Thursday, May 31, 2012

You'll have to answer to the Coca-Cola company.

It occurs to me that Bloomberg has spent all this time harassing nickel and dime operations like gun manufacturers (the average gun maker probably doesn't have that many more employees than your local Super Wal-Mart) but now he's going after bigger fish. Much bigger. For example PepsiCo, a Fortune 50 corporation, has 195 times the annual revenues of Smith & Wesson.

Now, I know Bloomberg's no pauper himself, and not to mix up my comic book universes too much, but I'd like to see Coke and Pepsi's legal departments shout "Wonder Twin powers activate!" and then do to Bloomberg like Hulk did to Loki in that Avengers movie. 'Cause that'd be sweet.

32 comments:

Rob K said...

I wonder if the mayor of Atlanta will respond by proposing a ban on containers smaller than 32 ounces?

Bram said...

Coke and Pepsi love Bloomberg. They are replacing their sodas in schools - with their juice products - with no drop in revenue.

Now Bloomberg is going to force people to buy their sodas in smaller sizes. Those smaller sized sodas cost more for the volume.

Tam said...

Way to be a bummer, Bram.

Bram said...

Sorry Tam - have a Snapple and cheer up!

perlhaqr said...

I would laugh as hard at that as I did at the scene in the movie. Possibly harder. Bloomberg is way more evil than Loki.

Jake (formerly Riposte3) said...

Bram: The catch is that this would also effect restaurants. Fast food restaurants would sell - and therefore buy - less syrup, because the currently biggest size drinks for would be banned. People at drive-thru's won't order an extra drink to make up the difference, and the people eating in won't drink more to make it up, either. In fact, the people eating in are likely to drink less, too, as a psychological side-effect of the smaller cups.

Restaurant sales are a much larger portion of Pepsi's/Coke's/distributor's overall revenue stream than vending machines, based on the simpler and less expensive packaging alone (no need to mix it before bottling, just take the raw syrup, stick it in a plastic bag, and stick the bag in a box, and you've just packaged ~500(?) cans in one step).

Ken O said...

Mikey doesn't like it. Bloomberg is a sick, controlling fuck, with some pathological need to make decisions for others. Another good candidate for a .223 lobotomy.

Anonymous said...

Tam:

OT but can't help it after reading your piece about weird stuff at antique malls. If you and the roomie are ever out Fortville way, you might take a look-see at the pink elephant wearing glasses and drinking a martini outside the local liquor store. Said elephant is, at a guess, roughly ten feet high...

http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WMB7RN_Pink_Elephant_in_front_of_Liquor_Store_Fortville_IN

pdb said...

I just had a short, lovely daydream about a Very Large Soda Company (the one with the red white and blue colors) going Galt and announcing that they would no longer be selling product in New York state, county, or city, and withdrawing all business operations from the state (they have a large datacenter in Purchase).

This would be accompanied by a nationwide "You're not the boss of me!" ad campaign involving commercials of supermodels standing drinking a soda in front of "NO STANDING" and "NO DRINKING HERE" signs, walking their dogs in "NO PETS ALLOWED" parks white drinking sodas, tearing the federal labels off of mattresses in between soda sips and other acts of first world anarchism.

When asked about the rival Very Large Soda Company (the one with the commie Canadian colors) expanding into NYC, the CEO would shrug and say "We don't sell to fascists".

But it all vanished as I remembered that independence doesn't sell like social conformity does.

*sigh*

Brian said...

Dr. Stangeberg or: How I learned to stop worrying and love high fructose corn syrup.

Brian Miller said...

I remember that in the mid-90s when both of my parents were still smoking and all the anti-"big" tobacco stuff was in the news my mom made a comment that seems to have been pulled from headlines of today.

"They're going to go for the fat people next."

jetaz said...

pdb,

While I prefer the taste of Coke, were Pepsi to do that, and run that ad campaign, I would purchase Pepsi products exclusively.

For the rest of my life.

Sigivald said...

I don't know what their legal departments could do about it.

As far as I know - and as much as I think it's despicable - I think the Mayor Of New York City really does possess that power under the laws of the City and State of New York.

That we think he shouldn't and that this is stupid is sadly irrelevant to the legal question.

Heath J said...

Ken O nailed it.

That said, the idiots that elected Bloomberg deserve whatever happens to them.

Wolfwood said...

When one is unhappy with the Coke and Pepsi companies, one learns that Dr. Pepper, 7-UP, Sunkist, Crush, RC Cola are owned by other companies.

Robert Fowler said...

Ken O said...
Another good candidate for a .223 lobotomy.

Roger that.

Brad K. said...

I recall how the assault weapons ban actually acted to preserve the value of several gun collections.

And how Prohibition funded the careers of several colorful figures, I don't think Chicago has lived the last of the hoopla down, yet. And I still remember most of the words to "Whippoorwill", the theme song to Robert Mitchum's Thunder Road movie.

So, a 16 oz limit. I was thinking that a slightly modified 2 liter bottle of unflavored, unsweetened soda water. Modified, so that the top would screw into another container, maybe 16 ounces, say, of concentrated, sweetened soda syrup. Then you shake the two, and voilers, you gots a 2-liter bottle of soda, without violating the 16 ounce law.

Now, you know that vending machine sales will pick up when the nasty grocery store bulk sale competition gets clotheslined. But the question I pose is this: Will the union that represents the grocer workers and teamsters delivering to grocery stores fight harder to oppose the ban, or the union workers servicing the vending machines and delivering for vending machines fight harder to gut their competition?

And will liter bottles of Pepsi become part of the inventory with the corner drug czar -- and will Pepsi care, as the ban will likely boost 12-16 ounce sales, and make trafficking in larger sizes bootleg, thus more profitable in surrounding regions?

The real way to stop the ban, is to stop subsidizing so-called "recycling" of soda containers. Except glass, because recycling glass is actually cheaper than making a new bottle, unlike every other government-subsidized exploitation program.

I figure if New York cannot figure out how to recall their Bloomberg mistake, they deserve the ooze in his wake. If I had to pray for their misery, it would be that they wake up and re-orient their leaders.

Nathan said...

It's hard for me to say which which is the more awesome movie reference, Avengers or Dr. Strangelove. I'll have to give it to Strangelove by a hair. Keenan (For The) Wynn!

RWC said...

I have to share this comment:


"We hire our politicians to effect controls to protect us from the market's excesses."


Ummm, wow. So there are people out there that think like this.

Tommy said...

So, can we start calling him Governor Batguano?
:-D

Tommy said...

Crap, I meant Mayor Batguano.

the gripping hand said...

"Puny Mayor."

Anonymous said...

Bloomberg does not belong in this country. Maybe he and his ilk should get out (i.e. escape justice) while the getting is still perfectly good. -- Lyle

Ted N said...

I like Brad K.'s point about the competing unions. For some reason unions trying to tear each other apart warms my cold, dead heart.

Bob in Houston said...

I have found a solution!, I am going to call mine, "The Bloomberg" and I am going to fill it to the top with Dr Pepper with no ice every single day even if there is no way possible for me to drink it all. F.U.Bloomie!

http://tinyurl.com/fackin-bloomberg

Anonymous said...

Coke and Pepsi like most corporations, collaborate in the hopes they will be the last to hang.

Tim Ellwood said...

Look for me on the corner, I will have "assault cups" in 32 oz for sale, and "WMD" 64 oz cups for only 29.95.
I once sat at a meeting of 5 of the attorneys who were suing the gun makers, the lead douche, sorry attorney, (who had made millions off tobacco suits) made the statement that after he put the gun makers out of bizz, they would go after, fast food, cars and booze.

staghounds said...

Good thing that rape, traffic, waste and illiteracy are all fixed in the City!!

I try to imagine a figure from history who would think himself so important, his world so malleable, his subjects so pathetic as to even have this cross his mind. Lenin, Hitler, Mao, Stalin come to mind. Not even Eff Dee Arr would stoop to it.

Anonymous said...

Form of a regiment of lawyers.

Shape of unending discovery which will render the city attorneys blind.

Shootin' Buddy

Kristopher said...

From Rodge's blog:

*ahem*
One should note that they didn't say anything about large bottles of malt liquor.
Just sayin'.
# posted by DougM

There is your solution. If Bloomberg doesn't want us plebs to drink large sodas in NYC, you should just buy a 40 oz Malt and drink that in public.

Anonymous said...

... another thing to note : Energy Drinks (e.g. Monster, Rockstar, Amp) are 16oz.

Almost as though he's trying to divide the market and pick off one segment at a time. Haven't heard that tactic before. How curious /sarc

toadold said...

Mayor Buttbug may be violating Federal Interstate commerce laws since a number of the companies involved are spread over a number of states. My dream is to see him extradited to Texas and charged with mopery and an attempt to gawk on a steam boat landing on a Sunday, a hanging offense.