Monday, May 11, 2009

Conan called, he wants his legal code back...

(CNN) -- Husbands are allowed to slap their wives if they spend lavishly, a Saudi judge said recently during a seminar on domestic violence, Saudi media reported Sunday.
The decision was completely bereft of anything like give-and-take, too. For instance, the judge did not continue with "...and wives may kick their husbands savagely in the junk if they leave the toilet seat up after dark."

That whole corner of the world is like a Renaissance Festival gone amok; one where the participants don't take off their medieval garb and come back to the 21st Century at the end of the day, because it's never Miller Time in a country where booze is illegal and most anything fun can result in having various bits chopped off in a court of law.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Seriously, what is it with women and toilet seats? Do you not look at the toilet when you walk into the bathroom? Is it just icky to look at the place where that stuff goes? Or, do you drop trou and back in from the next room? We need it up, you need it down, if I have to put it down for you, you'd better put it UP for me, and there's a sign in my shop bathroom to that effect. Larry Weeks

Tam said...

Dude, it was a joke. I'm riffing here. I needed something goofy and neurotic to balance the judge's goofy and neurotic decision. I didn't mean to say anything that would be triggering to readers who are traumatized survivors of the toilet seat wars.

Laughingdog said...

Anonymous beat me to it. I have alwasy wondered why some women get so worked up over that.

When the complaint is "I really don't want to see the nasty rim of the toilet when I walk in", I can understand. When the concern is that they'll fall in at night, I have a little less sympathy.

The solution for the second one is an amazing invention, though some on here might not be familiar with it since John Browning didn't make this one.

http://tinyurl.com/qa4ly2

Tam said...

NOTE TO SELF: Never, ever use the word "toilet seat" on blog again.

Anonymous said...

Tam, I realized you were being humorous, you do it well. Guess my attempt at humor was as misunderstood by you as you thought yours was by me...wait, is that like a double negative. Suppose it just shows that there is a deep resentment on both sides. Can we please set up a govt investigation? That way we won't have to think about it, or mention it again. Larry

Anonymous said...

Ha ha Tam.

Who would known that in the midst of terrorism, war, pestilence, famine, and creeping socialism, the topic of "toilet seat" would generate so much controversy and heated debate.

Tam said...

Now I have PTSD from the toilet seat wars. I want government cash. Or at least a sticker that lets me use the good parking spaces.

It's all George Bush's fault! He's the one who should be on trial here!

CastoCreations said...

OMG...THAT is what people got out of this post?!? Not that this is an insane religion and ridiculous ruling but that women shouldn't complain about toilet seats?!?! ROFL That is pathetic.

Nathan Brindle said...

We could bring those folks back to at least the 20th Century really quickly.

Although I admit that wearing radiation suits to pump oil out of their ground would be somewhat of an annoyance.

SpeakerTweaker said...

The entire second paragraph of this post is a world-class QOTD, and your first comment is a close second:)



tweaker

LabRat said...

Agreed with tweaker. The post made me smile. The "traumatized survivors of the toilet seat wars" comment made me bust a gut.

Noah D said...

I didn't mean to say anything that would be triggering to readers who are traumatized survivors of the toilet seat wars.Cue BOC in 3...2...1...

Anonymous said...

Hrm, yeah it sucks to be a married woman in Saudi Arabia, or an unmarried woman for that matter. But frankly, I don't care. I understand why liberal women might care, but not why anyone here would. Its conflicted. Most are ready to lock up young islamic men and drop the key into a black hole with no regrets. And probably rightly so. So why would we care about their women? Plenty have died in recent years to women suicide bombers. If you are dumb, you suffer.

Noah D said...

NOTE TO SELF: Never, ever use the word "toilet seat" on blog again.But we have questions!

Timmeehh said...

OK, O'Brian is not that funny, but he hardly deserves to be blamed for this mess.

Ed Foster said...

On the Saudis: Father Flanagan, founder of Boy's Town and Girls Town, once said "If you can't reach them before the age of thirteen, you never will".

The entire Saudi culture is a sociopathic (male)adolescent's wet-dream, and nothing but their running out of oil will change it.

When it does, most of them will die, because most of them are incredibly stupid. A thousand years of first cousin marriage to keep the property in the family, regardless of the fact the offspring are often droolers, is pretty much a guarantee of that.

In Saudi, everything more complicated than pushing a broom is done by Palestinians or Europeans, simply because most of the locals have I.Q's approaching their belt size. The Sheik Yamanis are few and far between.

Friends of mine have worked there, and the stories are mind-boggling.

Saudi pilots are always princes. There are thousands of them, every son of every tribal leader. What does a Saudi prince/pilot do whenever something minor happens that he can't understand? He ejects, screwing another forty million dollar F-15 into the ground. Our aerospace industry loves them. Then the loser gets a desk job, and is regarded as a hero because of his ordeal.

During the war, a Saudi pilot shot down two Iraqi MiGs. When he was told they were ahead of him, his first request was to eject. He was told he was over Iraqi territory, then an American Colonel talked him through what to do, button by button, switch by switch.

He was then talked back to base and on to the ground. He had to be lifted out of the cockpit, hysterical and covered in vomit. And he was one of the elite.

As for the toilet wars, the lid thing is repayment for that annoying, illogical thing all women do to toothpaste tubes.

reflectoscope said...

Well, we could either advance them to the 20th century... or back to the stone age, just this time with the odd rock that glows in the dark. Hmm. Praying to a different $deity, reading a different book, I don't care; stoning women because they were out in public with a man who isn't their husband? That is flat-out barbarism of which any remotely evolved society should be ashamed.

Jim

BryanP said...

Not to worry Tam, on some of us it seems the conditioning takes. I've been widowed for a year and a half and I'm still putting the seat back down without thinking about it. I can imagine her laughing at me every time I do it and realize what I've just done. :)

Kelly said...

This is no longer about what makes sense in a bathroom... this is about WINNING! If you are a woman and wish to win the Toilet Wars, just remind the man of the house that you cook his food and you know where he sleeps. Unless he wants to find himself waking up after the drugs wear off and realizing just how tight the rubber band around his scrotum is, he will start putting the toilet seat down.

Unless you're a Saudi woman. I'm pretty sure doing that would get you executed. What we need is more social programs focused on helping Saudi women win the Toilet Wars.

Assrot said...

While I totally agree with you on all this, let me just say that males can't win with the toilet seat thing.

I have left the seat up on occassion and sure enough some dimwit went and plopped her ass in the toilet water.

I have put the seat down and some other dimwit pissed on it and then the next girl that was too dumb to look before she leaped sat in the piss.

I have put both the seat and the cover down hoping to stop the dimwittery on both parts only to have dimwits from each sex piss on the cover in the middle of the night.

Somehow this is always my fault. I have but one question.

Why is it that a male or female or any mixture 'twixt the two that is over 5 years old is too stupid to check the toilet before they use it?

It only takes about a second to turn on the light and another second to look at the toilet.

I'm just sayin'...

Joe

Anonymous said...

Toilet seats?

I'd rather use a cat-hole in a nice clean woods, than any indoor facility.

Even in winter.

Of course, you'll want to keep a healthy roster of woodses available, as a sensible sanitation precaution.

It helps if y'r a nomad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, the hand chopping, wife beating, boy screwing, throat cutters of bound men and all-around genetic Allah-trash -- are high on my wish list for an airborne, 100% effective, birth control mist carried by the trade winds.

Yeah -- dedbo -- that'll work, too.

John, the Reflective,
pondering whither goeth Western Civ, or what's left of it.

Ed Foster said...

What Assrot said. Also, Kelly, please be my friend. I would live in constant terror if you were my enemy.

Anonymous said...

We have both dogs and cats, so I put the lid down to keep them from drinking out of the bowl. However, since they also have access to the litter box, I never have to scoop the litter. I also don't let the dogs lick me.

Stranger said...

I have always - well, since we finally got indoor plumbing - the old Roosevelt bungalow had a fixed seat, wondered why they do not make toilet seats with a luminous stripe on the bottom of the seat.

It would have saved a lot of wear and tear on my eardrums when the boys were living at home.

Stranger

Tam said...

"We have both dogs and cats, so I put the lid down to keep them from drinking out of the bowl."

It is important to keep the kitty jacuzzi closed.

BryanP said...

I remember choking on my drink when my normally quite proper mother in law mentioned the subject of her husband being untrainable.

"Many's the night I had a cold-water douche at 2AM."

Kelly said...

Also, Kelly, please be my friend. I would live in constant terror if you were my enemy.I keep trying to tell people... Proper torture methods are not about making someone afraid they're going to die. Proper torture methods are about making someone afraid they're NOT going to die.

rickn8or said...

Assrot and others--

It's simple; you're not gonna win. With my ex, open kitchen cabinet doors made her bonkers(er). I don't know what the deal was; she could walk around underneath all the open doors...
Yep, it was "step lively" or "step lightly" and I was always guessin' wrong.

reflectoscope said...

Kelly - I think you and I would get along alright.

Jim

atlharp said...

Dude, it was a joke. I'm riffing here. I needed something goofy and neurotic to balance the judge's goofy and neurotic decision. I didn't mean to say anything that would be triggering to readers who are traumatized survivors of the toilet seat wars.
Ah yes, the toilet seat wars! How does won win the toilet seat wars anyway? Do you nail the seat down piss all over it?

Look Tam, as long I can write my name in the snow I will be way cooler than all the brigands who demand the toilet seat be left down indefinitely! LOL!