Friday, January 29, 2010

We've seen this all before...

Fearless Prediction of the trajectory of “$Apple Product” (where “$Apple Product” != “Newton”):

1) Product is hyped to the sky before anybody’s seen one.
2) Product is released. Mac Fanboys line up to get raped at Apple stores worldwide.
3) Cutting edge Linux-using nerds mock it mercilessly for missing features and/or compromised functionality.
4) Mac Fanboys make tearful “Leave Britney Alone!” videos, defending their overpriced, underfunctioning tchotchkes.
5) Six to twelve months later, Apple releases “”$Apple Product G2“, with its deficiencies corrected and the price slashed by half.
6) Mac Fanboys howl bloody murder.
7) Everyone buys one, or a clone of one, as another industry gets altered for good.

And yet every time the loyal faithful can be found outside the Apple store on opening day, slightly dazed-looking, bowlegged, and holding large sums of crumpled bills in one sweaty hand and a tube of KY in the other, ready to do it all again…

26 comments:

staghounds said...

Ah yes, the iProduct...

staghounds said...

Oops, here is a

clearer version.

og said...

I cannot wait, myself, for the Ipon. I mean, the Ipad is here to stay, why not an apple product that you literally jam up your....


Nevermind.

Trust me, it's coming. It's the only space Jobs hasn't invaded.

Jenny said...

tee...

honestly, I was kind of looking forward to this one - mostly 'cause I wanted an eBook reader and the Kindle and clones looked way too limited for the money they were asking.

But like you said, no sense being the first to the party. I can wait a while until the mess is mopped off the floor. :)

Lynx217 said...

LMAO honestly tho I think that applies to more than just apple.

Anonymous said...

You can get kentucky in a tube?

-SayUncle

Tam said...

Sure, with a big enough tube.

Alan said...

Y'all know I'm a Mac fan. Have the MBP, the iMac, Mac Pro. Have the iPhone and love it.

But this iPad is a POS.

RobertM said...

Cool idea, bad execution.

Justthisguy said...

I just spent entirely too much time over at Cap'n Lex's site arguing about how football is silly when I would much rather have spent even more time on an earlier post of his making homo-sailor jokes. Somehow, it seems that the sailors don't appreciate the homo jokes. It's like they're all butthurt, or something.

Like Apple customers.

reflectoscope said...

I should print this and hang it a work, we have a couple of raging mac fanboys who would totally get their panties in a wad to my endless entertainment.

Once there is an open-source one which runs Linux and doesn't cost as much, I might look at one. (Speaking of #3)

Jim

D.W. Drang said...

Two thoughts:
Back when the Newton was released, Tandy & Casio collaborated on it's competition, the Zoomer. I had a Zoomer. Even then, Apple fanboys spent altegether too much time and energy on why theirs was better than mine, with no clear reason, especially since the Zoomer had 100 hours of battery life, as opposed to the Newton...

2) A few months ago I was at a seminar on digital modes in amateur radio--ICOM's D-Stars, to be precise--and sat at a table full of MacFans. For the first half hour it was non-stop "Macs are superior because..." and for the rest of the day, it was non-stop whining about how they couldn't get any programs to run on a mac...

Tam said...

D.W. Drang,

Apple has had a success or two since the Newton. (iPod & iPhone come to mind...)

I wouldn't necessarily bet against the iPad yet, either, but if it catches on, it will be the iPad G2, and it will catch on in a role that nobody (even the people at Apple right now) envision.

With the iPhone/iPod Touch/iPad, we seem to be inexorably moving to the end goal of a gizmo slightly larger than a paperback book that serves as a combination media player/e-book/phone/'net browser. It ain't here yet, but it keeps getting closer.

Remember the 3 Killer Apps and the One Important Parameter: email, games, and porn, and a full day between nightly chargings.

Anonymous said...

Jobs had an idea, turned it into a business plan and just like the sun rises in the east Mac Fanboies rise to the bait, every time.

Gmac

Anonymous said...

OG - Can you say Vag?

Actually I am currently sitting at the beach in Ft Laud., leeching someones WiFi (too cool), surfing Tam's blog and listening to me tunes (licensing questionable) on a 8G ITouch (myself).........Almost full moon with crystal halo and mars riding shotgun in the 7 ring, 70 degrees and turtles bumping shells in the sand. Sorry but I think I'm diggin this technology.

I think the Ipad/ TamPod will prove to be too large while the Touch is too small. Sort of a Goldilocks issue. All I need now is a Beer Wench to mosey by....

Triton

Joseph said...

I love Macs, love my iPhone, but this one hit me with a big, MEH.

The first thing I thought when I saw the HUGE bezel surrounding the screen is that Jobs is introducing a digital picture frame. Not Apple's best design work by a LONG shot.

As for your comments about the 2G version. I wouldn't hold my breath on the improvements.

1) Price is pretty much what it is going to be, this thing is about as cheap as they can make it. We'll see how cheap one "could" be when the Chinese start releasing their clones.

2) No Flash. They've yet to correct this on the iPhone, so I doubt they'll budge.

3) No Multitask. See #2

4) Lousy AT&T only 3G chip. Who knows why they did this, but what incentive do they have to correct it?

5) Lack of SD Card slot/USB port. They could rectify this, but it'd take a fairly major change in the enclosure, so it'll be pretty far off.

6) Ugly bezel. The fact that there is no possible reason for this thing to HAVE to have such a large bezel indicates that Apple thinks its a good thing. Don't see it shrinking soon.

Anonymous said...

I'm fairly anti-Apple, but I hope this is at least mildly successful. The open-source competition is something I'm looking forward to.

Also, something else that's worth keeping an eye on is that Lenovo (sp?) product. Basically a tablet like this, except you can attach it to a base/keyboard and it "turns into" a fully-functional netbook.

Tam said...

Joseph,

I'd guess the large bezel has something to do with protecting the screen if the larger, heavier iPhone Plus takes a header.

Tony said...

Wait, I'm supposed to wait until the release date before mocking the new Apple product? Although I'm hardly cutting-edge, so perhaps this doesn't apply to me? :)

Nathan said...

I bought the Kindle 2 knowing full well that it wasn't a tablet. There was a reason for that. I wanted an e-book reader...AND NOTHING ELSE.

Sometimes a multitool is NOT the best tool for the job.

wv: phowscul. AKA "the range". (The "h" is silent.)

Scott_K said...

The 8 x 10 size of the iPad is smaller than I'd like. I'll wait for the 11 x 14 Max-iPad

Borepatch said...

Very funny snark and all mocking the gullible fanboys, but what if it ran Ubuntu. Just how AWESOME would that be?

Oh, wait ...

TJP said...

It feels good to have been using something for 15 years and still be considered cutting edge.

Tam said...

Tony Hawk is still on the cutting edge of urban youth fashion, and how long ago did the first proto skate wank take one of his sister's skates apart and nail the halves to a board? ;)

zeeke42 said...

Nearly every Apple product launch reminds me of: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2003/5/28/

Anonymous said...

Notice how they don't make comics like that anymore.

Because they became Charles.