Thursday, May 31, 2012

Nerf World.

In a ruling yesterday, federal administrative law judge The Honorable Missesthepoint pronounced that henceforth the killer whale shows at Sea World would require a physical barrier between the whales and their trainers. Sadly, the ruling did not touch on whether the killer whale pool would need hydraulic lifts for handicapped access.

Among previous rulings from the same judge:
  • Motorcycles being jumped over a row of flaming buses can only be operated by remote control.
  • All tightrope walkers must be clipped to the tightrope by a safety harness.
  • Lion tamers can not get in the cage with the lions, but must get in a separate cage at least six feet away.
  • Audience members at fireworks shows must be provided with Nomex hoodies.

It's things like this that make me want to go run with scissors, just out of spite.


jetfxr69 said...

As Sebastian said in his 'Bloomberg banning big sweet sodas' post this morning, don't go read the comments.

To paraphrase our hostess, people like these are WHY I'm a misanthrope.

bedlamite said...

I thought you were supposed to go into Lion taming via insurance or banking

Bram said...

A wetsuit is a physical barrier.

staghounds said...

"After Tragic Death..."

Who gets to make that judgement?

We all die.

She died from an integral risk she well foresaw while doing what she loved.

Who among us will have that opportunity?

$%^&*() nerf culture.

perlhaqr said...

jet fixer: I should have read the warning here first. *headdesk*

OSHA. Bah. Yet another federal agency that while it may have at one point been useful, clearly has way too much time on its hands now.

Anonymous said...

And the killer whale show will go dark. The whales will be euthanized or put out of the way in corner of the park until they die.

That's Progressive progress.

Brad K. said...

" make me want to go run with scissors "

That was a *great* album (Weird 'Al' Yankovic's Running With Scissors. The Saga Begins summarizes the early Star Wars movies, then Truck Drivin' Song immortalizes "Driving my Truck with my High Heels on!" Just great!

As for Judge MissesThePoint, I imagine the next bit of angst will require a barrier between firemen and, like, fires. Or require ambulance drivers to remain six feet away from anyone bleeding, or suspected of having a heart attack or being sick. Maybe a barrier between anyone wanting to ride, groom, wash, care for, or drive a horse and said horse. Maybe require all farm tractors to be remote controlled.

Or maybe forbid any video that depicts an act that risks damage or undue wear to any property, or that risks or implies risk to any person, or that causes or might cause harm, embarrassment, or humiliation (i.e., humor) to a viewer, including wasting the viewer's time, or that might offend any viewer.

Then there is the whole, "we are the government, and we are here to help you" deception. Ooh! What about forbidding courts to intervene in normal, customary business and private activities! That would make sense! Court verdicts usually harm *someone*!

Ed Foster said...

So let's ban cigarettes, booze, hang gliding, skydiving, mountain climbing, motorcycles, general aviation, travel by personal auto of more than 50 miles (except for politicians in limos), restrict all engines to 1.6 liters (except for limos), and ban sugar, caffeine, starch and meat.

We can keep fish in the diet, because they aren't fuzzy/warm with Bambi eyes.

After that we shut down all the nuclear and fossil fuel power plants, and life would be heaven.

What would kill us first, starvation or boredom?

Anonymous said...

The judgment, Michaels said in a statement, "is a win for the employees of SeaWorld,.."

I strongly doubt that's what the employees think.


kishnevi said...

Anonymous at 8:58

For the lefties, getting rid of killer whale shows (and just about all trained animal shows, while we're at it), would be a GOOD thing.

Rick C said...

"It's things like this that make me want to go run with scissors, just out of spite. "

Let me just file off the edges of those for you.

Ancient Woodsman said...

Tragic death, my ass.

For the killer whale it was undoubtably a most tasty not-so-tragic almost gourmet death. Without napkins or a finger bowl (flipper bowl?), but most definitely tasty. And natural.

What the hell do they expect with a KILLER whale?

Anonymous said...

You know after this thing happened someone sent me this picture

Is it wrong that I laughed?

Anonymous said...

Have you SEEN the air in New York?

Mayor B should stop breathing it.

Anonymous said...

The judge is only part of the problem. As an attorney (please no insults, I can't stand them either) who focuses on OSHA law, it's the bureaucracy that's the problem. OSHA issues the citations and the agency is now lead by union lawyers and labor activists at all top appointee positions. OSHA is just one of many federal agencies cramming state control down our throats simply by aggressively expanding existing laws and regs to cover things never envisioned when passed. And the legions of moles in these agencies will continue to undermine our freedom regardless of who wins the next election. They will abide.

Brad K. said...

Anon 11:46,

Weeding out the problem children is often simpler with fewer problem children. Waiting four years to start screening out, and disciplining, the problem children won't make a return to balance any simpler or quicker.

And with the Republican track record of candidates, I shudder to think what the next offering will be -- PeeWee Herman? Pat Buchanan? Mitch "no schools" Daniels? What if the Mittens is the last, best hope?

Gack. Now I am not sure if I can face breakfast.

Anonymous said...

This smack's of the "I have to do something" mentality which, when I worked in ER used to fill me with terror.

Once a neighbour of mine came in complaining of chest pain. While chatting about the view from his apartment he had a cardiac arrest (he was in a resuscitation bed by this time). I zapped him and he came back but had a slow pulse rate. The junior doctor came in and said "let's give him atropine". "Why?" asked I. "Because he has a low pulse rate" was the reply. I Gently explained to her that yes, he has a slow pulse but two minutes ago he was dead and his current status was a distinct improvement and that his body had just had a nasty experience and deserved a bit to time to settle down.

Making decisions on the basis that something must be done just asks for unintended consequences. For example the physical barrier may frighten the animal (either animal in this case) and cause one to jump the barrier and savage the other.

Skeptically yours,

mike in oz.

Anonymous said...

Having visited seaworld a lot (at least once a month for the last 5 or so years, we have gotten to know the trainers.

Most would say it is part of the risk of dealing with a huge wild animal, but now the lack of human to animal bond is creating more of a risk.

If you do get to go, I highly recommend the dinner with shamu (or lunch). You can get reasonably close (2m or so) from the animals and talk one on one with the trainers.

Stare a killer whale down one day and you will be impressed. Very impressive animal.

Regarding the judge? Idiot who does not understand the situation.