Sunday, January 02, 2011

Bummer of a super power, dude.

So the local gas utility is running a little TV commercial that starts out with the voice-over saying "This may look like a smoke detector, but it's a superhero..." and I thought to myself "Wow, that's a pretty lame super power. Can you imagine that interview at the Hall of Justice?"

Superman: "So, other than being able to transform into a smoke detector, you have no other super powers, Mister... um... Smoke Detector Man?"

Smoke Detector Man: "That's correct."

Batman: "Well, I'm sorry, but the Justice League of America doesn't have any smoke detector positions open at the moment. However, we'll keep your resume on file..."

Smoke Detector Man: *leaves, dejected*

Superman: "This is all your fault, Bruce. If you hadn't begged us to give your buddy 'Talks To Fishes Man' a job, nobody would think that we'd relaxed our entrance requirements so much! You used to have to be able to fly to work here, or at least own a plane. Thankfully we don't have to worry about Fishboy getting frisky while he's hitching rides in the invisible jet, because if he tried some sexual harassment at 30,000 feet, Diana'd braid his legs."


UPDATE: Roomie read this morning's post...
RX: "Are you making fun of Aquaman again? Isn't he, like, the prince of all the mer-people or something?"

Me: "You're thinking of Namor, the Sub-Mariner."

RX: "Probably the same guy playing both roles in disguise."

Me: "No, they're pretty easy to tell apart: Namor can breathe water, talk to fishes, fly, and bench-press Yankee Stadium. Aquaman can do all that stuff, too, except for the 'fly' and 'bench-press Yankee Stadium' parts, which renders him a good deal less useful."

13 comments:

Living in Babylon said...

I laugh, but I would be right there with aquaman.

But the minute the Justice League needed someone who had Super Mortal Kombat Trivia, or who could retrieve a kitten from the bottom of the ocean while everyone else who could do that anyway was busy, they better not come crying to us.

Brigid said...

They're still trying to get past the disaster that was Community Organizer Man.

Anonymous said...

You're just not getting the whole plan.

Soon GlobalWarmingMan played laconically by AlGore, will call upon on the global ice caps and glaciers to finally and spontaneously melt, him gleefully screaming "toldyaso, toldyaso" and all of dry earth being absorbed into one world of ocean...

Well, then Aquaman's little sleeper talent comes in handy, see, and he tells all the great whites and giant squid which of us ridiculed him and should be eaten, and which were the true believers and should be spared...of course even the t.b.'s will quickly drown and be eaten anyway, but still.

And as he is choked down by a blue whale who mistook him for a giant chunk of plankton, GWM calls out for all (well, just the fishes and Aquaman I guess) to hear, "See? I was riiiiggghhht!"

The End

AT

Darrell said...

I give you Perry Bible Fellowship's Super League:

http://www.pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF136-Super_League.jpg

CGHill said...

Besides, Namor, for a while anyway, had a thing going with Sue Storm, which if nothing else earns my eternal envy.

wv: "noenyol." Noenyol, I'm sure you'll be able to write your own joke.

Brian J. Noggle said...

I dunno. With all the cities going smoke-free, Smoke Detector Man might have a job working for the Health Department where he can retire after 15 years with a full promise-pension, which is just like a pension except it's imaginary.

GuardDuck said...

All I know is Kevin Costner did a terrible job playing aquaman....

og said...

Most of us keep our lame superpowers to ourselves. Few know it, but i am "unreadable UPC man". I can find the one item in the store, of which there is only one, and the UPC code will be unreadable, causing no end of mayhem as the store finds no record of said item, and which item I need desperately. I have also been known to be "The fishing/hunting/trapping was WONDERFUL last week (when I wasn't there) but many sportsmen have carried that superpower for generations.

Douglas Hester said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCY8d6X51x4&feature=related

Justthisguy said...

As a grumpy old bachelor, I must say that you two gals are my favorite grumpy old spinsters.

Anonymous said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Twyrmr4sMow

Aquaman's Lament

Carl H

Anonymous said...

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_FjxoBfRI9WU/Si5q7FoMKgI/AAAAAAAABF0/2Lq81vryvQ4/s1600/superpowers.gif

There's a good collection of useless superpowers right there :D

Epsilon Given said...

Anonymous, I think you misunderstand GlobalWarmingMan's power. When he calls on the polar ice caps to melt, there will be a Great Blizzard, and they will grow, and we'll have a new Ice Age.

It's called the AlGore Effect!