Friday, September 09, 2005

Gear Ho': These boots are made for door-kickin'...

Last week the sole of my starboard GSG-9 boot started to come adrift towards the toe, clearly indicating that new footwear for work was in order. So I planned a slew of errands around my "day off" (I try and spend no more than three or four hours in the shop on Fridays): new boots, new jeans, and an oil change & a long-overdue detailing for the Beemer.

Despite my usual Day Off attire, which sees my Coal Creek Armory ball cap replaced by one from the BMW Lifestyles shop, and the usual black gun-related tee-shirt replaced with a tee that snarkily proclaims "Actually, yes, the world does revolve around me," the guy behind the counter at the local Military & Police supply joint recognized me as being a black-clad minion of the CCA Empire, and, bowing and scraping, gave me a good deal on a pair of boots even more tactical than my Dear Departed GSG-9's: some 5.11 ATACs. You can't get much more tactical than a boot that says "Tactical" right on the sole. They seem to offer the ankle support I prefer for motorcycling as well.

From there, I proceeded to West Town Mall, where I discovered (much to my chagrin) that The Gap had completely changed the styles and fitting descriptions of their jeans since the last time I came in for an armload. When one has been wearing the same style and cut of blue jeans for over a decade, this can result in some disorientation. As I stood, blinking in confusion, a helpful salesperson came over to me:
Salesperson: "Can I help you find something?"
Me: "You've changed my jeans."
Salesperson: "Well, not too much. Uh, what cut did you like?"
Me: "Classic, slim fit, stonewashe..." *RING*, *RING* "Hang on; gotta take this call... Yeah? It was Major Smith? He did? Okay, when he gets there, make sure you give him the military discount on the uppers, and offer him as many spare magazines as he wants. Make sure he knows he gets ten percent off the case price on ammunition, too. Uh-huh. Let 'em rent the submachinegun, then. Okay. 'Bye... Anyway, where were we? Oh, yeah: classic, slim fit, stonewashed."
Salesperson: "..." (Insert sounds of crickets chirping...)

Apparently, this was the first time our intrepid salesperson had ever heard an arms deal being brokered by cell phone in the women's jeans section of The Gap. Comparatively speaking, the last errands of the day (detailing & oil change) were completely anticlimactic.


Kazzzzzzz said...

Woah, hope the jeans do not go out of production... Haha....

Tam said...

Me too. I am nothing if not a creature of habit.

Oleg said...

Hilarious. I've been reading your blog with interest ever since a friend turned me onto it.