Monday, April 12, 2010

Pride of lions, herd of cattle, flock of seagulls, militia of Hoosiers...

Apparently I am living square in the middle of the Vast Conspiracy of Seditious Suburban White Guys, or so saith the Fort Wayne Journal Gazette:
Flatt is the senior brigade commander for the Indiana Militia Corps, a group of Hoosiers who see themselves as not only homeland security in the truest sense of the word, but also as the final backstop when everything goes wrong. Flatt claims membership statewide is in the hundreds.
It's a good thing, too, since FEMA has its big secret detention center right across the street from my favorite local gun store in Beech Grove:
"It's not really paranoia if they're actually out to get you," Flatt said. "They're drawing up plans to round up Americans using foreign troops and put them in detention facilities. This is not paranoid conspiracy theory. I've got photographs and documents."

(H/T to Sipsey Street Irregulars.)


Anonymous said...

Aw, come on!

Sure, you had to go to crazytown, but did you have to drag Indiana into it?

Shootin' Buddy

Tam said...

Might I remind you of the tears of frustration to which I was driven trying to stop all those wacky comments from Peru?

chiefjaybob said...

It must be true. He's got pictures and documents and stuff. Probably got it all off teh interw3bs.

Joanna said...

You've got photos and documents? Honey, this is the age of the internet. Everybody's got photos and documents. I've got a few that involve your mom, for instance ...

Unknown said...

What analgesic for face-palm?

Kristophr said...

Dear god ... the crazy must be awfully thick to get the III'pers to point and larf at it.

Seriously ... the government does all sorts of sad and nasty shit just as SOP. We don't need to add delusional stuff to make it scary.

Themadlemming said...

What I find scary is that some people think the goverment is competent enough to pull something like this off.
Besides, we've already established the Old Ones are behind it.

OA said...

Nothing to worry about, unless you're of the Five Civilized Tribes.

Noah D said...

Sigh. I wonder if a non-crazy militia is even possible.

TJP said...

I'd like to point out the following:

I. A military:
a) Is selective and exclusive;
b) has members compensated for their services;
c) is solely the responsibility of the federal government; funded by Congress and directed by the Executive;
d) with exception of the organizations which fall under the Navy Department, should not be assembled unless Congress intends to make a Declaration of War;
e) exists to kill people and break things, and therefore should include only those who are best at killing people and breaking things.

II. A milita:
a) Is inclusive and accountable to the public, or factioning and plotting occur;
b) is a volunteer effort;
c) is the responsibility of the states--not the FBI or Morris Dees;
d) is commanded by the Executive during insurrection and invasion;
e) may be supplied by Congress when item (d) applies;
f) is expected to manage its own arms and training;
g) will never be expected to fight wars in foreign lands, therefore negating the need for extravagant equipment, specialized vehicular transport or uniforms;
h) is not fully assembled unless there is an immediate need to defend with deadly force;
i) rests on the principle of quantity over quality; on participation instead of achievement.

III. A conspiracy club:
a) Excludes based on religion, occupation or political persuasion;
b) attempts predictions of future events in order to justify preemptive action;
c) can exist in numerous factions, whereas there can be only one militia--the next subdivision being the sovereign state of residence--and then regulars or irregulars, depending on circumstance;
d) assembles for the purposes of promoting particular philosophies or politics;
f) operates without explicit notification or cooperation of the state in which it is formed.

Tam said...

"c) is the responsibility of the states--not the FBI or Morris Dees;"

TJP wins the internets!

eeky said...

I don't know why these guys are so worried about detention centers.

It worked out pretty well for Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald.

The Jack said...

This really says something about the conspiracy set.

It's not enough that we're living under a bloated, intrusive Randian-farce government that's spending itself into oblivion.

I guess fiscal collapse, mass-inflation, national bankruptcy, or near unity tax rates aren't "sexy" enough.

No... we have to have FEMA camps and Black UN helicopters.

Noah, I'm sure a non-crazy Militia is possible. But they're not the ones that preen in front the media burbling their nuttery. Sane people don't make for good stories, and they tend not to like being in front of the camera.

Chuck Pergiel said...

I believe the correct phraseology is "just because you are paranoid does not mean they are not out to get you". I just wanted to be clear about that. You being crazy, or not, and they being out to get you, or not, are completely independent. Being paranoid is safer, but it takes a lot of energy, and all your homies will think you're crazy.

NotClauswitz said...

Puny seditionists! They will ALL cower in FEAR when flying saucers filled with Moon Nazis return to Earth!!

TBeck said...

I haven't read the URINAL GAZETTE in years, and I can see that I haven't been missing much. Does Flatt wear mirrored sunglasses and a beret? All the popular senior brigade commanders wear mirrored sunglasses and a beret.

wv: govnnism: an aneurysm caused by Congress.

Britt said...

They're not crazy, they're just ahead of the curve. If you'd told people 100 years ago that 40% of the country would honestly believe the job of government is to take care of them from cradle to grave, you'd be laughed at. Just think how fast things have moved in the last 3 years....or the last 10 years. 3 years ago the FedGov didn't control most of the financial sector. 10 years ago we could take nail clippers on airplanes.

An extreme distrust in government is much more rational then having any kind of trust in it.

Tam said...

Oh, I don't trust the .gov as far as I can throw Ted Kennedy's coffin, and that includes not trusting them to come up with, keep secret, and efficiently execute complex schemes.

The Jack said...

Now I get the image of them running Black Helicopter level "detention camps" with all the skill and competence of O-Care.

The prisons from Idiocracy and Life of Brian spring to mind.

Borepatch said...

Boy, those militias are everywhere.

Grumpyunk said...

Good picture, Borepatch!

Remember Kids-
Total Paranoia = Total Awareness!!