Monday, July 14, 2014

That seems like kind of a stretch, Sarge.

It's been a pretty sporty 2014 here in the Circle City so far, for reasons that are anybody's guess. There was the well-publicized incident in Broad Ripple where Ice Dog and Ray Ray bumped into each other on the crowded sidewalk at 0230 in the AM and, as one does when one is disrespected like that, both said "Excuse me, I'm sorry," and walked on...

Just kidding. As one does when one is disrespected like that, both whipped out their gats and sprayed bullets wildly on the crowded street, hitting pretty much everybody but the person they were shooting at. The shooters left, and the people who were sober enough to scatter did so, leaving a drunken few to play the whole "Stop Snitchin'!" game with the po-po and EMTs who arrived to clean up the mess.

Earlier that night, IMPD officers responding to reported gunfire on the east side spotted a man in an alley with what appeared to be a Kalashnikov-pattern rifle. They ordered him to drop the gun and instead he raised it and opened fire on the officers, killing one and being critically wounded by police bullets. Rushed to an emergency room and revived to stand trial, it turned out that the police already had glamor shots of the shooter already on file. This is my shocked face. (Not feelin' real squeamish if the prosecutor wants to go after the death penalty on this one; I mean, it's not like there's any chance they got the wrong guy.)

Last Friday, the local news had an IMPD sergeant on to discuss the ongoing festivities. Probing for a soundbite, the immaculately coiffed talking head asked the cop what he thought was the reason behind the violence. The sergeant rambled off something about "more weapons on the street, and more people willing to use them" before saying that he thought a big culprit was the economy. People, he said, even criminals, were depressed about the economy...
"Damn, dawg, my portfolio is in the crapper! My broker done warned me this would happen if I didn't diversify my damn investments! And you gots to invest, 'cause you can't be knockin' off convenience stores when you're all old an' grey-haired an' shit! Damn! I's so depressed about this economy, Imma go bust a cap in this fool cracka-ass cop."
I'm sure that's the problem, Sarge.
.

10 comments:

Bob said...

Used to be in the old days a perp caught in the act would try the insanity defense as a last resort; after the Supreme Court (during the Rehnquist years) shut that option down in most cases, it became popular to claim lack of mental capacity, i.e., the tard defense. Major, Jr. (Major minor?) will probably try this.

staghounds said...

Love those "nobody shot me" cases.

Anonymous said...

Many aspiring rap artists lost big when they transferred their portfolios from residential pharmaceutical distribution income to Bernie Madoffs Ponzi scheme or AIG and Lehman Brothers short term hedges.

They still blame George Bush.

Gerry

Jennifer said...

Yeah, that's got to be it.

Joseph said...

The broad ripple incident reminds me of one of my TV/Movie pet peevs. You know, the scene where everyone in the room is upset with each other and whips out their gats and NOBODY FIRES A SHOT!! I know it's TV, but some dimwit (or 2) might just get the idea that it's all cool and shit to resolve differences by deploying the heater.

taylor said...

The economy does have an impact on crime. When theres less money flowing through the economy, less makes it to Ice Dog and Ray Ray. They still have the same wants/needs, so they try to use what tools they have to make up the difference.

Some get a "cant earn it, so Ill take it" attitude. Some just get pissy and more violent.

Firehand said...

Because saying "There are a bunch of idiots in gangs who have no respect for any life other than their own" would upset the interviewer. And get the sergeant a severe talking-to for speaking unpleasant truth.

Kristophr said...

An unsuccessful move from the pharmaceutical industry to the wealth re-distribution sector.

Perhaps he should try the rope stretching sector?

docjim505 said...

The Economy: Causing violent crime since 12000BC.

or...

"Guns don't kill people: The Economy kills people."

Brad K. said...

Reading about the ought-two-thirty shootout, a song came to mind.

"Forty shots rang out/Forty people fell.
The Killer and Patty missed each other/But they shot that town to hell.
Yippee-yi-yay! Cow Patty."

As for the economy aspect. When the economy is growing, there is graft, corruption, and leaks of cash flows supporting scads of dis-productive parasites. When the wells run dry, said parasites are shucked off, many popping up into daylight amidst the regular community that had been unware they were supporting said layers of grift, fleecing, and plundering. Without the cover of exuberant cash flows, the preying thugs move from the "I'll pay 'cause it don't hurt" rich(er) folk, to the "Dang, boy, you are costing me my kid's lunch money and this month's rent" kind of victims.

The point is to focus in cash flow and criminal diversions while the economy is plush, so that when it (always, eventually) slows, the pains to the above-the-table community won't cripple the next recovery.

Crime, "protection", payoffs -- all of these constitute private taxes on the community at large. It isn't just that the President is spending out of hand -- I mean, Chicago gave us Al Capone, too.