Monday, April 04, 2011

No more kings.

I have to confess puzzlement with all the hoopla that a certain spectrum of Americans wastes on the chinless wonders of Buckingham Palace. I mean, didn't we kill redcoats in boxcar lots so that I wouldn't have to be bothered with the social doings of posh welfare recipients and self-propelled tourist attractions?

If George Washington knew you were Tweeting about the British royal wedding, he'd snatch the iPhone from your hand and kick your ass.
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24 comments:

genedunn said...

Eh... Blame Walt Disney and the media. I think it is less about the "Royalty" and more about the "fairytale".

Jay G said...

I would pay big money to watch Zombie Washington kick the snot out of some iPhone-tweetin' royal-lover...

Nathan said...

"If George Washington knew you were Tweeting about the British royal wedding, he'd snatch the iPhone from your hand and kick your ass."

Which immediately made me think of this. (WARNING:NSFW)

Mike W. said...

I'm with Jay, I'd love to see George beat the snot out of some hipster.

This is why I read you every morning Tam. Thanks for the laugh!

Weer'd Beard said...

Six foot twenty, fucking killin' for fun!

Boat Guy said...

Funny piece, though I do note that at least the "royal" lads have served their country in uniform with the younger one actually serving in a combat zone. Not gonna partake of the Disney-like splendor but I do appreciate our uniformed Brit allies - kinda ironic that they back our plays after our ancestors (mine to be certain) killed a bunch of theirs...

CTone said...

"If George Washington knew you were Tweeting about the British royal wedding, he'd snatch the iPhone from your hand and kick your ass."

I needed that this morning. Thanks!

S. L. Haynes said...

Yep, but first ol' George would make you squirm in your urine with a well deserved 15 minute speech about how much the country is being harmed by your behavior and then kick you ass.

staghounds said...

No he wouldn't.

In real life, he'd pity you, and the Republic.

THEN he'd snatch the telephone and deport you to Canada or the Bahamas.

Kicking an idiot's ass would be beneath him.

But your version sounds better.

Breda said...

THANK you.

Old Grouch said...

The best part of Gt.Britain having kings-n-queens is that they have 'em; we don't.

So we can enjoy the pomp and circumstance, then get safely home. Where we can make sport of them and their local sycophants: Google up "Brann the Iconoclast" and "Willy Wally to Wed".

Anonymous said...

As a kid I stayed home sick from school one day and watched an episode of "Bewitched" where George Washington was bought back to 1950s America. George kept getting hassled by the cops for wearing a sword, holding a public meeting in a park, praying, inter alia.

If George came back, knocking heads over Royal tweeting would be way down on his list.

Shootin' Buddy

randy said...

During the wedding of the anorexic twit and whats-is-name, I was killing time in the student union while a buddy of mine ran some errands.

A whole gaggle of sorority types were glued to the big screen TV showing coverage of the doings.

One was rash enough to interrupt my reading (Pournelle IIRC) to ask basically if I didn't think this was the neatest thing ever and why wasn't I watching?

My loud reply "We fought 2 bloody wars to get rid of the royal family, so why would I be interested in what those inbred Eurotrash aristocrats are doing now?"

Blew any dating possibilities with that crowd, but they left me alone to read until my buddy showed up, so I'll call it a win.

excitedVulcan said...

LOVE the Schoolhouse Rock reference btw!

John Stephens said...

We were ruled by Kings far longer than by Presidents. Royalty and nobility are still embedded in our culture, even though we choose not to make use of them. Never forget that after the revolution, George Washington was offered the crown of America.

TheMinuteman said...

Thanks Tam, I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one that felt this way.

Every time someone brings up one of those goons or Di, I promptly start grinding my teeth and ask why I should give a flying f*ck.

Bubblehead Les. said...

So when's the next Kennedy Wedding? American Royalty for Americans, Dammit!

TinCan Assassin said...

I swear, Tam, you blog is the motherlode of the QOTD Mine

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but you forget, there was a shit-load of guys over here that were still big fans of an aristocracy.

Hamilton being one of them.

jdallen

Tam said...

Thank you Aaron Burr for taking out the trash!

TCK said...

"Thank you Aaron Burr for taking out the trash!"

Not to mention that the main reason Hamilton lost was 'cause he tried to cheat.

Unix-Jedi said...

When I was 17... It was a very.. oh, wait.

Anyway, my grandmother took me to England for a graduation present - she'd been chaperoning trips there since churchill was in Downing Place (but she didn't understand the Metro _at all_).

We arrived at 7 AM, and couldn't check into the hotel, so we wandered out to see the Changing of the Guard. Getting there early, we were right by the gate and croud barrier.

There were quite a few very alert looking plainclothed guys with guns. Caught my eye. They started the crash and banging and stuff, then all the guards came to attention, the gate opened, and cars came out of the gate.

About 3 feet away from me the queen waved to the crowd, and my grandmother was going nuts. "The QUEEN! The QUEEN!" jumping up and down and doing a little clap. (The woman next to us, British, had never been to London actually fainted after screaming "My Lady!")

I grabbed my grandmother and in less than polite tones said "Dammit! We fought a war so *WE* didn't HAVE TO DO THIS! And WE WON!"

Guffaw in AZ said...

I'm actually (in)famous for such comments! When some Anglo-phile spouts rhapsodic, I usually respond with, "Didn't we fight a war to get away from those A$$****s?"

Matt G said...

"If George Washington knew you were Tweeting about the British royal wedding, he'd snatch the iPhone from your hand and kick your ass."

And he'd drive up in a muscle car to do it, too.