Sunday, July 11, 2010

Close the polls.

We have a rock-solid winner for the 2010 Waffenpossenhaft Awards. Barring a minor miracle, I don't see anything else possibly unseating the "Begane": A gun for people who don't like, want, or in any way understand guns.

That's just what we need: Somebody pointing a .38 Special pepperbox loaded with snake shot at somebody and thinking that they are holding a "non-lethal" weapon for "civilized people". Especially if they bought the black & white-trimmed "Pacific Ninja" variant.



I'm not sure I've ever seen so much lose and fail packed into such a small container.

I'm pretty sure that, even if this thing were to hit the market, the BATFEIEIO would rule it an Any Other Weapon, so it would take a pretty determined fool to get themselves into hot water with it. Then again, there's no fool like a determined one...

33 comments:

ToddG said...

From the Features section:
"Can be fired forward or backwards with the same rate of precision"

Awesome.

JD said...

ya, my thoughts too - teach the fools to shoot backwards. . . nope, no safety issue there folks. This thing looks like it is about as accruate as a potato gun. Safest place is probably right in front. . . Good luck to the fool trying to defend himself with it. Love the bayonet too. . . like that will work. . .

Firehand said...

Absolutely friggin' amazing

Ed Foster said...

And the dork(ette) carrying it will feel safe, going places he/she wouldn't have before, with no trace of situational awareness.

Miguel said...

Hard to take serious a weapon that comes in "Pacific Ninja" pattern.

Rabbit said...

Someone stayed up late working to invent that much suck and fail.

I doubt that the civilized users of that device would fare well against the unwashed with an AK. They'd feel very superior at their embalming, however.

Scooter said...

Is it just me or does it look like a lightsaber for metrosexuals? You probably wouldn't even have to use it on a criminal as you could simply run away as they were laughing their butts off at you for pulling it out in the first place.

Fail, indeed.

Dave R. said...

So it's a "non-lethal" firearm. I'm not sure about that. But if they have somehow gotten achieved it, it would almost have to be easier to fight through getting "shot" with that than it would be to fight through getting tased.

Standard Mischief said...

We I for one am a fan of anything that uses a scrolling "Star Wars" marquee effect.

That's the part that awakened my inner fanboy

Sarah said...

Well, I do sometimes look at my carry gun and say, "You know, I don't feel like a big tool today...I think that some sort of stripey-colored, umbrella-looking stick hanging off my belt would fix that."

Dixie said...

This monstrosity reminds me of two things-- the old veloco-dog revolvers and Han's quote from the first Star Wars.

Desertrat said...

That reminds me of a flick I saw, years back. What was the name? Maybe, "Doofus Is As Doofus Does"? Something like that...

Stretch said...

"rotating handle of percussion"?
OMFGIH!!! I haven't seen this this much fail since ... um ... ever.
They will sell tons east of Suez and south of the Rio Grande. And I won't be a bit surprised if the PDs of NYC, LA and Chicago are forced by their mayors to carry these things. May St. Michael preserve them.

Bob said...

I can think of a couple of downsides to this thing:

1. Used against certain individuals, it's guaranteed to really piss them off;

2. Once that pissed-off individual takes it away from you, it's really going to hurt when he shoves it up to the tsuba up your ass.

Anonymous said...

Wow so inovative. Such closed minds shame on you all. everyone should buy three or four of these and take them to the range. Or for that matter just shoot around the house it is non leathal. Practice a few tactical rolls. Get a feel for the application, its got a bayonett just like a glock for the love of God. I can't wait for a carbine and rifle variant. This could turn the self defence world on its head. WOW, WOW .........

Anonymous said...

Oops I take all that back. No way to dual weild.

T.Stahl said...

I was quite surprised by the bajonet thing. "To be used in the critical moment of reloading."

Yeah, probably made of rubber, to make it non-lethal, or what?

og said...

"No way to dual weild"

BS. Make the "barrel" clip to the belt and stay non rotating, Then use a bowlfeed to introduce new ammo. And an electric motor to fire.


Wait, di i just invent the gatling gun again?

I hate it when that happens.

Chris M said...

Did you see the address of the company which manufactures this "weapon?"

Rua das Cerejeiras lot 47/48
Amora Seixal 2840-247 Portugal

Now you just know that anything made in Amora Seixal just has to be good.

http://begane.en.ec21.com/

Moriarty said...

And when not in use as a civilized, nonlethal home defense weapon it can be mounted in an optional, stylish stand to make a handy paper towel dispenser for the kitchen or bath...

Justthisguy said...

I thought that the purpose of keeping a weapon was to get you out of trouble. That thing seems designed to get you into trouble.

Justthisguy said...

P.s. Can you load actual .38 Special cartridges holding solid lead bullets into the thing?

Somebody should create an article about this on Encyclopedia Dramatica.

staghounds said...

A piece of equipment with 26 features is NOT a piece of emergency equipment.

"New idea", as though there were never truncheon guns before.

And this picture is apposite.

DirtCrashr said...

Looks like a StarWars Shot-Saber.

Anonymous said...

Og, Your a thinkin man. Draw up some plans. We need R&D on this. Investors we need investors! Perhaps GE would be interested. WOW the snowball is rollin NOW! Or would that be tactical rollin?

WV: thsmaker, its a sign!

reflectoscope said...

I suppose it might make a lousy club with a few years' R&D.

Jim

Anonymous said...

At the 2:00 mark:

"Resistant to children and accidents, of small caliber, short range and rotating handle of percussion."

That whole sentence reads like a Japanese t-shirt. Beware the children of small caliber and short range.

At 2:46, apparently use by teddy bears is strictly verboten.

crash burn said...

I see from the earlier comments I'm not the only one who started zithering the Star Wars theme around 4:00 or so....

Am I the only proponent of a .45 caliber cell phone?
Hey! Bill Clinton said you could fight crime more effectively with a cell phone than a gun.

Define "Cell Phone"

Don said...

The bayonet was what got me, too . . . it looks like it'd be easier to open up your own arm with it than anything.

On the other hand, this thing is not considered a handgun under Chicago law, since it's touted as being designed to require two hands to fire (though I notice that if you leave it clipped to your belt, you can pop off shots forward and backwards with one hand.)

I'm picturing what happens when Lucky Lou the Security Guard tries to swivel this thing on his belt and get the bad guy, who swats the gun really hard. Lucky Lou's got no control of the weapon, it seems to me, and the bad guy is, in accordance with his complex internal motivations, about to do really bad things to Lucky Lou, unless Lou turns out to be a good boxer or the kind of dirty, dishonest man who would carry a knife or a J-frame in addition to his civilized weapon.

Anonymous said...

They forgot to mention the best feature, if they get enought investors who want to triple their money in two months, production of this 'new concept' non-lethal, except when you choke on it, almost gun thingy will create full employment in the 16 civilized states that still love Obama.

Anonymous said...

Sure the gun is dumb, but when is Armalaser going to offer the YOU'RE GOING TO DIE SKULL option for the laser on my .40! That is just freaking awesome!

Tom said...

Must be French.

That is all.

Matt G said...

They happily tout a self-defense weapon that requires two hands to operate as being more preferable.

And it is proudly available in "Pacific Ninja" coloring.

Nice.