegantly laconic understatement I've seen in months.

reflectoscope said...

I roffled at that, too.

Jim

Weer'd Beard said...

Mossy 590 with M7 Bayo fixed. Best darn shotgun for just about any aplication. Maybe not goose hunting....

Fred said...

Well, we have been known to eat people around here...

RevolverRob said...

Browning Auto-5 in 20" barrel, extended tube, riot formation. 9-shots of 2 3/4" 12-gauge. Perfect for evil clowns.

-Rob

Desertrat said...

An Austin, Texas, city councilman preferred his trusty thutty-thutty to a shotgun. Excessive nose-candy had transmogrified his garden hose into a rattlesnake.

KA9VSZ said...

When I read "evil clowns in Wisconsin" I immediately thought of nearby Baraboo, WI which is home to the Circus World museum. Those darn northern WI folks have all the fun; we just have the UW with an old nuclear reactor. Hmm, radioactive clowns...

Stranger said...

A 10 gauge loaded with 00 did for the only evil clown I ever knew personally. As I recall the gun was a Belknap hardware single barrel exposed hammer death trap.

A load of buck at contact range tends to be final. I suspect it would take care of the face nipping monk as well.

Stranger

taylor said...

You need one of those shotguns from the movies where they rack it 4-5 times to sound menacing before ever firing a shot.

Show those clowns you aint afraid of them!

epochelyptikal said...

"No one was injured in the incident. " - Hat's off to the PD for stepping up and ending this without bloodshed.

I'll keep my 870 with 00 handy just in case they decide to cross the river!

Epoch

Mattexian said...

Og, a Maverick 88 will save you about a C-note, since it's their economy model(read: non-union factory in Texas). Less crying.

WV: cropho- those corporate farmers getting paid to NOT grow food, so as to drive up the market price!

Bubblehead Les. said...

I say use whatever 12 gauge you feel comfortable with, but make sure you have some slug loads ready to punch into the little car that they will be driving.

Ancient Woodsman said...

For clowns? One of those old bolt-action Mossbergs with a 34" barrel and a Poly-Choke. Paint the whole thing pink, with purple daisies.

Clowns in Wisconsin? I didn't think Al Franken could find his way out of Minnesota.

Anonymous said...

Rem 870 w/ mag tube extension in case a bunch of clown-operators all come piling out of their little tactical-assault car.

I'll stick with 8 shot. I want to see the clowns suffer.

Billll said...

3 days a week, Tue thru Thursday, a small armored SUV pulls up in front of the capitol building, and 535 evil clowns spill out and run up the steps, and where are all you shotgun men who are supposed to be defending us?

The killer space robots are here:
http://tinyurl.com/27kx2e5

skidmark said...

"Pellets probably hit their windshield," Hillstead said."

Those police spokespersons are getting to be more willing to go out on a limb and say something might be so than ever before. And this wasn't even a statement that "allegedly pellets probably hit their windshield" either!

stay safe.

wv = cargo. not if pellets really, truely hit the windshield.

mikee said...

Shotguns for clowns? I thought one was required to use a ginormous two-hand cannon-like revolver that has the flag pop out saying "BANG!" for clowns.

Here in Texas, we are all about "fair chase" and "sporting chance" but of course, some here have been known to compost stray coyotes with a laser-sighted .380 rather while jogging while others have staked out a shooting range from the bell tower on a college campus, so really anything goes.

TW: sarfel. As in the southern pronunciation of sorrowful, which is what a clown gets when shot with a shotgun.

DaddyBear said...

Take off and nuke 'em from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Failing that, I suggest using fire in some form to make sure they don't regenerate.

theirritablearchitect said...

Well, if it's evil clowns, I'd expect that they'd be coming at you in a VW, and there'd be 16 of them packed in there, 'cuz that's how they do that sort of thing.

Soooooo, I'd take something that could be handled, by me, in such a way as to be utterly effective (I'm no Tom Knapp) and easy/quick to reload.

That narrows it down to a SPAS or, and don't dare laugh at this one, an Saiga-12.

Gewehr98 said...

Long-time Baraboo resident here. Those aren't evil clowns, just disgruntled from having Madison so darned close to the southeast. I'd be more scared that some other Wisconsinites would dig my corpse up to have their necrophiliac ways with it... (Google the news!)

USGI Remington 870Mk1, OO buck, bayonet affixed.

trainer said...

I'm not sure a shotgun would work.

I think something involving a pie, probably.

Joseph said...

No, no...evil clowns travel in groups, you need a punt gun to take them down.

I like the idea of a pie, gun though...kind of like those toy guns that shoot those colored disks, maybe? You would get the splatter effect, with the right pie ingredients...

Vinosaur said...

Rem 870 for me. With WI just 13 miles to the north, one can't be too careful about the clowns escaping and coming to attack us. Bad enough with all the clowns to the east in Chi-Town that may migrate our way if something bad happens.

Hilarious story. Made me laugh. thanks

Ex-Baraboobian said...

How about a compromise? 2-3/4" shells loaded with custard and a graham cracker wad. Give them pie in the face at 40 yards. Good luck patterning the loads, though.

If nothing else it will be noisy enough that you won't have to hear all their little bells and horns.

Will Brown said...

One presumes our transient Arizonan sauted the wrong breed of mushroom for breakfast trimmings. Given your more recent penchant for abstract dining of late Young Lady, perhaps more emphasis should go into the source of the repast then the target profile that emerges after? :)

Anonymous said...

See if you can find the old arcade game called Carnevil for practice.

mc said...

Aw crap,

I thought this could happen...been sleepless and don't have my crap in order, now I'm clown food.

Rats almighty...It's my own fault.