Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Longest Day

1) Here we are at Reagan National, spending a two-hour layover in the midst of the seething mob of aberrant humanity that is Concourse B, while our luggage exists only as a cloud of probabilities, which will not collapse into one state or another until I actually lay eyes on the baggage carousel in Manchester.

2) I will note that the multi-terabyte Flash-heavy entry portals for these airport Wi-Fi networks were not designed with a netbook with rather less proccessing power than a Suunto watch running Eebuntu in mind. On the upside, I didn't have to watch the ghey mandatory commercial video at IND because no Flash.

3) Remember when Washington DC was such a backwater that it was practically a hardship posting?  Now it's replacing NYC and LA as the center of the nation's fiscal gravity field. The guy the place is named after would be positively ill. Short final at Reagan is a pretty sight, though...

4) What does it say about the state of the nation that I was moderately surprised to find that some humorless functionary hadn't appended my name to the no-fly list for no better reason than my constant harping on the fact that the TSA is a worthless sack of bastards who accomplish no function other than turning millions of taxpayer dollars into annoyance and frustration?

19 comments:

LC Scotty said...

"annoyance and frustration" and humiliation. You forgot humiliation.

Anonymous said...

They will wait till your return leg.

Tam said...

LC Scotty,

I don't humiliate easily. I mean, does it bother you if a dog sees you in the altogether? ;)

Cormac said...

Quantum theory of luggage-position?
Schrödinger's checked bags?

taylor said...

Are you suggesting, Cormac, that the luggage exists both intact as Tam left it AND having been rifled through by some goon looking for lord knows what, and that it will exist in this dual state until such time as she discovers it has been mis-routed to LA?

Anonymous said...

TSA has you posted to the no-fly list as Ms. View F. T. Pourch.

Gerry

Cormac said...

Are you suggesting, Taylor, that rifled through in LA is the worst that she could expect?

Steve said...

I think it would have been about a 15 hour drive to NH. Just throwing that out there.

Firehand said...

Hell, I'm nowhere as widely read, and the two times I've flown I was kind of surprised I didn't catch any crap.

By the way, the original TSA chief clown says us having problems with being felt-up and/or robbed is 'dangerous to security'
http://dailycaller.com/2012/04/26/former-tsa-boss-resentment-of-agency-dangerous-to-security/

Nathan said...

Considering that from the time I have to get up to go to the airport to catch an early flight to DC to the time I actually walk in the door of my office in the Maryland suburbs there is somewhere in the neighborhood of nine hours in travel time, most of it sitting on my arse in the terminal or riding somewhere in ground transportation, it's almost as fast to drive.

The last time I flew out there was when they absolutely, positively needed me the very next morning, and even then I got stuck on the Metro for three hours because the downtown stations had flooded.

Flying is overrated for trips under 600 miles, and maybe more than that. Hell, I was all set to drive to Florida in June if I'd had enough vacation time to actually make the trip by road.

Nathan said...

Hey, wait, though...didn't Obama say the War on Terror was over? TSA ought to be out of a job tout de suite, right?

Goober said...

Oh, yes, Nathan. And after that, they are going to roll back the IRS and combine the FBI, DEA, BATFEIEIO, and US Marshalls service in order to save money and prevent overlapping areas of responsibility. After that, we all get a free trip to Disneyland and a purple unicorn that farts skittles and sings opera music.

Anonymous said...

"does it bother you if a dog sees you in the altogether?"

It's not the seeing part, it's the cold wet nose suddenly getting shoved somewhere warm that I dread.

Roberta X said...

Anon, have you no sense of adventure?

Roberta X said...

...I had to double-check if Reagan was in DC or VA. Yeah, Virginia. Barely.

Anonymous said...

"Remember when Washington DC was such a backwater that it was practically a hardship posting? Now it's replacing NYC and LA as the center of the nation's fiscal gravity field. The guy the place is named after would be positively ill."

Either the fiscal hog trough will be severely dried up (unlikely) or the Dollar will crash ..... either way, DC will revert to a hardship posting in a hot, muggy, poorly drained former swamp populated by plantation refugees ..... only this time 'round the plantation that has gone to ruin will have been the Welfare State.

Anonymous said...

Marko couldn't leave you a piece when they went on vacay?

Matt
St Paul

Anonymous said...

When I think of the TSA, I hearken to these words of wisdom:

"Most men are good for naught but turning good food into sh*t."

Kang said...

Holy dog sh!t, that was the funniest account of the travails of modern travel that I've read in months!