Monday, December 16, 2013

This country is nuts.

You couldn't make up irony like this: The same week they planted Nelson Mandela, you can go to your very own Apartheid Santa in Los Angeles!
"The Crenshaw mall now has both a black Santa and a Spanish-speaking Latino Santa"
While I doubt Rich's or Davidson's had a Latino Santa, I'll bet they had black Santas in the Jim Crow-era South, too. I guess it's a Democrat thing; they seem pretty hung up on race.

Minus ten diversity points for no bearded Lady Claus.

This country is nucking futz.

And before some dude pops up with some wharrgarbl about how the white man built Santa for the world and we should be happy for it, can I take a moment to remind everyone that...

(...send your kids away from the monitor; spoilers follow...)

...SANTA CLAUS IS WHATEVER COLOR YOUR PARENTS ARE, MORON!
.

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

I honestly don't understand this controversy at all. Is this like the first year there's ever been a black Santa or something? Have I missed some outrage? WTF? Maybe it's just time I turn off my computer for good, and go back to peacefully reading sci-fi books and ignoring the news cycle like I did back in the 80's.

jf

RAM said...

St. Nicholas was born in Lycia, not too far from the island of Rhodes, in what is now Turkey.

GreatBlueWhale said...

Heinlein's Crazy Years appear to be here.

John Venlet said...

Santa is a Rare Export from Finland. Ho, Ho, Ho!

davidwhitewolf said...

I think this is more widespread than you may realize. When I met my wife I was introduced to a 30-year tradition in her barrio where one of her brothers or uncles plays Santa for all the neighborhood kids. Although it started so the kids would not feel left out of Christmas (they get to sit on his lap, tell him their wish, take a picture and get some Christmas candy, often their only present), and was not specifically so the kids would interact with a "Latino Santa," in practice that is how it's been now. There are lots of these in the Latino community, they are just private neighborhood affairs so they are unknown to outsiders.

JohninMd.(too late?!??) said...

Is media trying to stir pot; like they "lost" the coverage of the Arapaho High shooter being an 'opinionated socialist' libtard from broken home, etc, etc....the blood-dancers never seem to miss a step, do they?

Anonymous said...

Never cared what the color was as long as the jolly old man left the swag.

The blue eyed Jesus went away by 5th year of Catholic School.

Gerry

The Raving Prophet said...

Sheesh. All this hoopla over what color Santa comes in.

Seems to me we ought to be discussing how many kids might get more out of a visit from the Krampus than jolly old St. Nick.

Anonymous said...

I was always told the people in the stores were "Santa's Helpers." It seems to me that Santa's helpers could be any color.

rickn8or said...

"...SANTA CLAUS IS WHATEVER COLOR YOUR PARENTS ARE, MORON!"

Clap! Clap! Stomp! Stomp!

Tam said...

davidwhitewolf,

Like I wrote on FaceSpace: "If there's one Santa in the store, who cares what color he is?
But when there are multiple ones you're expected to pigment match, how is that different from teaching your kids to use the right water fountain after they sit on the lap of the right Santa?"

tailwind said...

Alternatively, Santa is Odin:

http://infolocata.com/mirovia/irrefutable-proof-that-santa-is-odin/

Ken said...

I saw The Santa Clause. Santa is whatever color the guy who takes the job is.

rocinante2 said...

1. "...Santa Claus is whatever color your parents are, moron!" Hear, hear!

2. David Sedaris worked as an elf in "Santaland" at Macy's in NYC, and describes the experience in his confessional Santaland Diaries .

He describes, among other things, the hours-long queues threading through roped-off corridors to the multiple Santas at the end.

To foster the illusion that there was just one Santa, each Santa was screened off from the others, and from the people standing in line.

Sedaris was often approached by people who expressed preference for a Santa of a particular race. One of the best moments in the book is when he admits that he always directed such people to a line that led to a Santa of some other race than the one requested.

Thornharp said...

SANTA CLAUS IS WHATEVER COLOR YOUR PARENTS ARE unless he's the one lonely penguin at the North Pole. Then I guess he's just kinda blue.

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming you didn't see CNN's tempest in a teacup of the day this morning--a school teacher apologizes for "a stupid mistake" because he told a kid that Santa was white. Teacher reports himself and is disciplined; outraged father thinks he should be fired. The extra ounce of CNN absurdity is supplied by the fact that the outraged father appears to be (unless there's something not obvious in the family tree, or perhaps the mother is black) ..... a white guy.

As to the initial case you report--I suspect that the mall was simply trying to make sure Spanish speaking kids had a Santa they could communicate with, and English speaking kids have a Santa they could communicate with, and failed to find a bilingual fat guy.

Kishnevi

Anonymous said...

Came here looking for the comment about santa's evil blackface drow elf. Disappointed.

Critter said...

Santa Claus is Odin. Think about it.

Anonymous said...

I get your sensitivity about Santa being whatever color your parents are, but it's too milktoast. Santa being Odin in disguise is the opposite. Color doesn't really matter, if one looks at this a certain way.

Mike James

Steve Skubinna said...

Saint Nicholas was Greek. So...

Shit, screw it.

Windy Wilson said...

The media collects stories that it collectively keeps in its pocket until it needs some $hit stirred, as in the case of the shooter story dying because the Arapaho HS student was not an ex- John Boehner intern.

Ruth said...

My response was less politically correct....

Stop lying to your children by telling them there's a fat guy delivering presents and his race stops being an issue entirely.....

mustanger said...

When I was 8, I met Santa Claus on the sidewalk in Temple, GA. He was white. He asked what I wanted for Christmas, so I told him about that .410 SxS in the Sears Roebuck catalog. Santa gave my Mom an eye roll. I did not find that shotgun Christmas morning. Later, I figured out that red suit is not a coincidence... Santa's a commie.

mustanger said...

BTW, my parents did tell me prior to that, so I generally say that with tongue firmly in cheek. I got a 12ga SxS later.

Noah D said...

Santa? He's the swarthy guy with the long beard, in town for some conference...aaaaand he just decked some dude.

Now he's kicking him, shouting something about 'Homoousious'? Man, some people get really worked up around the holidays.

Steve Skubinna said...

Ah Ruth, a racist, huh? And why do you hate children?

Hapa Dude said...

Everyone in East Asia knows that Santa is a robot from the Moon who gives out robot presents for the kids.

submandave said...

We should use the Dutch example, where Santa is white, but has a black helper Black Peter. I'm sure that would go over great.

Anonymous said...


Standard Mischief's corollary to Godwin's law: "As an online discussion about Santa grows longer, the probability of Black Peter being brought up approaches one."

Ralph Gizzip said...

Of course Santa is white. If he was black he'd come down your chimney and take your gifts rather than leave them.

JohninMd.(too late?!??) said...

First the kool kids get underwsar bunched over Santa's ethnic heritage, THEN throw a tantrum over NORAD trackin' da Sled of Joy, skerrd of accidental shoot-downs or sumthin'........

Tam said...

"Of course Santa is white. If he was black he'd come down your chimney and take your gifts rather than leave them."

Does your wife get pissed at the eye holes you keep cutting in the bedsheets?

The Old Man said...

GreatBlueWhale seems to be correct - although I am waiting for the young ladies to disrobe at the bus stops... This nonsense cements the difference between "reality-based" and reality.

As TV Dr Sidney Friedman stated in "M.A.S.H." to the denizens of the 4077th:
"Take off your pants - and slide on the ice...."

In the present state of the US of A, Major Sidney makes WAY too much sense with his advice.

David Whitewolf said...

Well, saying it's an individual choice rather than one forced on you by government fiat may be a distinction without a difference, but it's all I got.

I was asked to play Santa once, quite the honor in the family. I declined because I was too new to the family so I still had trouble with some of the accents and street English. I would do it now if they asked.

Murphy's Law said...

Coming soon to San Francisco: Transexual Claus and her naughty elf Pelosi.

Murphy's Law said...

Does your wife get pissed at the eye holes you keep cutting in the bedsheets?

I LOL'd.

Steve Berven said...

If Santa can manage to get his fat butt down a chimney and visit a couple a billion houses in one night, then he can probably come up with a Perception Filter so that everybody seems him in the color they want.

His R&D should look into that.

Brad K. said...

Well, you know, if we needs a black santa -- does that mean we can look forward to a white Obama? *shudder*

Truly, Santa stems from a western Europe folk tradition, and racial diversity wasn't all that prevalent at the time.

Today, since we have taken to associating santa with Christmas -- at the same time taking faith and religion out of Christmas -- then santa is quite properly whatever sells the soap and toys. Santa today is whatever marketing campaign just launched.

Should there be a black, native, Puerto Rican, Indian, etc. Barbie -- or should there be other dolls added to the Barbie line, to exploit the wealth of accessories and story lines that exist? Should there be Santa Claus, Bubba Claus, Sitting Redsuit Claus, and Raj Claus?

I mean, the precedent is right there. Centuries after the time of Christ, rich, white men invented the entire Christmas season to secure their wealth and positions of power in the (white, European) church, to replace existing festivals and observances surrounding the Yule season as the hours of night quit growing, and the hours of sunlight grow longer once again. I am not surprised that rich folk reinvent Christmas trappings to keep sales -- and their positions of wealth and power -- robust.