Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The ghost of Carrie Nation.

Colt 45 has released a new malt beverage, and is under fire because they apparently made it taste good:
"Colt 45 makers are raising the alcohol level from the already high 6% to the even higher 12%, and enticing young people with hip hop themes and lollipop flavors," said Paul Porter of Industry Ears, a think tank that promotes justice in the media.
("Justice in the media"? What the heck does that mean? Anyhow...)

So now putting alcohol in an alcoholic beverage and making it taste like something other than burnt coffee is an obvious ploy to "entice young people". What do you recommend, Paul? An independent commission of prune-faced busybodies who will sign off on new beverage flavors provided they taste awful enough?

39 comments:

Tango Juliet said...

Why can't the busybodies target themselves?

John said...

"justice in the media"

Now that is a self-contradictory conundrum, suitable for authoritarian wanna-be's, and justification for Kontrol, Komrade, eh?

genedunn said...

I wonder what Paul's favorite wine tastes like?

Bram said...

Nobody tell Paul that Vodka is typically 40% alcohol and tastes like nothing.

Noah D said...

12% ABV and lollipop flavors? You mean, likeEasley?

Joseph said...

It's been a while since I was a young person, but from what I've seen, they seem to like stuff that tastes truly vile (Redbull & Vodka anyone?). Besides, Colt 45 really isn't a brand that screams cool or hip with the young crowd.

McVee said...

Damn.How would they explain Me and my Friends snatching my Dad's Schlitz's back in the day. No flavors? Hmm what was the appeal?
It had alcohol. Tasted like.like.
Well, it had alcohol. :)



WV: prone. "Me and My friends were prone to drink old man beer before it tasted like candy.

McVee said...

Besides. What doe's it matter when a bunch of waitresses at Chili's and Applebee's keep getting the drinks mixed up and are serving mudslides to toddlers?

staghounds said...

"Justice in the media" means "Grants from Soros".

Mike W. said...

My favorite beer is 10% ABV and taste fucking awesome. They better keep their filthy hands off my Dogfish!

Anonymous said...

As a former Country Club Malt and Bradour drinker I deplore the Colt 45 marketing action. Will Country Club got to 13%? Will Bradour go to 15%?

I call for both sides to draw back from the alcohol race abyss before this reaches the UN Security Council.

Gerry

og said...

new Industry Ears approved flavors coming to a liquor store near you:

Pus
Navel lint
Toejam
Earwax
Marmite
10W40
Burlap
Crushed glass
Asafoetida
and, WV: Brudiasa.

Enjoy!

Anon said...

No suprise...they have don the same with tobacco products several times. Remember the outrage back when Camel came out with those little tins of flavored cigs? Apparently having big brand cigarettes have a chocolate or cherry or whatever flavor is just an obvious ploy at getting young teens to smoke. (Menthol is still fine though!)

No, nobody over the age of 18 would ever buy flavored tobacco. Stuff like hookah tobacco, flavored/infused cigars, skoal, and most pipe tobacco prove this to be false...but apparently as soon as you roll it into a rice paper and put a filter on the end, it turns into a sinister plot to get kids hooked on smoking before they finish the 3rd grade.

Ish said...

Puritan-Sense tingling! Someone, somewhere, might be having FUN!

Quickly, Jack Thompson! To the OSHA-approved, hybrid, fair-trade, union-made, Prudemobile!

We have to (non-violently) fight for Social Justice!

Ken said...

Let's see, intense ridicule, or shunning?

I know! Intense ridicule, then shunning!

perlhaqr said...

Og: I bet with the right marketing campaign, you could actually sell that list of beverages. Well, the names, anyway, not the actual flavors.

CTone said...

How about a little understanding!?! You guys have no idea how hard it is for parents to keep their kids off of booze these days. My rebellious 3 year old won't put the Wild Irish Rose down for a second, and my 2 year old loves the sweetness of Mad Dog; I just can't keep them sober. I swear I'm a good parent when I'm not out all night drunk, playing poker. By making booze tasty, we're only making youngsters want to have this stuff, to say nothing of how easy it is for them to buy it in the first place. Easy access and all.

Sheesh!

og said...

On 4/20 flavored adult beverages are a no-no. But i bet flavored dope is extra special good!

wv; Splatu. Splatubarada nikto.

staghounds said...

1. The earliest I can recall drinking alcohol was about age eight, my parents gave it to me.

2. Ish, the word is "struggle", not fight.

Pearlhaqr, of course you could. Don't you remember Death Cigarettes?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_%28cigarette%29

Old Grouch said...

Expect CPS demand for poster IP data in 3-2-1...

Moriarty said...

To hell with the lot of them.

I know how to brew barley wine.

Quilly_Mammoth said...

A Pittsburgh op-ed says that women won't join the NRA because:
"Women likely won't consider packing pistols if they are concerned that:

-- Spending several hundred dollars on a serviceable handgun might leave them without enough money to get the full treatment at that next visit to the day spa.

-- Carrying a gun in a small purse would leave less room for more important items, such as lipstick or compact."

Ad there's more. I'd love to see Tam's take.

Read more: NRA effort to attract women off target - Pittsburgh Tribune-Review http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/news/columns/heyl/s_733042.html#ixzz1K5sjMb7A

Borepatch said...

The Missus loves the local joint that makes blood orange margaritas (with a sugared, not salted rim). I hadn't realized that this sort of thing has been declared to be Double Plus Ungood thoughtcrime by the "Justice in the Media" crowd.

The sacrifices we all must needs make, to build the New Jerusalem ...

LabRat said...

...Oh boy. I dunno if Tam's gonna take that bait, but I sure am.

perlhaqr said...

Staghounds: I was thinking of the "Bernie Botts Every-Flavoured Beans" product tie-in to the Harry Potter-verse.

Anonymous said...

Should be "Just Us" in the Media... but you knew that already...

Tam said...

LabRat,

"...Oh boy. I dunno if Tam's gonna take that bait, but I sure am."

I know!

From someone who considers himself to be a Good Progressive, too, no doubt...

Remember, kids: It's not misogyny when we do it!

This is me, rolling my eyes.

Tam said...

Oh. My. Gawd.

I just read that op-ed. I know what tomorrow morning's blog post is gonna be...

"I thank thee, Lord, for thou hast delivered mine enemies unto my hands."

Joe in PNG said...

It's Postmodernist Ironic misogyny!

Alan J. said...

"Justice in the media?" Are they kidding? I'd be happy if the News people would just stick to the story and tell the truth - without all the brainless sludge ranging from frivolous nonsense (Foxnews - almost everything below the opening headlines) to slanted innuendoes (CNN - 95% of all their stories) to outright lies (MSNBC, AP, NYT - 100%).

Forget Justice, as the old joke goes, there is no Justice here, there's Just Us. And more and more these days, I'm coming to believe that anyone who forms an organization or cause with the word "Justice" in it, isn't looking for Justice - they're just looking for a way to take your money or control your life. Or Both. OK, Angry Rant Mode - OFF.

wv: istalaxi - the warm relaxed feeling you immediately have after getting it all out of your system

Anonymous said...

Keep yo mothafluffin' hands offa my mothafluffin' grapesoda Colt .45, you mothafluffin' racists!

What? It's not racism (misogyny, ageism, classism, warmongering, naziism, etc, etc) when *we* do it?

Oh.

AT

tmc said...

I like to think they test-marketed Werther's Original and the jitterbug.

("Justice in the media"? What the heck does that mean?)

It means the friggin' commies are hip to webpages, now.

atlharp said...

The funny thing is that Tam will probably get more views than the He-man woman hater in Pittsburgh. I love guys like this, they are their own worst enemy. I think I know why he is so pissed. Probably because his girlfriend showed up at the range and shot better than him. What a putz!

docjim505 said...

- "Justice in the media"? What the heck does that mean?

Easy: the media rips up BAD people, i.e. people that we don't like or who don't agree with us.

When lefties use the word "justice", it is usually another Inigo Montoya moment: "You keep using that word. I do no think that it means what you think that it means."

At any rate, why does a think tank that bothers itself with the media get involved with marketting of alcoholic beverages?

Bubblehead Les. said...

"From the Already High 6% alcohol to 12%"..? Christ, no wonder the rest of the World thinks our beer tastes weak!

As for Tomorrow's Topic: Just think of those of us who are going to Pittsburgh for Breda's Gunnie Prom, KNOWING that that Heyl..."Person" will also be in town. Trust me, T-Bolt and I will try to keep the Carnage to a minimum, but when Breda gets mad.....

Ed Foster said...

Was there just a tad of discreet racism in Mr. Porter's tome?

Colt 45 and other malt liquors are consumed predominantly by inner-city thugs and would-be gangstas, or those who imitate them. The same group that has by far the highest consumption of menthol and other flavored cigarettes.

The last time I cruised down North Main St. in Hartford, the 40 ouncer in the paper bag was still the street corner bragger. If said moke was really being macho, he would throw away the bag, daring Mr. Law to bust him for DIP.

A liter is a quart and a skinch, call it 33 ounces, so a 1.75 liter bottle of wine is about 58 ounces of 6% or 7%(12 to 14 proof) alcohol, call it 4 ounces of pure ethanol.

Bump that 20% and double it, and you end up with maybe a scant 10 ounces of straight alky, about as much as a fifth of whiskey.

So Jamal is standing on the street corner with the equivalent of a bottle of whiskey, which he will consume more slowly than Pat O'Hara, Hans Fritscher, or Pierre Thibidoux a century earlier, because it's more diluted.

Mr. Porter, he's a moke, but it's his money, he's not hurting anybody, and it's not getting spent on crack.

Tolerance starts with the losers, not the winners. The "winners" obviously sip their teeny martoonies in fern bars and make veiled snides about the aboriginies.

Stretch said...

The 15th and 30th of every month use to be called "Colt .45 Day." way back when. We would dread the bus from booking those dates as we'd have to hose it and the occupants down. At least with the higher alcohol count they'll be less fighting and more snoring en route.

WV="delicer" The new .45 is much delicer than the old .45.

Ken said...

And right on cue, Mike Emptysuit DeWine (now the AttyGen of Ohio, alas) is on board.

At least I can say I split the ticket every which way I could last go. I voted Libertarian for governor because Strickland, while better than Kasich on gun rights, would never cross Teh Won on Tenth Amendment grounds (and Kasich is more or less a reliable Wall Street fixer, so sic transit effective action on Foreclosuregate in Ohio). I voted for Cordray (the Dem incumbent) for AttyGen because he's a zillion times better on guns than DeWhine, who is a pair of pale green pants with no one inside them.

DeWine, Taft, Voinovich...where do we keep finding these shmoes?

Aegis said...

6% is high alcohol content now? Obviously these people aren't drinking the same beers I'm drinking. 6% is about average hereabouts...