Friday, October 28, 2022

Kirkland Signature Gran Torino

I haven't seen cinemetography this bad since Sewer Shark. 

The final shootout scene is especially egregious. Nobody is lit the same. You can't tell where anyone is supposed to be standing in relation to each other from where they're looking. It's just terribad on a technical level, and that's not even taking into account the dismal "acting" and dialog.

"Mom, I want Sergeant Elias."

"Honey, we have Sergeant Elias at home."

Sergeant Elias at home:

If I were the target demographic for this flick, the sort of angry conservative who thinks there's a librul plot to ban the American flag or something*, I'd be insulted that John Schneider thinks I would buy this garbage. Calling the acting wooden and the characters cardboard is an insult to the tree-farming industry. This is to movies what bad Christian "rock" is to rock and roll.

*Bro, there's not. I live in a hipster, artsy, in-town neighborhood where every other house has a yard sign with the "In This House..." Progressive Catechism, a Black Lives Matter sign, some flavor of Pride flag (I've stopped trying to track the variations), or all three, and there are American flags everywhere. Even on the same houses.

Also, what kind of paranoid universe is Schneider's character living in, there? He's the last lone patriot in what looks like a small Louisiana town, and everybody else from the cops to the high school jock to his neighbor to his own daughter is some sort of anti-American commie? What planet is this happening on? Because it's not this one. What is with the persecution fetish, man?