Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Turn your hat around, cut your hair...

...pull your damn pants up, and stand up straight. And stop frickin' mumbling while you're at it; a little enunciation will double your apparent IQ. Oh, and take that metal crap out of your face before I find my rare-earth magnet, 'cause anything that'll lift an engine block off a lake bed is going to do nasty things to your burger-flipper-career accoutrement. "Tribal tattoos"? Give me a break. "18-y.o. Skinny White Kids From The 'Burbs" isn't any tribe I've heard of.

Kids these days... It's enough to make you want to go clothesline a skate wank right off his board.

24 comments:

jimbob86 said...

When I was in elementary school, wearing loose fitting jeans withouta sturdy, well fitting belt was just ASKING to get "pantsed". Another boy (nobody would dream of assaulting a girl in those days)would sneak up on the vic at recess or gym class(gym shorts had drawstring for a reason!) and yank downward.
A sturdy belt is useful these days for hanging holsters, multi-tools, magazine carriers, etc. Useful things, belts......

BobG said...

It's interesting to what lengths they will go to just to be noticed; doesn't that say something about their self-image?
There are better ways to be noticed, but those require a person to actually do something besides standing around looking like a clown.
Just my opinion.

phlegmfatale said...

I have a cousin in the Ozarks whose half-wit chirrins all sport the offending garb described. The oldest- a 19 year old stepson- is legally deaf and really "into" some vile bands, making him seem even more desperate to be part of something. Yeah, the tribe.

Um, ok.
Sad, really.

I have concluded that most people (not you or me, of course) really reach their peak at about 18-22, and this is nature's trick to fool them into breeding. They'll never be cuter/hotter/more doable than they are at that age. So why are they trying to look ugly? That's one trend I don't get. No matter what color not-found-in-nature my hair ever was, no matter how I abused Gawd's gift of red lipstick, uglying it up was never my objective. What is wrong with these people?
And it's not just kids, because I've seen a lot of grannies sporting muffin-tops, too. Ew.

Marko said...

The loneliest sight in the world is a solitary teenager dressed after the latest fashion dictate waiting at the mall for his friends.

DirtCrashr said...

Clothes make the clothes-horse.
I see a broomstick dressed as a scarecrow way too often.

triticale said...

No, I'm not cutting my hair. My wee wifey likes it, and my clients judge me by my skills not my appearance.

As for the metal in my face, I have one piercing, in the left earlobe where it belongs (unlike my wee wifey who has ten all over her ears) and your magnet doesn't scare me because the hoop I've been wearing for the last 25 years is made from an alloy so highly non-magnetic that the Navy chose it on my recommendation to specify for minesweep rigging gear.

Anonymous said...

I'm still trying to figure out how in the hell acting like everyone else somehow establishes your own identity. Didn't understand it then, don't understand it now.

"Dude, why do you always have a girlfriend? I can't get women to notice me."

"Ever heard of the Law of Supply and Demand?"

Anonymous said...

Kids wanna belong to something. No families anymore, no church, school is basically minimum security prison. Government is a scam. They aren't TAUGHT anything worth knowing and the only authority figures are rich anorexic millionaires or criminal thugs. They know they are being raised to be slaves.
Disfiguring yourself starts making SENSE after a while.

Take a kid out and teach him to shoot. Plug him in shooting competition. Jump through the state hoops and take him deer hunting. Save him.

Linoge said...

I wear baggy pants, simply because I find them comfortable, and more to my liking than jeans and suchlike. That much is a personal choice over a fashion choice (anyone who has seen me would know that I have the fashion sense of a blind carnival clown), and despite the overly large wardrobe, I wear a very solid belt to hold them in place.

*shrugs* Of course, I wear one-size-too-big shirts too, again, as a matter of personal choice. I have no physique to show off, so why bother?

Of course, that said, if this is an "important" kind of thing, you will see me in a button-down and slacks. My parents did not raise a moron.

BryanP said...

My pants are baggy because I've dropped 25 pounds in the past few months and haven't bought new jeans yet. I'll get around to it eventually. But I do wear a belt.

Kids wear stupid stuff. When they get older their kids will wear stupid stuff. Mostly they get over it. You're about my age I think Tam. (I'll be 39 at the end of this month). Seen any girls wearing a single lace glove lately? Wearing so many plastic bracelets you think they'll develop popeye arms?

Yeah, they look like idiots. And yes, they will be judged by that appearance. One day they'll look at pictures of themselves and laugh. I can neither confirm nor deny that is me in a candid shot in my high school yearbook with the caption "Dropped my blowdryer in the bathtub." O_O

T said...

Should they get off your lawn as well?

Ben said...

I've noticed several jurisdictions lately are either implementing or trying to pass ordinances banning baggy pants and the whole getup. Not saying it's right or wrong, just read a couple articles and it seemed relevant somehow.

Of course, I also read an article over the weekend in the Observer about some teen, 1 18 year old and 2 15 year olds, gangbanger wannabees who stabbed a man to death. Let me quote the first lines of the article for you on trying to fit in:

"Jamond Rashad Burney told his mom he always wanted to be a Crip. He'd been wearing the gang's navy blue color, hanging out with older guys, and getting himself into trouble."

comatus said...

Gosh, a lot of people here seemed to take that really personally.

Marko, that was right poetical.

Tam said...

"Should they get off your lawn as well?"

...and get off my damn lawn!

Joseph said...

Maybe I'm just too old to appreciate new "fashions" at 43. I have always preferred classical looks in clothes (they are classic for a reason, hey?)
Personally, the pants halfway down your ass look just looks stupid...kind of like the folks who drive around with stereos that you can hear from a block away with with the windows closed. Usually with lousy stereos with waaay too much bass. Loud is not always better.

rickn8or said...

Tam--

Yer too young to be that crabby.

You left out "And turn that dope-smokin' Atheist Satan-Worshipin' Communist-Inspired Murder-Your-Parents 'music' DOWN!"

Eloquently expressed otherwise, though.

Less said...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=whore+mark

I'm taking credit for having coined
the term...

;)

Aric said...

My theory is that most "street" fashion is designed around advertising you don't need to run away. Huge down jackets, baggy pants, jeans dragging on the ground, etc.

I figure it's fine. I pinned my pants in junior high (late 80s) and I got out OK.

Besides, those that do turn out to be gangsters make it easier for me. A slow moving target is an advantage I'll take. ;o

Stingray said...

Having actually yelled the phrase "GET OFF MY DAMN YARD!" the other day (we don't have a lawn, it's more like prairie), and being mildly younger than Tam, I see nothing at all wrong with anything in this post.

My pants fit, and have since I started wearing them. Piercings and tattoos are my own damn skin (and largely not visible to the public), and if you don't like 'em, get off my damn lawn. ;)

LabRat said...

WRT Stingray-

Anyone who ain't me had better.

LabRat said...

As I have just been reminded.. the link isn't exactly work-safe. You have now been warned.

princewally said...

"Oh, and take that metal crap out of your face before I find my rare-earth magnet,"

Doesn't scare me. None of my jewelry is magnetic. Over the last few years I've gone from 12 piercings in my face to 3. I decided that my bullring didn't fit in with the corporate jobs I tend to work.

HTRN said...

There's a world of difference between alloys that are not normally considered magnetic, and being completely non magnetic under any circumstance. For example - 300 series Stainless Steel. The screws and plate in my leg are made of it, and even strong permanent magnets won't attract it, but I can't get a MRI, as the field is intense enough to pull the plate out of my leg, through my skin.

If you're piercings are made out of titanium, it's completely nonmagnetic. If however, its Stainless, it most certainly is, albeit probably only extreme situations.

comatus said...

htrn, ain't stainless somethin though? You need an advanced physics degree before it isn't just mystical. Add a little Cr, steel isn't magnetic. Add a little more and it is again. Drives them nuts at the plating shop.

Of course, there are some peircing you might want to be magnetic. I guess "bull ring" doesn't mean the same thing in every neighborhood...