Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Speaking of caps busted in asses...

'Way back in the summer of aught-aught, when I was recovering from all the surgery they had to do to stick me together after my motorcycle accident, I had a double occupancy room at the Big City Public Hospital.

My roommate was an African-American woman who I thought of as "middle aged" at the time, but looking back, she seems to have gotten much younger; I mean, she probably wasn't much over thirty-five. Funny how that works. Anyhow, she was recovering from a gunshot wound in the arm.

She had friends and relatives in and out of the room nearly constantly, which should have annoyed me, except that I was curled up with an on-demand morphine drip and was consequently pretty much out of my head on opiates for most of our joint tenancy. During one of my more lucid periods, I asked her story, and received the following amazing tale in response...

Our heroine was standing at the bus stop, minding her own business. (This, as everyone knows, is one of the most dangerous things you can do in the 'hood.) The bus stop was slightly elevated from street level by a low stone retaining wall. All of a sudden and for no reason, as these things so often go down, the man in the house across the street emerged with his girlfriend, started shouting death threats at her, and the pair proceeded to hop in his car and try to run her down.

They were unable to reach her with the car due to the retaining wall, so the crazy guy leapt out of the car, leaving his girlfriend at the helm to continue playing Death Race 2000, while he shouted that he was going back across the street to fetch his gun and come back and shoot her.

"...and so he did," said my hospital roommate.

"Wait," I replied, confused, "you saw him run into his house, come back out with a gun, come back across the street, and shoot you, and you just stood there?"

"If I'd'a ran, he'd'a shot me!" she retorted, looking at me as though I had a screw loose.

"Looks like standing still didn't work so hot, either," I said, returning to the joys of the electrically-dispensed poppy.

14 comments:

K. Erickson said...

There HAS, just HAS, to be more to that story. I know there are some bat guano crazy folks out there, but there had to be some reason for their desire to run her over and, failing that, shoot her. The icing on the cake though is the not running part. Did she not want to die tired or something? Did she not understand that it is HARDER to hit a moving target and that longer shots are harder?

Old NFO said...

Ah... yeah, what is the REST of the story??? Or did you ever even find out?

Tam said...

Dude, I was on a morphine drip; I'm pretty darned proud of myself for remembering that much. ;)

Cond0010 said...

"If I'd'a ran, he'd'a shot me!"

Obviously she didn't have a pair of very dark sunglasses to put over her eyes so that he couldn't see her, either.

New Jovian Thunderbolt said...

If the drugs were good enough she might not have existed at all and the story is something your mind made up to entertain you, and you were really in a single occupancy room.

Joanna said...

Obviously she didn't have a pair of very dark sunglasses to put over her eyes so that he couldn't see her, either.

The bugblatter is a stupid beast, but very, very ravenous.

Cond0010 said...

@Joanna

Yea.

...And a towel would be the preferred defense over sunglasses in many parts of the galaxy (or certain suburbs of Paris).

George in AZ said...

I was on morphine drip for 3 weeks back in '95 @ county hospital. It was mixed with atavan, which gave me quite vivid halucinations and paranoia! Then, I was transfered to another local hospital, with a different medical protocol. Went from morphine to TYLENOL! To say that was disappointing is minimalist!

wv: kitterpu no explanation necessary

Anonymous said...

Sum Dude never misses. Never!

Gerry

OrangeNeck said...

Sounds to me like you should have stuck the morphine drip into her arm and cranked it all the way up to "WOOHOOO, I CAN FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Alan J. said...

Since the previous comments have already answered my questions with a) yes, it's a true story, and b) there's got to be more to this tale that we don't know, then that only leaves me with shaking my head in disbelief at the mindset of victims with this kind of sheep mentality. The lessons to be learned from this story are a) run away, b) take shelter somewhere with other people, c) call the cops, and my favorite d) get out your CCW allowed pistol and shoot the SOBs. Both of them, because the girlfriend driving the car is definitely a deadly threat too. Oh, and the best lesson of all is STOP being a sheep waiting for the next slaughter!

Joe in PNG said...

Again we learn the very important lesson about loitering in a bad part of town: Sum Dood can't abide loitering, and will express his displeasure by using deadly force.

og said...

I know a large number of people who are that stupid. Some are family members. Many are customers.

WV budases. What rednecks are instead of cokeheads.

Tennessee Budd said...

I'm glad I had no such post-surgery roommates, or I'd've negated the surgical help, wrenched the leg off, & beat such an idiot to death with it.