I heard a newscaster use the term "third-hand smoke" the other day, and I thought to myself "Surely this is a joke." So I went to the Google, and no, apparently it's not.
Not having made filthy tobacco completely illegal by telling people that it harms them, they went to the tactic of pointing out that second-hand smoke harms others. While I question the actual physical risk of second-hand smoke in a world full of diesel fumes and UV rays, I can coexist with a world of smoke-free facilities and designated smoking sections; heck, I step outside to smoke at home out of courtesy to my roommate. But that's not really what the do-gooders want: They want to stamp out tobacco. To make it as inaccessible for your average Joe or Jane as marijuana and as shunned and unfashionable among the beautiful people as cocaine and heroin.
So now comes Third Hand Smoke. See, there are special poisons in the devil's weed that will cling to the clothing of a smoker for weeks or months like fallout from Chernobyl, until they find a pregnant woman. And then they will leap off the smoker, shoulder past the environmental residue from dry-cleaning chemicals and toilet bowl cleaners, jump on the mom-to-be and worm their way into the unborn baby's lungs, causing who-knows-what havoc. Why, it's a wonder we were born with any lungs at all back when everybody smoked!
The more I learn how fragile these unborn babies are, the more I wonder that there were any live births at all on this planet before about 1998.
Pardon me, doc, your agenda is showing.