Sunday, May 27, 2012

Eureka!

I figured out the ending for my Neptune Spear movie!

When last we left the lovable misfits of SEAL Team 6, freshly whipped into shape by their new leader, call sign "POTUS" (played by Denzel Washington), they had just assaulted Bin Laden's hideout in Pakistan. The Plucky Female SEAL (played by Demi Moore) proves her courage in the firefight, and then... and then...

I was stuck.

But wait! Hollywood has taught me well! You've got to have the plot twist, right?

The real villains will turn out to be some old corrupt white guys at [the Pentagon/Langley] who [pine for the good old days of the Cold War/are under the thumb of some generic evil US petrocorp] who just used Al Qaeda as cats-paws.

When POTUS and his team discover the evidence in UBL's hideout (discovered by the Troubled Rebel SEAL, played by Charlie Sheen, whose cynicism and acting-out is thus vindicated) they fly back to DC for the final [confrontation with the corrupt senator/assault on the star chamber meeting of the cabal of crooked generals in their secluded mansion on the Potomac]!

23 comments:

ExurbanKevin said...

Add a tough but plucky female intelligence operative as a love interest to our hero, his childhood friend who's a) black and b) dies 2/3rds of of the way through the movie and toss in a throwaway line about how the eeeeevil U.S. petrocorp CEO is doing all of this to restore America as a Christian nation, and we're there!

So, do you want to train the heroes how to hit multiple targets by spraying and praying their M4's whilst ignoring the sights and how to shoot their pistols with a teacup Weaver stance, or should I?

Anonymous said...

Doesn't someone have to be gay now too?

Oh, wait that's covered by POTUS.

Shootin' Buddy

Anonymous said...

hungry, and when i will find you, you will get a big slap ;-)

gnholb said...

Hasn't this movie already been done?

Chris Byrne said...

Sadly, I think they've already done this movie several times...

... Not that originality has any place in hollywood these days.

Joel said...

I beg your pardon, you naysayers...

There has never been a movie in which the leader of Seal Team 6 was code-named POTUS. I just checked the whole internet to be sure of this. (slow day.)

Therefore the movie is original, and ... therefore it can't be made.

Sorry, Tam. I was rooting for you there for a minute.

GTS said...

The cabal has to be lead by an old ex-high government official with heart problems named Richard Haney.

Noah D said...

IF at some point an Iowa-class BB doesn't do a handbrake turn, I'm not going to see it.

Ancient Woodsman said...

To go with the timing, the owner of the evil petrocorp must also be a Mormon ex-governor of an unnamed northeastern state...

The turncoat nutcase must also be a Teaparty favorite representative from a large unnamed southern state, oddly named (for no particular reason) Dr. Don Raul.

And the right-wing white-supremacist militia that buys their guns at gunshots so that they can smuggle them to Al Quaida through the Mexican cartels will be caught in the end by the ATFE - who have in fact been tracking the guns after all - while jamming out to Ted Nugent, appearing as himself.

Ancient Woodsman said...

Gunshows. Effin self-correcting 'smart' phone.

Brian N. said...

I smell an Oscar.

Old NFO said...

LOL, you're having WAY too much fun with this one!!! :-)

Exurbankevin said...

Noah D said...
IF at some point an Iowa-class BB doesn't do a handbrake turn, I'm not going to see it.


Best I can do is opposite-lock cornering a Nimitz-class carrier.

Will that work?

Noah D said...

Exurban, since that was real, it'll do. :)

(Yeah, I saw Battleship yesterday. Gloriously stupid and fun. A complete house of cards if you think for a moment, but hey, Burkes and Missouri shooting aliens.)

DirtCrashr said...

Secluded mansion?? P'shaw!? What about the underground/underwater lair?

joesmoke said...

Tam,don't forget the gratuitous throw away lines for the T shirt concesion. Beau Coup Buck$,I'm thinking!

rickn8or said...

And OBL would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those Darn Kids!

Exurbankevin, that's pretty cool; not every day you see someone drive a supercarrier like a rental car.

Ancient Woodsman said...

Meddling kids, rickn8or. Meddling kids.

But Tam's movie with original Scooby Doo soundtrack?!? Oh my...damn fine stuff!

rickn8or said...

AW--
And THAT's what I like about The Internets!

Anonymous said...

Alright, alright, I know it's hot in Indy, Tam, so what's everybody else's excuse? O:-). Stay in the A/C, hydrate, you'll be fine. Really. (POTUS as a action hero, jeez..). JohninMd(help?)

Shrimp said...

I'm just glad she left the love scene with Putin and POTUS out.

docjim505 said...

Do you suppose Barry sees himself as Denzel, or do you reckon he thinks of himself as cast more from the Sam Jackson mould?

Personally, I'm thinking Urkel...

Marja said...

Sounds good. Except I think Demi Moore may be a bit too old nowadays. That's a Michelle Rodriquez role now. You get female and not white at the same time. She might also die. She usually seems to. A touching scene where she sacrifices herself for her team members, perhaps?